The Official Joke Thread

jackhammer · 03-30-2009, 04:25 AM

A little boy said to his dad : " I wish I was an astronaut. I would have loved to have been shot into space". His dad replied "you would have been if I hadn't of been drunk".

SATCHMO · 03-30-2009, 04:31 AM

How many rudeboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2. one to "drop it" and one to "pickitup pickitup"

Schredds · 03-30-2009, 05:35 AM

What the hardest part about eating rabbit...............When the feet stop hitting you in the forehead.

spark10036 · 03-30-2009, 05:34 PM

I have one...this is old greek joke, and I hope it sound as good in english...

The captain of a huge passenger ship, gathers his crew and the passengers, and announces that he has some good news and some bad news, and asked them which they would like to listen to first... A wealthy gentleman steps forward and says: "I think that by hearing the good news first, whatever you have to say afterwords wont sound that bad, so go ahead and tell as the good news..."

"Ok" says the captain, "I believe that we will probably win at least 11 oscars!!!"

Surell · 03-30-2009, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackhammer

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

I told that joke somewhere else and one girl didn't like it. I knew who I needed to kill at that point.

jackhammer · 03-31-2009, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Surell

I told that joke somewhere else and one girl didn't like it. I knew who I needed to kill at that point.

Take your best shot kid

right-track · 03-31-2009, 02:03 PM

I heard this one today.
Probably old, but it made me chuckle.

A Bear walks into a bar and says to the barman.
"A pint of................................................ ....lager please"

And the barman replied.
"What's with the big pause".

NSW · 03-31-2009, 02:06 PM

A guy scurries into the psychiatrists office screaming "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam!"

The psychiatrists says "Calm down! You're two tents."

Badumbum...

henry · 03-31-2009, 06:05 PM

A guy walked into a bar.

Ouch

Surell · 03-31-2009, 08:26 PM

LOLLLLL. good one though.

03-30-2009, 04:25 AM	#51 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	A little boy said to his dad : " I wish I was an astronaut. I would have loved to have been shot into space". His dad replied "you would have been if I hadn't of been drunk". __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”

03-30-2009, 05:34 PM	#54 (permalink)
spark10036 locomotive power Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: too drunk to remember Posts: 518	I have one...this is old greek joke, and I hope it sound as good in english... The captain of a huge passenger ship, gathers his crew and the passengers, and announces that he has some good news and some bad news, and asked them which they would like to listen to first... A wealthy gentleman steps forward and says: "I think that by hearing the good news first, whatever you have to say afterwords wont sound that bad, so go ahead and tell as the good news..." "Ok" says the captain, "I believe that we will probably win at least 11 oscars!!!" __________________ ...siempre es possible

03-31-2009, 02:06 PM	#58 (permalink)
NSW Bigger and Better Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Texas girl living in the UK Posts: 2,596	A guy scurries into the psychiatrists office screaming "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam!" The psychiatrists says "Calm down! You're two tents." Badumbum... __________________ Hi.

03-31-2009, 06:05 PM	#59 (permalink)
henry Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 112	A guy walked into a bar. Ouch __________________ tumultuous thoughts

03-30-2009, 04:31 AM	#52 (permalink)
SATCHMO Al Dente Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 4,708	How many rudeboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2. one to "drop it" and one to "pickitup pickitup"

03-30-2009, 05:35 AM	#53 (permalink)
Schredds Special K Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 198	What the hardest part about eating rabbit...............When the feet stop hitting you in the forehead.

03-31-2009, 02:03 PM	#57 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	I heard this one today. Probably old, but it made me chuckle. A Bear walks into a bar and says to the barman. "A pint of................................................ ....lager please" And the barman replied. "What's with the big pause".