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-   -   Are these poems any good? (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/52539-these-poems-any-good.html)

LuneLight 01-16-2012 01:36 PM

Fade
 
Forced out of sleep to find myself alone,
I felt afraid as shadows of nightmares approached
Sending shivers straight through me
There were voices in the wind
And a stream of moonlight on the floor
It guided my eyes to you as you stood at the door
Am I still dreaming?

It's always the same dream
always me in a dark room
And you at the door
Always me losing something
And you walking away

Your lips move with each step that you take
And you seem further with every move i make
Suddenly the light seems feint
As I open my mouth to find myself wordless
I know what happens next...
Because I've been here before

Every night it's the same dream
Always you tearing me apart
Always you moving on
Always me trying to hold on
Always me losing you

What do I do if this never stops?
It won't fade...
I feel the pain
Every word always hurts
And I feel every bit of my heart as it breaks
Its a pain I'll never get used to
It won't fade...
It's meant to be this way.

starrynight 01-16-2012 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LuneLight (Post 1109309)
Shut your eyes and freeze time
Let me lay with you for a little while
Make believe we were strong enough to make it as far as we dreamed
While it's dark we can just keep on believing that we've always been and will always be this happy
Just don't open your eyes

Is there anything I could do to stall the sunrise?
I'd sell my soul for this illusion
As long as it's dark
I see things as I want them to appear

Close your eyes and put your hand in mine
We'll go on living as if nothing ever went wrong
You don't need to be afraid
You're safe if you want to be
While it's dark our lives will seem so far away
And we can pretend this is the only life we've ever had
Just don't open your eyes

What do I have to do to stall the sunrise?
I'd sell my soul for one more night in this illusion
As long as it's dark and shadows keep the world from me
I see everything as I want it to be

Close your eyes and let's be perfect
We can pretend that this is really who we are
As long as it's dark we can still be happy
Until the sun rises and forces us back into our broken lives

I like the association of dark and deception/dreams. Though stopping the sunrise and selling your soul sound a bit cliched to me. Promising though.

LuneLight 09-27-2012 09:25 AM

stellar in my dreams
 
Don't let the light shine in
I'd hate to open my eyes
and find that you're not really here
It kills me every time
Waking up alone and realising you're nowhere near

Your face is fresh in my memory
Your voice is clear as thunder in my mind
And I'm just going through the motions
Dreading each day that I wake without you

When I'm wide awake and you're gone
And dreams of you drift to the back of my mind,
I feel like I might survive
Until I hear your favourite song and
Suddenly everything reminds me of you

And I surrender
I'll lose my mind if I try to ignore the daydreams of you
So I close my eyes and surrender

In my dreams...
We're drifting, our auras entwined as you lay in my arms
I kiss you like I can't get enough and hungrily you receive my embrace
We'll never be apart

And you're presence is so stellar in my dreams
And you see into the very depth of my soul
There's no part that I can conceal
And you still love me

In my dreams...
Your love burns a hole in the darkness
It fills my lungs and revives the fading bits of me
And I savour every part of you until the mirage fades
And I return to the cold of my bed all alone

So don't let the light shine in
I never want to open my eyes and find that you're not next to me
Because this might kill me...
Only having you in my dreams and never having you in my reach

Gucci Little Piggy 09-29-2012 02:42 AM

You do have potential, but the way you talk about love is pretty cliche, it's the big pitfall of making poems about love, they're hard to keep fresh because it's been done so many times. The use of metaphores is pretty good though.

LuneLight 10-09-2012 04:04 PM

Morning star
 
Forever his
Forever subservient to him
Forever under his thrall
Forever haunted by the Morning Star

There's always a light burning in the distance
Seeping through the cracks in these prison walls
I try hard to reach it and be a part of it
But the devils hold on to me so possessively
They'll never let me go

In a dream I'm climbing a ladder to salvation
With sin chained around my waist
They keep me tethered to the past
They keep me from a life of peace...
His maniacal laughter stretches out from beneath
His words fill my mind and soul
"You'll never be a part of the light"

I just want to run until I feel safe
Just want to run so far...
But there's no place far enough, no escape
You can't outrun the Morning Star.

If I was strong enough to break free from these walls
Maybe I could run and reclaim what I lost
And be with the ones who reside in the light
But the devils hold me as their slave
They're all I have. This is all I know.
Despite what I want
I'm forever a prisoner
Forever without a name
Forever his
Forever haunted by the morning star

LuneLight 12-16-2012 12:49 PM

Limbo
 
Last night i dreamed of running from this place,
Instead of faking it through another day
And always shedding tears of shame,
Always trying to win this game
But that was just a dream...
This is my home

And I spend all my time...
Wandering the circles of my mind...
Speaking riddles and rhymes...
Searching for something i may never find...
Just a reason to breathe.
Just a reason to be alive.

Naked, I stand in front of the mirror,
staring at the reflection of a stranger.
I see nothing in those hollow eyes.
No life beneath his pale skin.

And it's as if I never breathed a single breath.
Never dreamed.
Was never warm.
It's like I've always been this ghost
Never moving forward.
Never knowing more than this.
Always in Limbo...

Where i spend all my time...
Wandering the circles in my mind...
Speaking riddles and rhymes...
Searching for something that I'll never find...

A reason to breathe again...
A reason to be alive again...

Hamilcar 12-16-2012 10:31 PM

Coool i liked your poems they are nice

LuneLight 03-06-2013 12:39 PM

Frost Bitten
 
Frost bitten soul
Bound by a body he doesn't want
In a world he can't call home
With a dream he'll never reach
Surrounded by people he doesn't trust
They'll never know what he really wants

Heart is so cold
Beating in pain
Blood like broken glass
Scraping through sandpaper veins
This body's like a prison cell
And my soul's been sentenced to ebb here
Until one night it'll be silenced by hypothermia

I tried to be a part of this place
Thought I wanted to be like everyone else
But I'll never see things as they do
Or find comfort in anything the way they can
I only see ghosts where life should be
And when I speak my words are empty
as they fall upon deaf ears
never revealing what I wish i was saying

Is there a sun warm enough to thaw my frost bitten soul
And set it free
Can it melt this prison away until it holds me no more
Can I escape the depths of the gelid seas that swallowed me whole
If this body dies, will I finally be able to take to the sky?
Oh, set me free
I want to be free

But this frost bitten soul...
Is bound by a body I don't deserve
Getting colder everyday
Losing warmth with every breath...

JDD993 03-23-2013 11:03 PM

That's very nice poetry. If i was reading it as a full collection from a book I would find it a bit too dark though. But that's just me, I like a lot of variation.

LuneLight 05-25-2013 06:04 AM

left behind
 
So tired of being left behind
And being at the receiving end of a goodbye
As if my love doesn't mean anything
It's just a way to pass the time

I don't think I could take another disappointment
If there's a God
I beg with all my soul for you to stop the pain
Or take it all away
Take everything away

If love comes again and leaves me here to cry
leave the wound and let me die
Don't stitch me back together
Because if this is my curse
If this is my life
I'd rather not survive

I hate that I'm too blind to see
a promise for what it really is
I never see the lie
I only see your eyes

That's why I'm always the one left behind
It's why I'm always at the receiving end
of a lover's goodbye
And if love comes again just to leave me high and dry,
please just leave the wound, let me die
Don't stitch me back together
Don't let me go back to feeling the way I've been feeling forever
I don't want to survive
If this is my life
I'd rather not survive


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