BillyShears

You're a clever one Ben.

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What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

What'sNext?

I really really like School. Nice rhyming. It doesn't sound like you have to force the lyrics to fit. I like that a lot. The only little part is a line that you mentioned had already been done. The "you try to get up but they'll just knock you down" It sounds a bit Cliche, but otherwise, nice work!

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We've gone from the Beatles to the Black Eyed Peas... what's next?

Mick

Nice work.

School's my favourite.

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"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." - Elvis Presley

BillyShears

Thank you

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What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

t3hplatyz0rz

"School" is, in case you couldn't tell, my favorite as well.
But it did seem a little bit cliche. Maybe because I just watched "the Wall", and it seemed a little bit similar to "Another Brick in the Wall, pt. 2".
But I don't really have that much to say about it. Oh, and your annotations are extremely annoying. :P

BillyShears

alright, I'll lay of the annotations.

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What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

BillyShears

Nameless song.

Intro- He was a retired teenager
working in an autoshop beside the den
she worked in an office
the only thing she loved was the smell of a working pen

They met in a bar for lonely people
wearing their very best frowns
they shared both a table and rum and told one another why they're down

She had wanted to be an actress
yet the road to fame was very well hidden
he has just hope his youth would last
and was very distressed when it didn't

Chorus-
They're alone in the world, struggling down life's road
two confused strangers with just each other to hold

They talked and drank till 5 in the morning
then stumbled into the gray dawn
she managed ti get home followin' dim street lights
he only made his front lawn

When he could think again he found paper in his pocket
with her name and number written upon it
she came to with a burning desire
as if he had set her soul on fire

*Chorus

That friday he called her phone
he left a message 'cause she wasn't home
he said he'd meet her on 6th street sunday night
and that she could wait by the traffic light

she got the message returning work
a dreadful job as a bankers clerk
if felt like she'd be in heaven above
before she saw again the man she knew she loved

the time finally came and she waited on the street
through the rain she heard running feet
eager to be held by the cure for her pain
she ran 'cross the road, calling his name

by the time he could warn her it was far too late
the one he needed died with a smile on her face
she had been run down, caught up in his eyes
be broke down and screamed at the world he despised

Chorus- now he's alone in the world
looking for the end of lifes road
he's got nothing to live for
and no one to hold

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What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

t3hplatyz0rz

+1. Good line.
+2. Great line.

Man, seriously. What's a good story without characters? And yet, how many songs go by without ever mentioning an interesting character? Man, I love stuff like this. Especially the sad, ironic part.
But I do think that, for an ironic twist, being hit by a car is a staple. It's happened quite a few times, but not necessarily in music so much. Like in Kino's Journey, when Kino goes to a village, leaves, and then it's blown up by a volcano. Maybe you could make her killed more creatively? Like a ninja?

Nah, but seriously. Good stuff.

BillyShears

Haha. That would be interesting. Death By ninjas. I'll remember that next time I want to kill off somebody in a song.

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What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

BillyShears

One that drew some inspiration from Bruce Springsteen's first few albums Called In The City

In a cafe in the city plays a band so indie that they don't even know they exist
they're tryin' to wright a song and it's coming along and it goes a little something like this

in the city, men from alley-ways offer you candy
the gutters are flowing with brandy
it's where everyone thinks they should go

In the city, piano men play in the bars
guitarists romanticize cars
at every time of day there's a show

There are young boys on the road playing drums on their cans
with a barrel of sticks standing by
the sky is blocked from light pollution from every institution
it's confusing, but give it a try

In the city, those from the park rid the fountain of change
no note of oddness is out of their range
homeless musicians just sing what they see

In the city, frightened business men hide their true selves
those who don't flow are repelled
it's an engine that runs on deceit

everyone breathes in the late evening breeze
caused by slamming doors and automobiles
they women and men go as fast as they can
they don't know why but to them it appeals


I'm debating whether or not I should add one finishing verse.

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What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.