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Old 01-06-2009, 07:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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your poems are not depressing they are just bad
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Old 01-06-2009, 10:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
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No you're wrong. They're depressingly bad.
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Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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Old 01-06-2009, 11:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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construktive? wuts that lol
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Old 01-06-2009, 11:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
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construktive? wuts that lol
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Old 01-12-2009, 08:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I like this one a lot better than the other one. It's more poetic.

Although I don't feel I've the right to criticize someone who is so much like myself.

But it is very good.
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Old 01-13-2009, 01:22 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Best Part:
Quote:
You are my life's ambition
and I've been waiting for you to
save me from myself come on
there's no admission
we're both on our way to hell
especially the last line, excellent

Awful Part :
Quote:
she will complete me
make me happy
I will see her
make it snappy
before she gets away
make it snappy??
I cringed.. yikes!
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Old 01-13-2009, 04:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
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True. =P

Making it snappy is very... cartoon like.
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Old 01-13-2009, 07:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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ya that one sucked I hate it but i didn't know what else to put there
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Old 01-14-2009, 09:40 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Smile and while?

Something like that?
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Old 01-17-2009, 02:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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She's shy and self-conscious
not ready to come out
but I'll sit her down and say
we've got a lot to talk about

That's the only part worth keeping.
Learn from that part and rewrite the rest using the same structure.
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