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Old 10-09-2009, 02:32 PM   #151 (permalink)
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Default A free verse poem about a cat

Hello MB and especially those who care about cats,

First, Unfan and Nick, I wrote replies to you in my previous post. In this post I am including a poem that I wrote about the cat I knew and loved when I was younger. I wrote this poem in my early 20s for myself...that is, I never intended to share it...it was not written with an audience in mind. So, this poem shows how I think about things when I am not thinking about someone thinking about what I am thinking (heh heh...that's a lot of thinking, I know).

I decided to share my poem about a cat because I learned The Unfan has cats whom he loves:

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Unfan View Post
If people love animals that is fine. I have no issue with those sentiments. I have 3 cats which I love, although I don't view them as my children. I do know that they have emotional needs, like humans, but at the same time I value my life over theirs. So yes, I agree someone can love other animals for the most part I value human lives more.
Music Rating System Ranking for "Carnivore": FFFVAL (standing for "Free, Free, Free Verse at Last!"). Yes, AwwSugar, if you are reading this, the time has finally arrived: I am posting something that DOESN'T RHYME!!!
------------------------------------------------------------

"Carnivore" by Erica

Speckled feline
slinkily strolling
through the dappled shadows
along the wall of the garage,
stops her snake-like progression
and stares out at me
with her direct
curdled-orange embers
aslant
above her triangle nose.

Silent observer
of my strange motions
in the garden
twitches her furry tail,
hidden except for the white tip
in the prickly grass.
She greets me with a
meow
and minces toward me
through the weeds.

Oh, little sunny face,
so delicate and sharp
and soft beneath my hand,
if only
you could recognize your beauty
and see the reflection
of your perfection
in my eyes.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 03-11-2013 at 08:28 PM.
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Old 10-09-2009, 03:48 PM   #152 (permalink)
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Quote:
"Carnivore" by Erica

Speckled feline
slinkily strolling
through the dappled shadows
along the wall of the garage...
stops her snake-like progression
and stares out at me
with her direct
curdled-orange embers
aslant
above her triangle nose.

Silent observer
of my strange motions
in the garden...
twitches her furry tail,
hidden except for the white tip
in the prickly grass.
She greets me with a
meow
and minces toward me
through the weeds.

Oh, little sunny face,
so delicate and sharp
and soft beneath my hand...
if only
you could recognize your beauty
and see the reflection
of your perfection
in my eyes.
Dear Erica,

I love the first and last verses of this poem. I think the imagery and vocabulary you used were absolutely beautiful. However, in the second verse, I feel the mystery of our feline is given away with words such as "furry tail" and "meow."

Obviously we know what the poem is about in the first verse, but I'm not so sure about completely surrendering everything about the cat. I'm not sure if this makes sense.

My favourite line?

Quote:
if only you could recognize your beauty and see the reflection of your perfection in my eyes
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Old 10-10-2009, 07:13 AM   #153 (permalink)
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"Carnivore" was very good, although I was tempted not to read it because of the name. Sigh. Actually, I personally think it's your best yet. The rhyming at the end made it that much more satisfying to read.

"Sow" is decent. Pretty close to the first etc. You've written better.

Personally, I like this FFFVAL style. It frees up your mind to think. Who said you *had* to write with rules anyway?

peace,
-nick
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Old 10-25-2009, 04:58 PM   #154 (permalink)
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Default "LOOK OUT" song lyrics

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicktarist View Post
"Carnivore" was very good, although I was tempted not to read it because of the name. Sigh. Actually, I personally think it's your best yet. The rhyming at the end made it that much more satisfying to read.

Personally, I like this FFFVAL style. It frees up your mind to think. Who said you *had* to write with rules anyway?

peace,
-nick
Thanks for reading, Nick. For some reason I find myself gravitating right now toward rhyming...but it would be a good exercise for me to at least try writing a song that has some stanzas that use rhyming and some that use free verse.

AwwSugar, I understand what you mean about surrendering everything about the cat! You want a sense of mystery and discovery that gets destroyed if the lyrics simply state what the topic is. Thanks for your feedback.

Below is a song, "Look out," that I wrote over a month ago and have been mulling over. It is one of my strident vegan rhyming songs. I wrote it to address very bluntly the most common reason, "taste," that people (including ovo-lacto vegetarians...now may be the time for our vegan/vegetarian "fight," AwwSugar! ) seem to give for eating animal products. I tried to make the lyrics simple and straightforward with lots of repetition so that they stick in people's brains (if they manage to read the whole thing).

MUSICAL RATING SYSTEM Ranking for "LOOK OUT" is BA for "blatant activism."

*********************************
LOOK OUT” by Erica

(VERSE)
Pop the bubble of your bubblegum ice cream.
Hold the milk from your cappuccino frothing with steam.
Put down your bacon burger and your buttery croissant.
Think of all who suffer for what you want:
the little veal calf locked alone in a stall,
all the creatures you exploit, great and small.
Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream.
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream.

