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Old 02-26-2006, 11:48 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mosesandtherubberducky
All I can say is sucks. Unless you are thinking ahead for the next pop movement then that song isn't going to go anywhere further than this board.
Hell! - when this guy has an album Im buying!
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Old 02-26-2006, 12:32 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Okay okay so I think we've clarified that this song sucks. To be honest I like the verses, but yeah I think the chorus could do with a lot of improvement. Could you guys try and give me more advice though?
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Old 02-26-2006, 02:33 PM   #13 (permalink)
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in the chorus try one of the two

- focusing on one thing and one thing only.. bringing it to a hole new level

- open up the chorus make it short and sweet, but not too details and clean like the rest of the song..

just my thoughts.
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Old 03-03-2006, 05:46 AM   #14 (permalink)
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i dont mind it.
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Old 03-04-2006, 05:46 AM   #15 (permalink)
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It needs a chorus other than that its k
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Old 03-04-2006, 08:41 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Winter
Hell! - when this guy has an album Im buying!
Hell! I'm not.
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Old 03-04-2006, 03:34 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Yes, change the chorus. I for one am down with the whole god bashing thing, but "Bad names for jesus" sounds like a rubbish playground chant and "whore" just doesn't make much sense (unless its a criticism of omnipresence).

How about:

When Jesus rode a donkey he was riding his dad
Because God is an ass
God is an ass

If you like it feel free to use it!
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When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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Old 03-05-2006, 02:21 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Haha that is classic. I'm changing the whore part.
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Old 03-05-2006, 02:23 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Okay then so the whore part is changed. What does everyone think now?
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Old 03-05-2006, 09:30 AM   #20 (permalink)
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i like it hobo.. you made the song a lot better i think good job!
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