We know you're afraid of mature relationships Elph

Elph not every relationship in your life is going to be sexually goal-oriented, you telling me you've never had a good friend?

Well of course, I agree, and I hope my last post didn't make it sound as though I believe otherwise. Communication etc is important!!! Couples should regularly have frank discussions about their needs and desires! No one should just passively lie there/not be present even if one prefers a more submissive role in sex. (And from what I've heard/observed, a lot of women seem afraid or just weirdly averse toward the idea of being more assertive in that regard in general, I assume largely due to social conditioning. Many of us (women) in our younger years wound up with the idea that a.) sex is something that happens to us rather than something that is supposed to be mutually pleasurable and b.) ""sex"" = PIV penetration and NOTHING ELSE!! etc.

You're right on the money, Chio. It's liberating to un-train those social codes out of oneself, but it's a big job, and no one makes it easy.

Like how many girls do you know that you'd wager have never even looked at their own pussy, let alone explore it? Such a culture of shame smh.

It is SUCH a big laborious job, and one seemingly never stops uncovering insidiously internalized warped garbage messages/beliefs (stored in one's brain since the age of like 10 years old) along the way. It's like whack-a-mole. And then ofc there's having to learn to stop self-objectifying (which also starts at a horrifyingly young age!!)etc eTc EtC!!!!!!!

https://64.media.tumblr.com/c1f94b49...qe3q3s_540.gif

It starts from birth for girls! Before birth even, if you consider "gender reveal" parties. Before we're taught explicitly around puberty about how our young bodies are distracting to men and that the male gaze is a prize worth winning, we get the unspoken lessons, we pick up on the nuances of how Women are supposed to be through media and observation of the people in our worlds. It goes deep, and it all goes back to the church and the literal Patriarchy UGH.

uGH indeed.

Absolutely. It says enough that I thought I wanted to be a boy throughout my entire childhood, even though I've always been comfortable with having a female body and gender, just because I felt that I couldn't be who I was as a girl. Those notions just subtly creep in from the very first moment.

ALL THIS (bolded) ESPECIALLY UGH

It always makes me especially sad to see young women who haven't broken out of the spell yet (like they're Ella in Ella Enchanted or something) and absolutely require constant male validation in order to have a shred of self-esteem. And then there's the endlessly deep & swampy quicksand that is compulsory heterosexuality.

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/c4/c8/22/c...25c8aec160.jpg

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *leaps off a cliff while on fire*

..the above quote is always booming in my head in Margaret Atwood's voice when I catch myself almost unconsciously doing the whole "body check" thing in every reflective surface 35434543 times per day. Or the micro-adjustments one does when existing in any public space, be it the DMV or a party. SO stupid. The literal brainwashing we go through.

Omfg that is perfect, deeply resonant and makes me feel wholly ill. I still subconsciously operate in those terms, as if I'm being watched or monitored.. holy fuck you know what? My dad used to literally tell me to act like he was watching me on a security camera so I would "be good" when he left me home alone. Ugh god eww whyyy???????

My therapist will be hearing from me.