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Old 01-01-2007, 07:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
w0rd
 
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C’mon! We’ll start a revolution!
C’mon! Your final retribution!
The crimes at dawn,
The blood on your hands
All shall be gone
As we overthrow this nation

We can’t buy freedom
But we risk losing it
We let one crime slide
An innocent bystander suffers,
So raise your hands in the air,
Start clenching your fists.
Today, it gets hard,
Today, we start to resist.

C’mon! We’ll start a revolution!
C’mon! Your final retribution!
The crimes at dawn,
The blood on your hands
All shall be gone
As we overthrow this nation…
C’mon! We’ll start a revolution!
C’mon! Your final retribution!

All I got so far, Ima add more on later
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Old 01-02-2007, 11:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
Ban Captain Caveman
 
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This reminds me so much of my first songs...And just like mine, it's shit. First off, the repetition is frickin' appalling. The only okay rhyme is fists/resists. Only because they aren't in AA form. You lack any form of innovation, that could set this apart from crap punk groups like the Casualties and the Sex Pistols. Brush up on literary techniques and such. Don't worry, we all start out like this. Just keep pluggin'.
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Wolverinewolfweiselpigeon said:

What's with people dying? Shit.
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Old 01-04-2007, 08:34 AM   #3 (permalink)
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is a rock song?
i think is good, but you have to finished it right? Paper Hurricans said that is ****, i don't think it like that but I'm sure that keep on continuing writing it you will modificate some part. write a song need a long process. I write songs as well as some are incomplete because I need the inspiration. anyway I?m waiting to see all the song complete and I'll tell you what i think about it.
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Old 01-04-2007, 06:59 PM   #4 (permalink)
Im Just As Sweet!!!:)
 
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Ohhhh blainka thats the best song so far.I really like it its awsome
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Old 01-04-2007, 07:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Blainka, I'll go out on a limb and say you were listening to RATM as you wrote that?
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Old 01-04-2007, 08:40 PM   #6 (permalink)
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It's nowhere near finished yet, and Oojay, a bit of Rise Against and RATM yes. Good guess
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Old 01-04-2007, 09:57 PM   #7 (permalink)
ashes against the grain
 
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cliche, overdone, and otherwise fine
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We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that.
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Old 01-04-2007, 10:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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RA and RATM are awesome.
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Wolverinewolfweiselpigeon said:

What's with people dying? Shit.
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