BillyShears

Hey, I'm going to post a few songs every once in a while. I've only been going for about a year, so I'm not at my best yet, but that's why I'm posting here. Constructive Criticism is appreciated. You may find some of my lyrics to be a bit goofy, but you're going to meet a lot of goofy people in your life so live with it.

This is a song called fever dream, it's an attempt at nonsense psychedelic piece, it's got a lot of different little parts so It might not read well, but it works in real life.

I met a man who tried to bring me down
to corrupt my freedom and embarrass my sound
he said: son your lyrics don't make sense
I said: Skang wata poon and good day to your pants

The Sky is hiding, waiting to pounce
sun's lost in translation (mightbe changed to the mail, but I prefer translation)
Three Quarters Un-found

*Chorus* The Wooden Turtle is missing a wheel
A ball of trees is losing appeal,
a rainbow sweater with an endless seam
It's happenin' here in my fever dream!

If you seek revenge, good luck dear sir,
It's quite good at hiding if it prefers

I once saw a blues man who yipped and neighed
with shutter-shaded drumsticks his beat keeper played

A crescent moon in a burning field
A deck of jokers who refused to yield
A purpling button made of jellybeans
I saw it all in my fever dream!

Dandelion Milkshakes stirred with rail road spikes
Life and death played with fuzzy dice
crimson blue bears fly through the sand
I got five fingers I could use a hand
Blakittey-Zeppelin floating up above
while whiskeys children thirst for some love
You can try and cross but the road will refuse you
The toys in the corner well attempt to seduce you

Man, relax and float down stream!
Come and join me in my fever dream!

t3hplatyz0rz

I think that the lyrics are very simple, very nuanced, very light. I think that this will make a song which I could listen too a lot if it sounds good. The lyrics aren't really anything special.
Because you don't really concentrate as much on making sense, you can do a lot of lyrical things which really aren't gramatically correct. I also like the first stanza the most. It's really interesting. I also like the title, "Fever Dream", and how well it fits with the piece.

But I think that by choosing to do this kind of thing, you're putting yourself down. I think that light, nonsensical, psychadelic stuff is a cage because it prevents you from talking about anything that actually effects people's lives.

Then again, the beatles did this kind of thing all the time, and they probably know a little bit more about music than I do.

BillyShears

Thanks, I'm not planning on doing much pshchadelic stuff, but I'll remember the cage thing. Also, although it wasn't intended to be good or bad, thanks for comparing me to the beatles. I'm quite a fan.

__________________
What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

What'sNext?

Most of it is pretty good, but here are a few parts like "Purpling Jellybean" that sound cool on paper but would probably be hard for a singer to sing without getting all jumbled up. I don't know if you're a singer. For all I know, you could be a drummer. Overall, it's pretty good, but it would be better if you could turn up the heat.

BillyShears

I understand what you mean about things that sound good on paper, but could you explain what you mean when you say turn up the heat?

__________________
What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

BillyShears

Here's an untitled one I wrote sometime last year, some of the lines are flunks and the chorus could be much better. There may be some minor cliches. Any suggestions?

The Dominoes never seemed to fall my way
while others got in free I had to pay
life wasn't what it was chalked up to be
While others got inside I needed keys

Now as an old man with a record store
I know when I was young I thought life was poor
and as a man with a silver ponytail
I know I saw things in white and pale
(example of bad line^)

Chorus But life carries on,
and I sing along
now I have no regret
and I take what I can get

When I was young I put faith in my guitar
I thought I'd be a super star
and when I failed I felt anger and remorse
I thought destiny had swayed of course

I believed I was the only one who never got a break
with nothing to give and nothing to take
and when I finally found myself scared and alone
there was no light however dull that shone

(Chorus)

know I play my songs in a bar in St. Johns
all greed and resentment dead and gone
yes I take what life gives me and I go with the flow
and I make it through the day if it's fast or slow

(chorus)

__________________
What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

BillyShears

Another Old One, I attempted to try writing a song about a vegabond, as many bands have. It's not great, but it was one of the first songs I was somewhat pleased with. I know that a ton of people have written songs about vegabonds, but this was more of an exercise than anything else. Anyway, check it out:

Staring through the B Side of an old record
watching the clock tick back round'
wondering why I always seem to be so lost
wonder why I'm never found

I've been searching since the day you kicked me out of your home
lookin' for my kind of place
and I'm waiting for rich and poor (potential change: black and white) to band together
and form a single human race

(chorus) Well I'm a Vegabond, yeeeaaah yeeeaaah
doo doo doo (I know, yeah and doo, not great)
and you hate me, but (I) eeeyyyyyeeee eeeeyyyyyeee
love you

I've been searching I've been searching for a little love
but all I seem to find is war
I look into the souless eyes of those who lost their sons
and my heart begins to feel so sore

(chorus)

-slow down

Well I'm still walkin every single night
as the city absordbs the sun
and from the corner of their eyes people look at me
Like I'm a dirty thieving man on the run

I'm certain that every step I take forward,
my heart takes two steps back
well I know someday I'll be waiting to jump on the train
and I'll fall dead, down to the tracks

-speed up
chorus


there was a last verse, but it was terrible and didn't work well with the rest of the song.
Cheers.

__________________
What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

BillyShears

A slower angrier one. Called school. clever, right?

You first go to school feeling mentally fit
the teacher all tell you they'll have none of it

and their so nice to you that they treat you like S***
they'll verbally beat you until you submit

The kids stab your heart with their icy cold stares
break down your mind with their meaningful glares

Chorus- Oh School is such a nice place to be,
always respect the authority
Joy and laughter have both been condemned
they don't care about you but be kind to them

Now as you get older it only gets worse
in front of your parents they'll smile as rehearsed

The greet you as kindly as they can with a frown
don't try and stand, they'll insist you sit down

And if you're naughty they'll call you a fool
then run off and contradict their own rules

Chorus

You finally get out with no weight to lift
then until you retire you're a working stiff

Yes once you get in, you'll never be free,
Oh schools such a lovely old fun place to be.

__________________
What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

BillyShears

One written for a bit of an off-beat friend of mine. Simple lyrics, based around nothing.
This is nothing man.

Intro- He's got nothing to stand on
nothing to prove
nothing to talk about
and nothing to do
he dance, yeah he dances
to his very own nothing groove

Chorus- He's a nothing man
with a nothing plan
he plays guitar in a nothing band
he always does what nothing tends to do
he's got nothing good to say about folks like you,
he's a nothing man...

He has nothing to believe in

He thinks that nothing is truth

He has nothing to offer

and nothing to lose...

(Chorus)

You always ask me what he thinks of you,
what he says
and what he wants to do
but girls stop asking me
the only one who understands is he!

(chorus)

(Crescendo, Nothing yelled out in odd places by various people until the crescendo reaches it's peak and the music stops)

__________________
What's this you say? Well, it's an exercise in futility, I do it twice a week to stay in shape.

What'sNext?

Hey I was actually trying to hint to you that you know me. Turn up the heat was a hint. So was the "you might even be a drummer". Guess who? If you haven't figured it out, I'm your lead singer.

__________________
We've gone from the Beatles to the Black Eyed Peas... what's next?