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Old 04-20-2008, 04:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 6
Default please review

lyrics to an as-of-yet-untitled song.

with your tongue free of teeth you'll scream satellites
and swallow a sun that never shines
your eyes swelled to immeasurable size
raining on us it feels
like love
like love
like love

any feedback is appreciated.
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Old 04-20-2008, 11:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
hxcveggies's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: My heart is in Ohio
Posts: 4

What's the tune like?
God. He's my main man. Suckahh.
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Old 04-28-2008, 07:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
Ima teen playin geetarh
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Perv -_-
Posts: 4

Good so far... keep writing this!
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Old 05-07-2008, 08:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
Bringer of Carrots
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 648

So far it seems like perfect poetry... makes little to no sense and sounds very clever

good job.

I would like to hear or read it when it is finished.
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