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Old 02-03-2009, 12:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Elvon's Songwriting Journal

Hello, this is my new song, and I hope you like it leave comments please and let me know what you think about it! (It's short but I didnt finish it yet) (:


I tried to stand again and tell the world that you were mine
Waited and waited so long and I.. coudnt wait from six to nine
You told me your coming, I just changed to a better person to look much better to you.. But that thing.. happened! never knew it's true!!!


When I first saw you I knew it was right, I knew it deep inside my mind and I will always stand by your side

So stay with me promise to always love you cause you make me see that the world is so much more, and when I see you smile it nothing else that matters but you- and its true

Youre my little angel!


I never had the chance to tell you that you're the one I love!
Never thought that it would happen, and I just saw it infront of me..
Went on the floor! blood on your face.. And It just happened in my place!!

When I first saw you I knew it was right, I knew it deep inside my mind and I will always stand by your side

So stay with me promise to always love you cause you make me see that the world is so much more, and when I see you smile it nothing else that matters but you- and its true

Youre my little angel!
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Old 02-03-2009, 01:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm not normally one to come out and say that lyrics suck or are awful, but this is bad.
First of all, love songs make me sick, and the line 'you're my little angel' was an awful one to base a song on.
I cannot find a line in here that is worth mentioning. The whole thing lacks any structure or continuity and I cannot see these lyrics fitting any song.
Yuck. Thumbs down.
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Old 02-03-2009, 01:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I LOVE IT!
i REALLY DO.
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Old 02-03-2009, 07:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Not so much a fan Elvon, I'm sorry. It sounds too much like something a sixth grade girl would write in her diary when dashing 'Johnny Sunshine' said "hello" to her that day and she's in the midst of struggling with her body's changes. I hope to god you are not a man. If you are... once again, I apologize.

"Went on the floor! blood on your face.. And It just happened in my place!!"

This little snippit made the mushy lyrics seem to turn all 'wannabe emo' all of a sudden?

Just didn't do it for me.
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Old 02-04-2009, 06:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
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aveneficus (: You might be right but.. You might be also wrong.
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Old 02-04-2009, 06:09 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Yes... but he also might be right.
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Old 02-04-2009, 06:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I know.. I get it guys ^^ This seriously sucks. :/ Well.. I guess i tried? :P
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Old 02-04-2009, 11:05 AM   #8 (permalink)
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no harm in trying
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Old 02-04-2009, 11:12 AM   #9 (permalink)
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i liked it.
plus it might sound great with music.
los palmers seven has waiter as it's only lyric but still sounds great.
Plus it may be marketed at teenagers in love.
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Old 02-04-2009, 12:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Mhmm, maybe you're right :/
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