Raellic's songwriting journal - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Today's Posts
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-12-2016, 04:11 AM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Raellic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: San Mateo, California, USA
Posts: 3
Default Raellic's songwriting journal

Brain on Fire

When I saw you then I felt it strong in my mind
I felt it then, I feel it now, till the end of time
One vision, one voice, one beautiful bride
A woman blessed with everything I now know is divine

I tried, and I loved you, and I knew you’d be mine
But I couldn’t take the step that I knew I would find
Too hard, too far, too early to see
Couldn’t do what it took to keep you for me

My brain is on fire
Brain on fire
Brain on fire
Brain on fire

Looking back, the years gone, it’s easy to see
I’m glad you found happiness far away from me
But when I dream, and I meet you, it’s like the first time
No matter what I do, can’t get you out of my mind

I don’t care if they say I’m crazy
Baby they’re right
If I said I didn’t love you anymore, it’d be a lie

My brain is on fire
Brain on fire
Brain on fire
Brain on fire

Desire is desire but my anger at me is fire
My brain is on fire
Brain on fire
Brain on fire

I deserve it, and I did it, but I can’t help but wonder
What kind of life we would have had without being asunder
Some day, I can hope, if you let me be free
I can ask how it turned out for both you and me

These days when I tire and think my mood is dire
I think of you, and it gives me something to aspire
To sleep, to dream, to feel in my mind
That I did the right thing or should leave it behind

I don’t care if they say I’m crazy
I think they’re right
If I said I didn’t love you anymore, it’d be a lie

Chorus x2
Raellic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2017, 12:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 7
Default

I respect what you're doing.
You have the emotional connection, but I think the writing isn't done yet. Writing is re-writing. First I'd go after adjectives that could be improved. "strong, beautiful, etc." Then I'd polish the rhymes.

Have fun.
BigHappyJack is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Similar Threads



© 2003-2024 Advameg, Inc.