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Feathers On My Spine
I watch hallowed birds fly
I Watch them die But the sky is afraid of the devil And the devil is afraid of the sky He is too dark and cold So when the feathered souls find their way Will they still come back in may Cause when I try to fly like them I fall, I fall like a rock And when I try to enlighten them I feel, I feel so f**ked Kin of the dead Make my hands red Cause when the fire Burns the liars We’ll all be gone I have feathers on my spine Cause I don’t follow the line So I shine, So I shine |
How It Traps It's Prey
Run…
Run… Run… A bowl of shadows With binding lights That Trap in the night When The skeleton walks with limp Run… A creepy little flame Stuck in the same game That you’re in You try to escape Reality Run… A broken old cross Stands with a A disease That brings you to your knees (Instrumental Section) Run… A pack of wolves Tear at your skin As punishment For your sins This is how it traps it’s prey This is how it traps it’s prey This is how it traps it’s prey Run… A place to escape The world that we hate Come with me Come with me Run… To a new world We’ve always had But could never See it It won’t trap us here |
The Protester
God layed down his hands
so you could touch you were never fast enough So you hid yourself behind the wall got drunk off it all and then September came with all its war and fame you came out, to protest God layed down his hands so you could touch but you gave up So Radical and extremist the cops came to disperse you bursted in flames in this verse god layed down his hands so you could touch He grabbed your heart and took you up |
Kewpie Doll
The city burns awayThe Repition works more like an echo in this song |
Coma
I feel like I’m trapped underwater This is emo-folk |
Embers
As some of you may know I'm part of a youth ministry band (part-time), and to bring in some creativity i wrote my first worship song (for those of you who think i hate Christians, you're sadly mistaken, i just dislike the ones that try to FORCE their beliefs on to you) please tell me what you think. also i kinda need guitar & bass for this, so if you guys could help out that'd be great.
I got caught up in the holy fire That rains, rains upon your name That rains, rains upon your name Your Embers fall like shooting starsand From the sky you have reigned Healing wounds of our pain And with my heart I will say Bring Upon your embers v1, v2, bridge/v3, chorus, v1, chorus, bridge/v3, chorus If this needs rearrangement please tell me (first four are in order of the lyrics) |
Wow, I see improvement with each song. Very good. Are there any songs in particular you want me to critique?
peace, -nick |
Embers
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In reference to your lyrics they look similar to Fire Fall Down by Hillsong United. The only thing I would say is that your metaphor needs to be much, much more grand. I would also say that your lyrics need to be more of a conversation-- most worship songs generally consist of a question, a comparison, and an answer to that question. The hard part though is finding a balance between understandabillity and artistry. Your still leaning to the vague side. Worship songs need to be more descernible.
Some good artists to look at for worship musc are Derek Webb, Sandra McKraken (his wife), and obviously some more obscure names like Andy Gullahorn (who is actually good at writing worship songs when he does-- he also sounds allot Jose Gonzolez) So, my point is that your point needs to come off more obviously than it is and also be much more grand. You should also avoid using overused metaphors. If God can be described with many metaphors, most people sure aren't exploring those descriptions. I hope that's more along the lines of what you were looking for. |
I think the verse that bugs me the most is the second, but i'm not sure how to change it.
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