offensive jokes *giggles* (country, house, effects, magazine, quote)

Mama Booze · 03-20-2006, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe

1. Hitler wasn't Jewish
2. That joke is in horrible taste

in all fairness, he was half jewish, and this is the offensive jokes thread................

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 03-20-2006, 05:41 PM

ok so maybe this is the "offensive jokes" thread, but that joke was made in horrlble taste. what happened during world war two wasnt a joking matter. and besides, that joke has been done so many times that its not even funny any more.

Mama Booze · 03-20-2006, 05:44 PM

you make a good point, I surrender, you win.

MURDER JUNKIE · 03-21-2006, 11:01 PM

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor.

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body. "For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth."

Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

Laces Out Dan! · 03-21-2006, 11:02 PM

* Throws up *....Fuc.kin eh man haha

sleepy jack · 03-21-2006, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by some_exotic_booze

in all fairness, he was half jewish, and this is the offensive jokes thread................

In all fairness, you're completely missing what he meant by jewish cook and I agree the joke was in horrible taste, overdone and not very funny.

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 03-22-2006, 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MURDER JUNKIE

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor.

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body. "For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth."

Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

GROSS.......thank you....for ruining my dinner.

MURDER JUNKIE · 03-27-2006, 04:14 AM

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and
gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on
the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked cabbage

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my
freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

Green Day Rocks · 03-30-2006, 05:58 AM

ILIVEMUSIC · 03-30-2006, 12:34 PM

what do and g ay man with amnesia have in common with a magazine??

they both come out every week!!!! hahahahahahahahahahaha

03-21-2006, 11:02 PM	#175 (permalink)
Laces Out Dan! I love Puck Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: British Columbia Posts: 4,614	* Throws up *....Fuc.kin eh man haha __________________ We are entirely smooth, We admit to the truth, We are the best at what we do.

03-30-2006, 05:58 AM	#179 (permalink)
Green Day Rocks Groupie Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: In your closet...Go look! Posts: 28	__________________ Highlight this---> even though u can't see it your friend and u will always have a strong friendship

03-30-2006, 12:34 PM	#180 (permalink)
ILIVEMUSIC Music Addict Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: UK Posts: 95	what do and g ay man with amnesia have in common with a magazine?? they both come out every week!!!! hahahahahahahahahahaha __________________ http://www.myspace.com/bluetacking

03-20-2006, 05:44 PM	#173 (permalink)
Mama Booze Here's lookin at you, kid Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: The White Hotel Posts: 366	you make a good point, I surrender, you win.

03-21-2006, 11:01 PM	#174 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body. "For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth." Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

03-27-2006, 04:14 AM	#178 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"