Untitled (effect, quote, Hang)

ZeppelinAir · 03-10-2007, 07:53 PM

a quick fifteen minute thing i just wrote when i was bored and so i thought why not post cause well i am bored

Its so easy to forget what you have learned,
All those years washed away in a shower of ignorance,
Killing the trust between friends to feed your own sick desires,

But you say it was so easy,
But your crying now.

You always thought you could make it through,
And not be takin In by the moment Of wishes never to come true,
Make your way through fog to the ones you left astray,

And you thought it was so easy,
And your crying now.

Lost what you have and left on your own,
A broken boy without a home,
Its ironic that you hate to be alone,

Always thought it was so damn easy,
And your crying, your crying now

ZeppelinAir · 03-11-2007, 11:51 PM

bump......

i want someone to give there opinion....please

sleepy jack · 03-12-2007, 12:12 AM

"rain of ignorance"

Change it to shower of ignorance, its a small change but rain of *word here* is overused.

Quote:

And you thought it was so damn easy,
And your crying now.

Take out damn in all but the final one. Its more effective that way.

ZeppelinAir · 03-12-2007, 12:16 AM

i guess your right it does go better

ZeppelinAir · 03-13-2007, 06:34 PM

any other opinions?

skindredluver · 03-13-2007, 07:21 PM

I really like it and crowquill was right I cant really find any other bad spots though.....

03-10-2007, 07:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	Untitled a quick fifteen minute thing i just wrote when i was bored and so i thought why not post cause well i am bored Its so easy to forget what you have learned, All those years washed away in a shower of ignorance, Killing the trust between friends to feed your own sick desires, But you say it was so easy, But your crying now. You always thought you could make it through, And not be takin In by the moment Of wishes never to come true, Make your way through fog to the ones you left astray, And you thought it was so easy, And your crying now. Lost what you have and left on your own, A broken boy without a home, Its ironic that you hate to be alone, Always thought it was so damn easy, And your crying, your crying now __________________ not that old signature Last edited by ZeppelinAir; 03-13-2007 at 06:34 PM.

03-11-2007, 11:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	bump...... i want someone to give there opinion....please __________________ not that old signature

03-12-2007, 12:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	i guess your right it does go better __________________ not that old signature

03-13-2007, 06:34 PM	#5 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	any other opinions? __________________ not that old signature

03-13-2007, 07:21 PM	#6 (permalink)
skindredluver Im Just As Sweet!!!:) Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: america Posts: 570	I really like it and crowquill was right I cant really find any other bad spots though..... __________________ Let them live in the stillness and know the flame. They will loose all and give all.. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to look at but not so bright Coffee, chocolate and men, some things are just better rich