The queer corner

**Marie Monday** · 10-18-2020, 07:37 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your family's attitude towards lgbt things

That kindergarten story is adorible though, I vividly remember having a toddler crush on a girl with huge bambi eyes. Meanwhile a boy had a crush on me and decided that I was his girlfriend and I just sort of awkwardly acquiesced. I've been part of a toddler love triangle.

Lisnaholic · 10-18-2020, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ribbons

There's quite a strain of hidden homosexual/bisexual history in my family. But it's considered negative and the butt of jokes, which I hate. An oft-told story is of one of my great uncles in Wales committing suicide while wearing a dress. Nothing about the tragedy of his suicide, just telling the story for laughs without a shred of sympathy for my great uncle. It disgusts me.

Yes, that is very heartless, especially as it sounds like your great-uncle was making a very difficult and brave statement.

Off topic, but you made me think about how we learn family history. When we're young, it's understandable if parents report the bare dramatic bones of a story, like a tabloid newspaper headline. In my case, one story I learned from my mum was: Man dies of heart attack at age 45 after playing squash

I never asked about this guy but was also never told any more than this, even though it was my uncle. Instead, when appropriate, this one fact would be rolled out again - the guy's entire life reduced to one sentence. And over the years, my mum's focus seemed to imply a disapproval that accumulated like this in my head:-
a mistake
a stupid mistake
a stupid mistake to place importance on sport
a stupid mistake to place importance on masculine sporting prowess

RIP my uncle, who I now wish I had asked about properly.

Lisnaholic · 10-18-2020, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marie Monday

I've been part of a toddler love triangle.

I can't wait to see the romantic comedy movie Marie!

**Marie Monday** · 10-18-2020, 08:17 AM

Lol more like romantic tragedy

~~jwb~~ · 10-18-2020, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ribbons

I believe that sexuality is determined by genetics and the environment (sociocultural factors).

I knew from a very young age that I was bisexual (even in kindergarten) - I just didn't know what to call it. My sexuality gradually formed to a "heterosexual" expression due to family and cultural expectations and conditioning.

Tbh genetics + environment determines literally everything lol. That's pretty broad.

I don't doubt some people are actually pretty much born gay or straight I just think there are also plenty of people in the middle who are mostly straight but through experimentation develop sexual proclivities that weren't there before. That's the category I feel I fall into.

I've always been attracted to girls since I was 5 years old and I did gay **** with my friends when I was young but there was nothing sexual about it at all. There was when I messed with girls though. It took me meeting someone who was actually gay but in the closet when I was like 14 to start experimenting sexually with gay **** and actually like it. Then about 2 years of denial before I realized I was bi.

But I think there's a difference between being bi cause you experimented your way into it vs being gay where you only like the same sex. I've heard theories like with hormones in there womb could cause homosexuality and that there's noticable differences between an average gay males brain vs a straight males brain.

But that still doesn't explain bisexuals. And also I've heard the same thing about trans... That trans women have brains that have features which more closely resemble cis women than cis men. But that's literally the game thing I heard about gay guys, yet they aren't trans women. And none of that explains the non binary types...

So I think there are inherited traits that make one more likely to skew gay or straight, trans or cis. But it's not black and white determinism imo. Experiences also shape your perception.

Like how you aren't born liking milfs or bbws or s&m... Your exposure to certain experiences shifts your sexual predilections while at the same time your inherent nature makes you more or less open to said experiences but then so does your social conditioning.

The Batlord · 10-18-2020, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ribbons

I was in love with a girl in kindergarten who used to cry every day. I felt very protective of her and we became friends. I definitely had *stirrings* toward her. One day she told her of her longing to have a Barbie doll (I don't think her family had much money), so I actually took one of my sister's old Barbie dolls in a gold lamé dress and gave it to her to stop her from crying (my sister later found out the doll was missing and I had to confess, lol).

ribbons · 10-19-2020, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jwb

Tbh genetics + environment determines literally everything lol. That's pretty broad.

I don't doubt some people are actually pretty much born gay or straight I just think there are also plenty of people in the middle who are mostly straight but through experimentation develop sexual proclivities that weren't there before. That's the category I feel I fall into.

I've always been attracted to girls since I was 5 years old and I did gay **** with my friends when I was young but there was nothing sexual about it at all. There was when I messed with girls though. It took me meeting someone who was actually gay but in the closet when I was like 14 to start experimenting sexually with gay **** and actually like it. Then about 2 years of denial before I realized I was bi.

But I think there's a difference between being bi cause you experimented your way into it vs being gay where you only like the same sex. I've heard theories like with hormones in there womb could cause homosexuality and that there's noticable differences between an average gay males brain vs a straight males brain.

But that still doesn't explain bisexuals. And also I've heard the same thing about trans... That trans women have brains that have features which more closely resemble cis women than cis men. But that's literally the game thing I heard about gay guys, yet they aren't trans women. And none of that explains the non binary types...

So I think there are inherited traits that make one more likely to skew gay or straight, trans or cis. But it's not black and white determinism imo. Experiences also shape your perception.

Like how you aren't born liking milfs or bbws or s&m... Your exposure to certain experiences shifts your sexual predilections while at the same time your inherent nature makes you more or less open to said experiences but then so does your social conditioning.

Speaking only for myself here: I have always known I was bisexual, in that I have had romantic/sexual attraction to both sexes throughout my life. I've known and felt it strongly despite the fact that I’ve never engaged in same-sex “experimentation” (I was married to a man for many years, was with him since age 19 and did not have any sex before then, and was monogamous during the marriage). I don’t think one necessarily has to “experiment” to come to the conclusion that that one is bisexual. You can be bisexual and know that you are bisexual without having acted on it. Just as some people can realize they are straight, gay, or lesbian before having sexual relations. I think it’s a very common misconception that most bisexuals are actually heterosexuals who are just experimenting. Granted, there are certainly people for whom bisexual behavior is experimental; but bisexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation for others – and that’s the way it is for me.

ribbons · 10-19-2020, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elphenor

I wasn't trying to be contrarian here towards any particular poster =)

Totally understood, and I didn't think so - but thank you, elph =)

ribbons · 10-19-2020, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marie Monday

I vividly remember having a toddler crush on a girl with huge bambi eyes. Meanwhile a boy had a crush on me and decided that I was his girlfriend and I just sort of awkwardly acquiesced. I've been part of a toddler love triangle.

Well, it goes to show you were always a heartbreaker.

ribbons · 10-19-2020, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisnaholic

Yes, that is very heartless, especially as it sounds like your great-uncle was making a very difficult and brave statement.

Off topic, but you made me think about how we learn family history. When we're young, it's understandable if parents report the bare dramatic bones of a story, like a tabloid newspaper headline. In my case, one story I learned from my mum was: Man dies of heart attack at age 45 after playing squash

I never asked about this guy but was also never told any more than this, even though it was my uncle. Instead, when appropriate, this one fact would be rolled out again - the guy's entire life reduced to one sentence. And over the years, my mum's focus seemed to imply a disapproval that accumulated like this in my head:-
a mistake
a stupid mistake
a stupid mistake to place importance on sport
a stupid mistake to place importance on masculine sporting prowess

RIP my uncle, who I now wish I had asked about properly.

Thanks, Lisna. Yes, I agree that my great-uncle was making a very brave statement. I wish I knew him. I'm sorry to learn of the circumstances of your uncle's death and how such information gets suppressed in families, with negative connotations. As you stated, "the guy's entire life reduced to one sentence." May your uncle rest in peace. He has a wonderful nephew in you.