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Old 05-20-2010, 06:55 PM   #91 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Sljslj View Post
Wow, you're good... that's pretty much what I was going for. I was just thinking earlier that the constant swearing was crippling my writing and that I need to slow down on it a bit. As far as the "Cry, cry, cry" part, I've been toying with the idea of keeping or trashing it.

Thanks Veg.
I have my moments!

I feel most of your songs have an ironic, humorous feel to them, which I enjoy. Also, you are rather daring with the way you write them. You don't hold back.

About "cry, cry, cry": in your song, this line reveals the sensitive side of the person speaking. Without it, the listener might not realize the person isn't just a complete asshole...if there were such a thing as people who are complete assholes.
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Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 05-20-2010, 11:19 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Hi Sljslj,

I'm sorry I haven't been around much the last week or so. My wife is very ill (cancer), and my mother is very ill (heart). In and out of the hospital a lot! And I do all the care for them. In and out of the hospital. They will get better for a while, then you will get tird seeing me. lol I still take a quick peek when I can but don't have time to sit and type, sorry. My mother will be out of the hospital in a day or two, and I will be able look at each song individually and leave some feedback.

Note: Sljslj, you take care of you! You are an important part of this world. And though I don't know you, just to know you are alive and well, is good enough for me. I believe if you were not here, there would be an unbalance in nature, and the words you compose would be lost to the winds of time. For you, life may not be easy, but writing is. So, make a song out of this. It's about you, so be kind to yourself and the rest of the world "will" notice.

jodyW
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Old 05-21-2010, 07:16 AM   #93 (permalink)
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Wow... thanks Jody. That's probably the coolest thing anyone's ever said to me online (possibly outside the internet as well). I've often thought of things like that: Someone you have met on the internet, but otherwise don't know, just not coming back... Especially when art is involved and we wanna see that next creation, but it never comes. So, needless to say at this point, your words really speak to me. Take your time replying, you've obviously got a lot going on right now. I wish the best to your mom and your wife.
Take care, jody.

Last edited by Sljslj; 05-21-2010 at 11:44 AM. Reason: TYPO
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Old 05-21-2010, 11:33 AM   #94 (permalink)
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Been stuck on this one for a few days... but I ain't gonna force it, eventually it'll finish itself (or not, which is okay, too). (EDIT: I think I'm done with it.)

24 HOURS

This place...
Land of the ignorant devil.
That face...
Haunting me on a new level.
Never...
Never again will I be the victim.

*spoken*
I will not be your victim.
I'm not one to be picked on.

In 24 hours, can't believe how much I've lost.
Won the battle, but at what cost?
It's like a one-sided coin tossed.
And you just happened to call heads.
But believe me, you will tell no tales.
In 24 hours, everything's gone to hell.

*before this point is the original post... After is stuff written 3:30 PM the same day, posted at about 4:00*

A race...
To the tip-top of the food chain.
Make haste...
Or I may find myself slain.

I will not die like a bitch, son.
I'm not one to be picked on.

In 24 hours, can't believe how much I've lost.
Won the battle, but at what cost?
It's like a one-sided coin tossed.
And you just happened to call heads.
But believe me, you will tell no tales.
In 24 hours, everything's gone to hell.

I will not live this way.
Being scared every day.
I will not live this way.
One must go so one may stay.
And I will not live this way.

A chase...
But the tables have turned.
Displaced...
You better be concerned.
Never...
Never again will I be the victim.

Next 24 hours, your existance will be lost.
I don't give a **** 'bout the cost.
Next 24 hours, you're going straight to hell.


Thoughts? Too cliche?

Last edited by Sljslj; 05-23-2010 at 06:25 PM. Reason: adding second verse, pre-chorus and repeat of chorus.
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Old 05-23-2010, 11:50 AM   #95 (permalink)
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This one's not quite finsihed.

DARKTIC

Da arctic.
100 below, as the full moon moves slow...
So slow across the infinite sky...
Soon it's devoured by the ice...
But for now, I trek, and halt never...
For beasts lurk in the moonlight...
Especially on a night like this, when one cannot rely on sight...
I will be alright, as long as I keep on, halt never.

Dark-sick.
And lost in this never-ending landscape...
For my blood to freeze may be my only escape...
That is something for which I do not wish...
But if it is to be, I will not fight, accept...
Expectant am I that the sun will rise...
Rays to light my way, but not to warm...
Because the chill is too great; cold in the form of a fantastic swarm....

Last edited by Sljslj; 02-19-2011 at 05:03 AM. Reason: LOTS of typos. That **** always happens when I use my computer instead of my iPod.
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Old 05-25-2010, 03:30 PM   #96 (permalink)
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I need advice. So I'm trying really hard to record some vocals, but it's just not working out. Every time I try I **** up the words, whether I'm trying to record one of my own songs or singing along to another song (tried Static-x, Lamb Of God, Stone Sour, Metallica and a few more). Even if I read the lyrics over and over I always mess it up in the first minute or so.
Also, to anyone that reads my stuff regularly (if there is any such person): what song(s) would you like to hear recorded?
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Old 05-25-2010, 10:49 PM   #97 (permalink)
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Hi Sljslj,
I have a minute or two, so I thought I would come and read some nice songs, yours.

I like, "24 hours". I understand the theme. And I like the wording. This song is very well done.

I like, "Even If It's No Good". Some very good thought, led to some very good lyric. The thing I like most about your work is that it's emotional. Your songs have a lot of energy. That's important, because that draws attention and helps get your point across.

Autobiograph-I
Sounds like me at between age 2 to 3.
Why do you think they call them the terrible twos.

Take care,
jW
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Old 05-25-2010, 11:24 PM   #98 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Sljslj View Post
I need advice. So I'm trying really hard to record some vocals, but it's just not working out. Every time I try I **** up the words, whether I'm trying to record one of my own songs or singing along to another song (tried Static-x, Lamb Of God, Stone Sour, Metallica and a few more). Even if I read the lyrics over and over I always mess it up in the first minute or so.
Also, to anyone that reads my stuff regularly (if there is any such person): what song(s) would you like to hear recorded?
I'm laughing my butt off here! You are sounding just like me. I can not get through a song without at least one mistake. I know the songs, but I still mess-up, usually right at the beginning or the very end.

I would like to hear you record two songs. One of yours and one of mine. I would like to hear "24 Hours" and my song "Tennessee Girl". I think you can do it. Let me know if you'r interested.

lol,
jW

Last edited by jodyWayne; 05-26-2010 at 10:38 AM.
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Old 05-25-2010, 11:40 PM   #99 (permalink)
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Wow... thanks Jody. That's probably the coolest thing anyone's ever said to me online (possibly outside the internet as well). I've often thought of things like that: Someone you have met on the internet, but otherwise don't know, just not coming back... Especially when art is involved and we wanna see that next creation, but it never comes. So, needless to say at this point, your words really speak to me. Take your time replying, you've obviously got a lot going on right now. I wish the best to your mom and your wife.
Take care, jody.
Thank you for those kind words. Mom is out of the Hospital and home now. That helps. Wife is ok for now. Me, i'm just tird. lol

See ya later,
jW
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Old 05-26-2010, 10:56 AM   #100 (permalink)
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I'm laughing my butt off here! You are sounding just like me. I can not get through a song without at least one mistake. I know the songs, but I still mess-up, usually right at the beginning or the very end.

I would like to hear you record two songs. One of yours and one of mine. I would like to hear "24 Hours" and my song "Tennessee Girl". I think you can do it. Let me know if you'r interested.

lol,
jW
Well, I can definitely try. PM me the lyrics and I'll give it a shot.
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