(CHORUS)
Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done
by blindly following tradition,
turning sentient beings into tasty treats
though you don’t need dairy, eggs, or meats.
Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done
by accepting others’ domination
making animals into a commodity
though we don’t need eggs, meat, or dairy.

(VERSE)
Sure, you can eat cows and hogs.
Sure, you can eat cats and dogs.
Sure, you can eat birds and fish.
Sure, you can turn any beast into a dish.
Sure, you can eat whales and dolphins.
Sure, you can even eat humans.
And you’d probably think they all taste good,
but just because you can doesn’t mean you should!

(CHORUS)
So look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done
by blindly following tradition,
turning sentient beings into tasty treats
though you don’t need dairy, eggs, or meats.
Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done
by accepting others’ domination
making animals into a commodity
though we don’t need eggs, meat, or dairy.

(BRIDGE)
Wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs.
Wisdom concedes wants aren’t needs.
Wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs.
No one needs to make others bleed.

(MUSICAL INTERLUDE)

(VERSE)
Sure, you can eat cows and hogs.
Sure, you can eat turtles and frogs.
Sure, you can eat fish and birds.
Sure, you can eat sheep and goat herds.
Sure, you can eat seals and shark fins.
Sure, you can even eat humans.
And you’d probably think they all taste good,
but just because you can doesn’t mean you should!

(CHORUS)
So, look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done
by blindly following tradition,
turning sentient beings into tasty treats
though you don’t need dairy, eggs, or meats.
Look out, look out, look out at what you’ve done
by accepting others’ domination
making animals into a commodity
though we don’t need eggs, meat, or dairy.

(VERSE)
Pop the bubble of your bubblegum ice cream.
Let the fish swim on in the shimmering stream.
Put down the chicken legs in your shake and bake.
Think of all who suffer for the choices you make:
the dying poultry in cages stretching wall to wall,
all the creatures you exploit, great and small.
Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream.
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream!

Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream.
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream!

Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream.
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream!
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream!
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream!

***********************************
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 10-25-2009 at 05:39 PM.
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Old 10-25-2009, 05:30 PM   #155 (permalink)
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I like that you rate it ahead of time.

I tried reading it.

It didn't work out well.

I'd rather it not be so... in your face.
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Originally Posted by Sansa Stark View Post
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Old 10-25-2009, 05:45 PM   #156 (permalink)
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Default Shorter "LOOK OUT" lyrics

Quote:
Originally Posted by AwwSugar View Post
I like that you rate it ahead of time.

I tried reading it.

It didn't work out well.

I'd rather it not be so... in your face.
Heh heh...yes, you are right, it is very in your face (kind of like the pig avatar I briefly posted...you know, the slaughtered pig with her/his skin stripped off so she/he is completely bloody and bright red--the avatar I replaced with the cute piglet since you said the slaughtered pig was "creepy," which I should hope it would be). Thanks for trying, Aww.

One thing I know about activism is that anger scares people, and so it is best to reach out to people without showing anger or trying to make them feel guilty. However, I also want to express what I see and feel. What I see is people caring only about how something (who was a someone) tastes...and probably no one has ever challenged them to question the ethics of the behavior they (and all around them) accept as completely moral and good...if they think of ethics in relationship to food at all.

Taking your feedback in mind, AwwSugar, I cut out part of the song to make a shorter version, so at least the unpleasure of reading it doesn't last as long!

MUSICAL RATING SYSTEM Ranking for "LOOK OUT" (shorter version) is *still* BA for "blatant activism."

*********************************
ďLOOK OUTĒ (Shorter version) by Erica

(VERSE)
Pop the bubble of your bubblegum ice cream.
Hold the milk from your cappuccino frothing with steam.
Put down your bacon burger and your buttery croissant.
Think of all who suffer for what you want:
the little veal calf locked alone in a stall,
all the creatures you exploit, great and small.
Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream.
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream.

(CHORUS)
Look out, look out, look out at what youíve done
by blindly following tradition,
turning sentient beings into tasty treats
though you donít need dairy, eggs, or meats.
Look out, look out, look out at what youíve done
by accepting othersí domination
making animals into a commodity
though we donít need eggs, meat, or dairy.

(VERSE)
Sure, you can eat cows and hogs.
Sure, you can eat cats and dogs.
Sure, you can eat birds and fish.
Sure, you can turn any beast into a dish.
Sure, you can eat whales and dolphins.
Sure, you can even eat humans.
And youíd probably think they all taste good,
but just because you can doesnít mean you should!

(CHORUS)
So look out, look out, look out at what youíve done
by blindly following tradition,
turning sentient beings into tasty treats
though you donít need dairy, eggs, or meats.
Look out, look out, look out at what youíve done
by accepting othersí domination
making animals into a commodity
though we donít need eggs, meat, or dairy.

(BRIDGE)
Wants arenít needs. Wants arenít needs.
Wisdom concedes wants arenít needs.
Wants arenít needs. Wants arenít needs.
No one needs to make others bleed.

