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Old 03-15-2006, 11:24 AM   #1 (permalink)
infamous nimbus
 
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 140
Default My Home

Listen to this story
About my home.
About all the time that
I spent alone.
And during fights all the
Plates that were thrown
The screaming echoed eve- (every)
-ry one that broke

So when you ask me why
I seem so shy.
It's cuz I've been quiet
Most of my life.
Not much to say cuz I
Never liked fights.
And when I was home thats
All I would find.

(Chorus)
I dont even know what
Love really is.
No I couldn't tell you
The truth of it.
Someone great said its all
You really need.
Oh no, so where the f.uck
Does that leave me?
(/Chorus)

So I would run and hide
Down in my room.
Try to think of something
That I could do
Legos, paper airplanes,
Computer too
Couldn't wait till I could
Go back to school

(Chorus)

Not too cool but I would
Just find a smile.
It would hide the hate for
A little while
The family split while I
Was still a child
I guess thats just the A-
-merican style

(Chorus x2)
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Old 03-15-2006, 11:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
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im not quite sure about this one. it's ok might need a little fixing though!
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Old 03-15-2006, 12:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
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ok editing that makes it better. now can i can understand. keep up the good work!
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Old 03-15-2006, 12:39 PM   #4 (permalink)
Idontthinkyouknow
 
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This one speaks well. What sort of music is this set to? You have the melody arranged down to the last syllable, which I thought was kind of weird. The only thing I would say is I feel like you need another verse with a present day conclusion to the story.
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Old 03-15-2006, 12:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashing Sun
This one speaks well. What sort of music is this set to? You have the melody arranged down to the last syllable, which I thought was kind of weird. The only thing I would say is I feel like you need another verse with a present day conclusion to the story.
My band is kinda rock, kinda reggae, kinda kinda. We're trying for our own style, thought I dont know if this is gonna make it or not. We try to make more positive messages than just complaining about the past, so ya I agree a present day conclusion would be a good idea.

I think it sounds best when the syllables match up with the bass line. Bass is kinda the base of our sound along with the drums, so the lyrics matching sounds good. The guitar flies while this is all going on, but still based around the same melody.
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Old 03-15-2006, 01:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Let us know if you get anything online. I still can't really picture the music but I think the lyrics do their job.
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Old 03-15-2006, 03:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Very boring song. You need to go into detail more, it is very shallow for a song that requires such depth to succeed. Many songs have been sone like this in the past, you need to do something much more original with the subject material than you are.
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Old 03-15-2006, 07:01 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I like this one, nice flow to it.
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