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Old 06-25-2006, 04:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Sweet Dreams and Good Luck

Interpretation is fairly open. It is a metaphor, but it could be any bad decision, any mistake, going to hell, etc. Let me know what you think of them!

Alluria
by Robert LeCheminant

Welcome to Alluria!
Our quaint little town will serve you well.
Please, won't you come by and have yourself a drink?

What's ours is yours so don't be shy.
Why don't you relax and grab a bite?
We'll whip you up something nice.

Please don't go! We want you to stay!

Come and stay in our grand hotel.
It won't cost a dime, just come by and stay the night.
For the weary traveler it's on the house tonight!

What's that? There's blood on your pillowcase?
There's nothing to fret. Just lay down your head and sleep.
Sweet dreams and good luck to you.

Please don't go! We want you to stay!

Something isn't right. I want to leave.
Something isn't right. I can't breathe.
Something isn't right. I can't leave!

Sorry boy, but you have made your choice...
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Old 06-26-2006, 04:18 PM   #2 (permalink)
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The style of this is good, I like the idea and most of the lyrics, apart from the ending:

"Something isn't right. I want to leave.
Something isn't right. I can't breathe.
Something isn't right. I can't leave!

Sorry boy, but you have made your choice..."

The I want to leave/ I can't breathe / I can't leave parts are really naff. Change them please! And the "something isn't right" and "sorry boy..." phrases didn't really grab me.

Also, the song seems to need a repeated chorus part, which I guess would be either the part mentioned below or the "please don't go" part. Whichever it is, I'd imagine this would work better if its repeated, with a repeating melodic line to serve as a chorus. This lyric is punchy and not very deep, so it seems that it would work better with a catchy and direct (rather than subtle) melody.
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Old 06-26-2006, 04:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to Alluria!
Our quaint little town will serve you well.
Please, won't you come by and have yourself a drink?
What's ours is yours so don't be shy.
Why don't you relax and grab a bite?
We'll whip you up something nice.

That'll make a good chorus...trouble is you need another two verses.
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Old 06-27-2006, 05:03 AM   #4 (permalink)
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But this a a very open metaphore so that shouldn't really be a problem should it? You could add a part where the person is thinking about whether he shall stay (bad choice) or leave (good choice), and have the people who want him to stay, nag on him, with false promises. That would be a sort of metaphore for how the people around him have effect on his decisions. If that is the underlying meaning you had in mind for it yourself.
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Old 06-28-2006, 09:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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this just somehow got another song stuck in my damn head, that Be Our Guest song from Beauty and the Beast
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