(VERSE)
So, pop the bubble of your bubblegum ice cream.
Let the fish swim on in the shimmering stream.
Put down the chicken legs in your shake and bake.
Think of all who suffer for the choices you make:
the dying poultry in cages stretching wall to wall,
all the creatures you exploit, great and small.
Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream.
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream!

Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream.
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream!

Wake up, wake up from your self-absorbed dream.
Pop the bubble of your bubble gum ice cream!

***********************************
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 10-27-2009 at 08:28 AM.
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Old 10-31-2009, 01:53 AM   #157 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA
ďLOOK OUTĒ (Shorter version) by Erica
Though I don't necessarily believe in what you're writing about, I do think that it's a catchy song and that it's written very well. A song like this needs to be upbeat in order to catch people's attention and you nailed it.

Good job.
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Old 11-01-2009, 01:59 AM   #158 (permalink)
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I'm still not in any way intrigued.
I love what you're writing for, so I stand for it anyway.
I'm glad you removed that avatar.
I guess it bothered me because I KNOW that's going on.
It's the reason I don't eat meat.
So I've sheltered myself into thinking I've fixed everything.
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Old 11-01-2009, 01:50 PM   #159 (permalink)
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Quote:
Wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs.
Wisdom concedes wants aren’t needs.
Wants aren’t needs. Wants aren’t needs.
No one needs to make others bleed.
It's catchy, but social sciences define 'wants' as specific needs. (I'm hungry, so I'll eat this etc.) The last line is the only one that is non-refutable. In order to make that stanza work, you have to prove the blood-shed is completely and utterly unecessary.

btw, have you ever read 'Life of Pi' by Yann Martel?
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It only takes one jerk to prove any hypothesis absolutely false. Like, have you ever heard the rumor that you can drop cash on the street in Tokyo and the people are so honest that someone will find it, pick it up, and take it to the cops? Well, that's absolutely 100% not true, because I once found a plain envelope on the ground with "6,000 yen" written on it. Inside was 6,000 yen. I put it in my pocket and kept walking.
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Old 11-02-2009, 11:22 AM   #160 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Senf View Post
Though I don't necessarily believe in what you're writing about, I do think that it's a catchy song and that it's written very well. A song like this needs to be upbeat in order to catch people's attention and you nailed it.

Good job.
Thank you, Senf, for your feedback. I also thought an upbeat song would be best, since the song topic isn't one people may want to hear...which is always the challenge when writing songs like mine!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AwwSugar View Post
I'm still not in any way intrigued.
I love what you're writing for, so I stand for it anyway.
I'm glad you removed that avatar.
I guess it bothered me because I KNOW that's going on.
It's the reason I don't eat meat.
So I've sheltered myself into thinking I've fixed everything.
AwwSugar, you tried to read it *again*! Thanks. <3
I think I understand what you want: you gravitate toward songs that feel very free (and so don't rhyme...much, at least) and that are subtle...songs that let you, the listener, discover the meaning as you listen to the song, rather than having it be so obvious from the very start. And you like songs that inspire emotions that draw you into the song rather than push you away. So, maybe that is the reason my more personal song, "I," appealed to you a little more (?)...since it was simply describing my personal feelings/experiences rather than trying to teach a lesson and challenge (so obviously).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicktarist View Post
It's catchy, but social sciences define 'wants' as specific needs. (I'm hungry, so I'll eat this etc.) The last line is the only one that is non-refutable. In order to make that stanza work, you have to prove the blood-shed is completely and utterly unecessary.

btw, have you ever read 'Life of Pi' by Yann Martel?
Hey, Nick,
Interestingly, I was most concerned about the last line of the "bridge" ("No one needs to make others bleed") because it was the one I thought of refutations to, such as: vaccinating children (while not necessary, certainly very, very advisable), and eating animals when humans live in locations such as the arctic or dry, high grasslands, where opportunities for large-scale plant agriculture are unavailable.

I'm glad you mentioned your issue with "wants" because I had not realized people might feel "wants" mean the same as necessities. I was actually using an "economic" definition of wants (below), but hearing your feedback will cause me to think of other options to using the word "wants."

Quote:
(Wikipedia): In economics, a want is something that is desired. It is said that people have unlimited wants, but limited resources. Each person has wants. You might want a laptop while your best friend may want a desktop computer. Thus, people cannot have everything they want and must look for the best alternatives which they can afford.

Wants are often distinguished from needs. A need is something that is necessary for survival (such as food and shelter), whereas a want is simply something that a person would like to have."
I had heard of 'Life of Pi' but have not read it, so I looked up its summary (on Wikipedia again). An interesting ethical story, that's for sure! Thanks for asking about it...I didn't realize it related to vegetarian ethics issues. I certainly know *I* wouldn't want to be stuck on a boat with a tiger! The story reminds me of a Woody Allen quote that goes something like, "It's just a big restaurant out there" (in nature).

Thanks for reading, Nick. Are you working on a new song right now? I haven't seen anything new in your collection for a while!

--Erica
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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