The Official Joke Thread

Antonio · 03-26-2009, 11:00 PM

what's the strongest muscle in your mouth?

MY DIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!

Surell · 03-26-2009, 11:56 PM

I like the emphasis on dick there.

Bane of your existence · 03-27-2009, 12:25 AM

My dick need no introduction
Your dick don't even function
My dick served a whole lunch-in
Your dick- it look like a munchkin

jackhammer · 03-27-2009, 04:22 AM

I asked a girl once where was the strangest place she had ever had sex..

she said up her arse.

~~coryallen2~~ · 03-27-2009, 06:17 AM

post a joek that you think is funny... good jokes will be laughed at...bad jokes will be made fun of GO!

~~coryallen2~~ · 03-27-2009, 06:18 AM

Bob is in the army. After 4 months of being in the army, his girlfriend sent him a letter saying she'd slept with 2 guys since he'd left and wanted to break-up and all the pictures he had of her sent back. So Bob did what any other American would do. He went around to all his army buddies and asked for pictures of girls they wouldn't mind giving up. He then took all the pictures, some decent, some X-rated, and put them in a big envelope to send to his girlfriend with a note saying "I don't remember you. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back."

~~coryallen2~~ · 03-27-2009, 06:19 AM

I though this one was funny...

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

~~coryallen2~~ · 03-27-2009, 06:22 AM

During a ride in a taxi, the rider touches the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
Upon the touch the cab driver flinches, screams, and goes into a full panic, swerving from side to side on the road.
Finally the driver regains control.
"sorry" the cab driver says, "this is my first day on the job. for the past 20 years i have been driving a hearse."

~~coryallen2~~ · 03-27-2009, 06:24 AM

This is how the new stimulus plan will work

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.
"The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the WhiteHouse official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys!
How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.
""Done!" replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

crash_override · 03-27-2009, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by coryallen2

During a ride in a taxi, the rider touches the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
Upon the touch the cab driver flinches, screams, and goes into a full panic, swerving from side to side on the road.
Finally the driver regains control.
"sorry" the cab driver says, "this is my first day on the job. for the past 20 years i have been driving a hearse."

I liked this one. 7/10

03-27-2009, 04:22 AM	#24 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	I asked a girl once where was the strangest place she had ever had sex.. she said up her arse. __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”

03-27-2009, 06:17 AM	#25 (permalink)
~~coryallen2~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: lorain,ohio Posts: 909	The official joke thread post a joek that you think is funny... good jokes will be laughed at...bad jokes will be made fun of GO!

03-27-2009, 12:25 AM	#23 (permalink)
Bane of your existence Such That Join Date: May 2007 Location: Austin, Tx Posts: 1,197	My dick need no introduction Your dick don't even function My dick served a whole lunch-in Your dick- it look like a munchkin

03-27-2009, 06:18 AM	#26 (permalink)
~~coryallen2~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: lorain,ohio Posts: 909	Bob is in the army. After 4 months of being in the army, his girlfriend sent him a letter saying she'd slept with 2 guys since he'd left and wanted to break-up and all the pictures he had of her sent back. So Bob did what any other American would do. He went around to all his army buddies and asked for pictures of girls they wouldn't mind giving up. He then took all the pictures, some decent, some X-rated, and put them in a big envelope to send to his girlfriend with a note saying "I don't remember you. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back."

03-27-2009, 06:19 AM	#27 (permalink)
~~coryallen2~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: lorain,ohio Posts: 909	I though this one was funny... A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

03-27-2009, 06:22 AM	#28 (permalink)
~~coryallen2~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: lorain,ohio Posts: 909	During a ride in a taxi, the rider touches the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. Upon the touch the cab driver flinches, screams, and goes into a full panic, swerving from side to side on the road. Finally the driver regains control. "sorry" the cab driver says, "this is my first day on the job. for the past 20 years i have been driving a hearse."

03-27-2009, 06:24 AM	#29 (permalink)
~~coryallen2~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: lorain,ohio Posts: 909	This is how the new stimulus plan will work Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me. "The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the WhiteHouse official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence. ""Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.