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02-10-2007, 05:00 AM | #274 (permalink) |
Music Addict
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 699
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The Last Will and Testament of Ryan Crowe
The only thing someone could ask for before they take their final journey.
Last Will and Testament of Ryan Crowe I want to be remembered, For the things I had said, As though my words helped you live, My words are scribbled in pages, Of your child's notebook and, Carved into the insides of your mouth. I want to be forgotten, Should I cause you pain, And left by the wayside again, My actions erased from memories, Leaving only the good times, In the hollows of your bones. I want to be celebrated, For the love I used to spread, Because even after my death, The impact carries on, Through the hearts of my own, Into the hearths of their homes. I want to be hated, Should I leave the earth in strife, As if a single tear were shed, From the fear of my name, If it passes your lips like poison, Burn my picture by candlelight. I want to be loved, My funeral is a gathering, For all of those who cared. Sing songs to my coffin, With no sign of pain or despair. Sing to my memory, like I'm singing to you today. R. Crowe Last edited by Crowe; 02-10-2007 at 02:07 PM. |
02-10-2007, 08:35 AM | #278 (permalink) | |
Ban Captain Caveman
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 560
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Burn my picture by candlelight. < Then burn... Other than that, I really dug this though.
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02-10-2007, 01:33 PM | #280 (permalink) |
snickers
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: detroit
Posts: 2,194
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Then is not necessary.
I liked it for the most part, but it's disappointing; it's not one of your best works, and the subject matter is extremely resolute. Maybe you understand where I'm coming from. Good things I noticed were: good flow and imagery. Bad things I noticed were: the excess commas, those seem completely useless, because the flow in this poem isn't the same as "The Warmth in Those Dying Years" or "She Smiled For All of Us", the words don't cross over lines to begin new thoughts. Too simple. Maybe it's just the fact that it didn't evoke much emotion, it seemed too monotonous and plain to be describing your last will in this world. Even more so seeing as how the poem is actually about you personally.
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A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño |
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