offensive jokes *giggles* (country, rock, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, bling)

Merkaba · 11-23-2005, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueEyedSuicide

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of
West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were
getting a divorce in the local court. But custody of the
children was a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that
since she had brought the children into this world, she should
retain custody of them.

The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The
judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment
of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and
replied, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a candy machine and a
candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?

BRILLIANT

~~bungalow~~ · 11-23-2005, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueEyedSuicide

He is comparing her to a machine that he only wanted to get children out of. Without his sperm/dollar, no candy/children will come and such..

well in that case

madeinNY · 11-27-2005, 02:10 PM

A black man and an asian man are sitting in a car. Who's driving? The cops.

boo boo · 11-27-2005, 04:56 PM

Heres one.

For their wedding anniversary, BB Kings wife decided to give him a special anniversary present, so she went down to a tattoo parlor, she asked the tattoo artist to put the letter B on both of her buttcheeks.

Anyway, latter that day, she shows BB her present, and he says.... Who's Bob?

madeinNY · 11-27-2005, 05:05 PM

^rofl that was good, that was good.

half_baked87 · 11-27-2005, 06:30 PM

sorry but i gotta do another jacko one.
what do micheal jackson and caviar have in common?
they both come on little crackers.

what do you call a school bus full of black people going over a cliff?
new parking lot.

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp

What's the difference between a black guy and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

all in good fun of course

BlueEyedSuicide · 11-27-2005, 06:42 PM

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.

Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow gradually larger over a period of some years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow?" she asks.

The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"

PerFeCTioNThrUSileNCe · 11-27-2005, 08:26 PM

^nice. i like that one a lot.

Spikey · 12-19-2005, 12:18 AM

That's a link to "Things I learned from the movies..It's funny.

www.emerald-sky.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24

MURDER JUNKIE · 12-19-2005, 01:37 AM

An older woman walks into a tattoo shop and wants a tattoo. The artist asks her what she wants and she pauses a moment and then replies " I would like Paul McCartney on my right thigh and John Lennon on my left thigh ". The tattoo artist complies and after some time reveals his work to the woman.

The woman is horrified and exclaims " Neither of these tattoo's looks close to Lennon or McCartney " The tattooist says "Bullsh1t, it is a perfect likeness and to prove it I will get someone off the street to tell me who the tattoo's depict"

The tattooist reaches outside his store and grabs a wino stumbling by and says to him " Who are the people in these tattoo's? "

The wino studies them for a moment then replies " I'm not sure about the fellers on the right or left, but that one in the middle with the beard and the bad breath has got to be Willie Nelson "

11-27-2005, 02:10 PM	#63 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	A black man and an asian man are sitting in a car. Who's driving? The cops. __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

11-27-2005, 05:05 PM	#65 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	^rofl that was good, that was good. __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

12-19-2005, 12:18 AM	#69 (permalink)
Spikey Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 277	That's a link to "Things I learned from the movies..It's funny. www.emerald-sky.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24 __________________ www.myspace.com/emeraldskyrock

11-27-2005, 06:30 PM	#66 (permalink)
half_baked87 sammichestime Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 380	sorry but i gotta do another jacko one. what do micheal jackson and caviar have in common? they both come on little crackers. what do you call a school bus full of black people going over a cliff? new parking lot. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp What's the difference between a black guy and a snow tire? A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it. all in good fun of course

11-27-2005, 06:42 PM	#67 (permalink)
BlueEyedSuicide Arienette Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Minnesota Posts: 48	A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow gradually larger over a period of some years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow?" she asks. The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"

12-19-2005, 01:37 AM	#70 (permalink)
MURDER JUNKIE The Wetter The Better!! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: SH1TTY London Ontario Canada Posts: 2,504	An older woman walks into a tattoo shop and wants a tattoo. The artist asks her what she wants and she pauses a moment and then replies " I would like Paul McCartney on my right thigh and John Lennon on my left thigh ". The tattoo artist complies and after some time reveals his work to the woman. The woman is horrified and exclaims " Neither of these tattoo's looks close to Lennon or McCartney " The tattooist says "Bullsh1t, it is a perfect likeness and to prove it I will get someone off the street to tell me who the tattoo's depict" The tattooist reaches outside his store and grabs a wino stumbling by and says to him " Who are the people in these tattoo's? " The wino studies them for a moment then replies " I'm not sure about the fellers on the right or left, but that one in the middle with the beard and the bad breath has got to be Willie Nelson "