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Old 04-23-2006, 01:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Default Why do you not review my songs anymore?

I'm lost inside you
like so many others
Wish I knew a way out
so I could run for cover
I feel so used
but I love that feeling
It gives me coshure
til my mind needs healing
Desperation
I like to call it love
You are my trophy
I fall into you, shoved



Just a short one I just wrote up before I head up. As always, you guys got any thoughts? Everyone seems to be avoiding my songs now and I would like to know why...
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Old 04-23-2006, 02:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
dontcareaboutyou
 
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because theyre all good so i read them but dont feel need to say good job over and over ...good job, nice, simple, good.
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Old 04-23-2006, 02:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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oh fair enough but I would ALWAYS like some criticism. Even if it's only small. Criticism is the best way to help me, rather than telling me my song is good. So please criticise away!
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Old 04-23-2006, 02:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
mhmm
 
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^just trying to give you some of that criticism

You used "I" too many times, try to give it a feel that you aren't the only person in the song, maybe use some of the beat to describe the one you are drawn towards.
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Old 04-23-2006, 02:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
Me llamo Marijan
 
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one thing i've started to mind about your lyrics/songs/poems is that they deal mostly with love and your feelings....but you're young, i'm sure you'll evolve...and i would like it to be more abstract. but again, it's rather normal that at your age you go from what you know/feel/see. this is all coming from a person that can't write to save his life so apologies in advance.
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Old 04-23-2006, 10:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
The Wetter The Better!!
 
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I tried to help you out the other day!!
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Old 04-23-2006, 10:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
isfckingdead
 
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I don't like that "shoved" part, it seems forced and like it was thrown in there just to rhyme, on another note. I don't review your songs much anymore just 'cause I never really have anything to add to them.
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Old 04-23-2006, 11:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
angel of tragic days
 
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i actually really adore this song you've wrote. normaly i always like your stuff but this is different from the rest. But it seems as if your going in a new direction? once someone reads that song about god being a whore then reading this one there is a big personallity change in the style of the songs.

i personally like this more then the older stuff i read of yours.. good job.
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Old 04-24-2006, 12:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Okay then, thanks for the many opinions...

Armyofme I understand where you are coming from about the use of the word 'I', I'll try to cut it down.

adidasss, about me writing about my feelings and not doing to many abstract songs, well I was actually trying to cut down on the abstract songs because I went on a huge period of time where I alienated myself from my work.

Crowquill that line at the end was really about the relationship I have with the girl I'm seeing, as in you try to keep upto todays standards of dating and what have you but you also want to do things your way without the pressure of others. As adidasss said, I'm young

Murder Junkie thanks for reviewing my other lyric, even though I can't remember which one.

And Explosions in my pants, thanks.
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Old 04-25-2006, 03:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
Don't think twice
 
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you post so many songs maybe it would be cool if you like waited and compiled it all into one thread saying ' 3 songs' or something or maybe take more time to write a longer masterpiece.
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Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation
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