TumorAttitude's Songwriting Journal

~~TumorAttitude~~ · 05-05-2009, 07:43 PM

Um....no one?
Thats ok, I'll try not to post anything too....bland in the future. I just was kinda hoping you guys would give me some tips? *pouts*

Naked · 05-05-2009, 07:46 PM

Don't worry about it, I've had many good songs die on these boards.
Try to avoid cliches like "shine like a diamond" and the like, think of your own ways to say them, make them personal. They always end up being able to describe what you're trying to say better than Cliches do.

And don't be so down on yourself.

Trauma · 05-08-2009, 10:21 PM

I hate this.
Christians need to stop telling open-minded individuals to go to Hell.

Why don't you write something like this instead:

A man walked up to me the other day
He had a shirt on that said
"Homophobia is whack"
I said, "Hey, you're going to Hell."

Then the man kissed me
It was wonderful

Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like

Never knew I was gay
Always thought it was something you learned

Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like

Amen

Rough draft.

Alfred · 05-08-2009, 10:25 PM

^

~~TumorAttitude~~ · 05-08-2009, 10:41 PM

Um, actually, I wrote this song with homophobia in mind. What if the person who was writing out the bible (through God, I guess), screwed up and put one of his own opinions in there? And that opinion was to stone the ***s? And God, real God, doesn't really care if you're straight or ***, he just wants peace and equality?

But what happens to the bad-egg "prophet"? He goes to hell, but since he started an army of small-minded bigots, he "brought everyone down with him".

I'm aware that these arn't good, but I'M NOT A BIGOT. I'M NOT A HOMOPHOBE. AND THIS SONG ISN'T REALLY A CHRISTIAN ANTHEM. Its fiction.

~~CAPTAIN CAVEMAN~~ · 05-09-2009, 12:03 AM

well that was terrible

Trauma · 05-09-2009, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TumorAttitude

THIS SONG ISN'T REALLY A CHRISTIAN ANTHEM. Its fiction.

Are they not interchangeable?

~~TumorAttitude~~ · 05-10-2009, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trauma

Are they not interchangeable?

Leh, I dunno. Existentialist.

Yes, I know its crap. I always sort of knew it was crap. But what can I do to NOT write crap? What can I do to improve on the monstrosity I have created?

Naked · 05-10-2009, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TumorAttitude

Leh, I dunno. Existentialist.

Yes, I know its crap. I always sort of knew it was crap. But what can I do to NOT write crap? What can I do to improve on the monstrosity I have created?

Read lyrics of the masters. Do drugs, open your mind. Start looking at the world in a different way, one of abstract metaphors and connections.

Guybrush · 05-16-2009, 06:16 AM

TumorAttitude, your threads have been merged into one.

Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html

Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name.

05-08-2009, 10:21 PM	#13 (permalink)
Trauma snickers Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: detroit Posts: 2,194	I hate this. Christians need to stop telling open-minded individuals to go to Hell. Why don't you write something like this instead: A man walked up to me the other day He had a shirt on that said "Homophobia is whack" I said, "Hey, you're going to Hell." Then the man kissed me It was wonderful Now I know what Heaven's like Now I know what Heaven's like Now I know what Heaven's like Now I know what Heaven's like Never knew I was gay Always thought it was something you learned Now I know what Heaven's like Now I know what Heaven's like Amen Rough draft. __________________ A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño

05-08-2009, 10:25 PM	#14 (permalink)
Alfred one big soul Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 5,096	^ __________________ LAST.FM / VINYL COLLECTION / RYM

05-16-2009, 06:16 AM	#20 (permalink)
Guybrush Juicious Maximus III Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Scabb Island Posts: 6,525	TumorAttitude, your threads have been merged into one. Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name. __________________ Something Completely Different

05-05-2009, 07:43 PM	#11 (permalink)
~~TumorAttitude~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Purgatory Posts: 749	Um....no one? Thats ok, I'll try not to post anything too....bland in the future. I just was kinda hoping you guys would give me some tips? pouts

05-05-2009, 07:46 PM	#12 (permalink)
Naked Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 48	Don't worry about it, I've had many good songs die on these boards. Try to avoid cliches like "shine like a diamond" and the like, think of your own ways to say them, make them personal. They always end up being able to describe what you're trying to say better than Cliches do. And don't be so down on yourself.

05-08-2009, 10:41 PM	#15 (permalink)
~~TumorAttitude~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Purgatory Posts: 749	Um, actually, I wrote this song with homophobia in mind. What if the person who was writing out the bible (through God, I guess), screwed up and put one of his own opinions in there? And that opinion was to stone the *s? And God, real God, doesn't really care if you're straight or *, he just wants peace and equality? But what happens to the bad-egg "prophet"? He goes to hell, but since he started an army of small-minded bigots, he "brought everyone down with him". I'm aware that these arn't good, but I'M NOT A BIGOT. I'M NOT A HOMOPHOBE. AND THIS SONG ISN'T REALLY A CHRISTIAN ANTHEM. Its fiction.

05-09-2009, 12:03 AM	#16 (permalink)
~~CAPTAIN CAVEMAN~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: VAN Posts: 2,530	well that was terrible