A man walks into a bar, sits down and begins chatting to the barman.

"I had the best day today mate," the man says, "I found a woman tied to the railway tracks, just like in the old films. I untied her and took her back to my place for so she could rest...and show me her gratitude. We had sex all over the house, in the bedrooms, the bathrooms, the under stairs cupboard, the living room, the basement, the attic...it was incredible."

"That does sound good," says the barman, "so was she good looking, was she a looker?"

The man pauses for a second to think.

"I don't know," he says, "I didn't find her head."

trigger warning for all armchari feminists



http://i.imgur.com/1ccxRcW.jpg

:rofl:

Life is like a penis, it doesn't always go the way you want it to.

How is a woman like a condom?









If they're not on your d*ck, they're in your wallet ;)

!!

I inserted a wink. That makes it ok :P

What is the American dream?

that all the blacks go back to Africa with a Jew under each arm!!



Plus, you're a girl, right? that's like double approval. :p:

See? Nobody likes jews, lol :D oh i'm an awful person

:rofl:

Wait, weren't you born in.....that's just awkward...:(

Now I have to make a joke about germans,
so i don't seem racist, lol..


A French guy, an English guy and a German argue about who the most complicated language has.

The french guy says: "Mon dieux, we French have the most complicated language, of course. We write "Monsieur" and say "Misjö"

The english guy says: "Well, we British claim that title. We write "Elevator" and say "Lift"

So the german says: "It's actually pretty simple. We Germans own that title: We write: "Entschuldigen Sie bitte, aber ich habe Ihren letzen Satz nicht vollständig verstanden" (translation: Excuse me, but I did not quite understand Your last sentence.), but we say "Hä?"

Spoken like a true German :rofl::shycouch:

I'm blonde, I'm blue eyed, I'm tall, I'm racist. Perfect German! lol :D


Take it with humor, wpnfire! :D

Im still on Jews :laughing:

How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it.

What do you call someone from Israel that has to sneeze?

A Jew!

Who was the most well known Jewish cook?

Hitler!

I like this guy

Ouch! That's hardcore :clap:

Thnx, and im not even german im puertorican. :p:

I ran into Hitler. I was surprised to see him and asked him what he was up to? He said "This time I am going to kill 6 million Jews and two clowns!" "Two Clowns? Why are you going to kill two clowns?" "See? Nobody cares about zee Jews."

;)




@ Black Francis: Everybody's a bit racist, lol :P

Still i'm kinda afraid to tell racist jokes :D
Be german, tell a racist joke and you're a nazi!
ok, i'll try:


What's a black guy in space?








tsicar uoy, tuanortsa na

How is a black guy and a tornado similar?

It only takes 1 to f*ck up a town

:shycouch:

hehe :D

What's a black guy on the moon? - A black guy on the moon.
What are five black guys on the moon? - Five black guys on the moon.
What are all black guys on the moon? - THE ANSWER!

What do you call it when a white man dancing has a seizure?

An improvement.

damn it, i had to google "seizure"! ruined the joke for me! :(


ok one last racist joke, then i have to shut up :D

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
pizzas don't cry in the oven.

we're going to hell for these jokes, I hope you know

worth it :rofl:

absolutely worth it :P

HAHA. We're all going to hell....

You can still convert to Paganism :)

With a V.I.P pass for sure ;)

lol

What's the tragedy about the black guy who died in a head on collision?

His car seated four.

What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza?


A pizza can feed a family.



I stop now. :D this is too evil.
The gods will strike me down with lightning any moment..

It's an offensive jokes thread. You're supposed to be offensive. We're all happily going to hell. Along with the Jews.

I'm not scared of the Batlord striking me with lightning

^fixed.

Le sigh. It wasn't a punchline kind of joke. I was illustrating my point that the point of this thread is about being offensive.

What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor
Old
Negro
Thinks
Its
A
cadillac

How long does it take a Pakistani woman to have a sh*t?

9 months


What's red, 10 inches long, and makes your girlfriend cry when you try to put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.


How can you tell if your roommate is gay?

His dick tastes like sh*t


how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS


Did you know 4/20 is Hitlers birthday?

Stoner's remember it by getting as baked as the Jews

That first and last one ffs :D

Though I've heard the first one before.

Racist jokes are the best.

And lol at Batty's post.