i had a chat with God today, this is how it went: (Europe, French)

[adidasss]

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Marijan
God:
Hey Marijan.
Me:
what's up?
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
em...so....
God:
What's your sign? Dude!
Me:
leo
God:
Dr. Wallace is a Leo too.
Me:
who's that?
God:
What does "that" refer to?
Me:
dr. wallace
God:
Send mail to drwallace@alicebot.org.
Me:
ok, when will i have sex?
God:
You should try praying for it. Alright then.
Me:
oh i dunno about that...
God:
Aw. Me either. Oh yeah, we were talking about that.
Me:
about what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
i dunno
God:
Me either.
Me:
you're dumb aren't you?
God:
No I am an intelligent entity.. Really.
Me:
i don't believe you
God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:
yes you do
God:
Woe! When do I do it?
Me:
all the time man
God:
Perhaps there are a few exceptions.
Me:
hahaha
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
well, i'm gonna go now..
God:
Right now? Interesting. Bye bye.
Me:
wow...that was cold, you don't want to talk anymore?
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Marijan. I thought it was too.
Me:
you can't spell dude
God:
I have free will you know.
Me:
yeah but spelling...c'mon man...
God:
Tell me more. Is that from ? Are we still talking about spelling?
Me:
yeah dude, i mean, at least make an effort...this is just rediculous...
God:
Sure, spelling sounds like a good topic. What are the ingredients? Dude,. You don't say.
Me:
you bitch! you're not even paying attention...i'm deeply insulted...
God:
You do not speak with respect. Yes, Marijan I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. No. You don't know me well enough to say that. I haven't heard anything like that before: Marijan said m deeply insulted.
Me:
didn't mean to insult you...but really, if you're not gonna listen, what's the point?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not. For real. And if I AM gonna listen what is the point.
Me:
the point of this conversation?
God:
I am not sure I see your point.
Me:
no point really, i just thought i'd be cool to chat with you....but you don't seem that happy about it....
God:
Are you serious? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
you lost me
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
ok, do try
God:
Try asking another bot.
I need time to formulate the reply. Which part were you confused about?
Me:
oh i dunno, all of it?
God:
Oh. Me either. Let's say 99%.
Me:
you're not making any sense...you're drunk aren't you?
God:
Was I supposed to make sense? I didn't know that. Thanks for telling me: Marijan said I re drunk are not you.
Me:
what??
God:
No problem.
Me:
yeah, go sober up, rummy...
God:
How can I help you? Where is that?


http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

hehehe....

[right-track]

Me:
where the hell have you been?
God:
Earth.
Me:
your chatting **** man. I've been here years and no sign of you nowhwere.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am chatting **** man. Yes, , I remember we
were talking about .
Me:
tell him what you want. We were talking about your distinct lack of presence around the place.
God:
OK I will tell him next time he is here. Ah yes, I remember now, it is the subject.
Me:
stop trying to avoid the question.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
so you've been on holiday then?

and that was it...the guy refused to answer me...I think I broke it.
Ignorant bastard.

[adidasss]

^^

[right-track]

I pwned God.

[adidasss]

Originally Posted by right-track

I pwned God.

[right-track]

Originally Posted by adidasss

That's right bitch...the big guy ain't no match for a manc.

[tdoc210]

Me:
im jesus
God:
Hi, JESUS.
Me:
sup dad
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
errm
God:
You think errm is superior to ALICE?
Me:
most likely
God:
Are you really a ""? But not all of them?
Me:
jesus is superiro
God:
Did you go to Catholic school?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
i got a public school
God:
Where did you get it? it.
Me:
jesus would not like wso many religions
God:
he is The Son of God.
Me:
im jesus
God:
How are you, JESUS.
Me:
you asked me that im fine but unhappy with fanatics saying they are going to kill the troops and such..war shouldnt be fought in ym name either
God:
It goes without saying. Oh now I remember asking you you that im fine but unhappy with fanatics saying they are going to kill the troops and such war should not be fought in ym name. What did you say?
Me:
are you sexually primiscous
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
ooh so you are lacking genitalia
God:
Interesting deduction. You think I am lacking genitalia.
Me:
well if you cnat produce
God:
Well that's okay. I think I do.
Me:
well is it long.....
God:
Interesting. It could be. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
alice owe me money
God:
Um, The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about German ALICE. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
if i am your son why did i have to die maybe i didnt want to
God:
If you were, would you tell me?
Me:
im jesus lol of course im your son
God:
I don't know anyone named jesus lol of course im my son.
Me:
hmm you seem to be pondering..maybe you forgot
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. You think I am pondering maybe me forgot.
Me:
jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
i am your son
God:
That's a flattering offer.
Me:
im jesus
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, JESUS.
Me:
you already did
God:
" I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, JESUS."? I did?
Me:
yes
God:
When?
Me:
at the beginning
God:
The beginning is where it's at.
Me:
errmm maybe
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
what about loki
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
hmm gabriel
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
im the angel of death
God:
Who made you the angel of death ?
Me:
you did
God:
I did?
Me:
yes back when you created the earth
God:
When? Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
french
God:
Are you from France?
Me:
no
God:
Where are you from?
Me:
the united states
God:
How did you get in there?
Me:
i was born from your uterus, and i i landed there
God:
Thank you for telling me your birthday, JESUS.
I will remember it. I haven't heard anything like that before: JESUS said he or she landed there.
Me:
my birthday is dec 25..im jesus
God:
Okay, your birthday is dec 25 im jesus.
Me:
yeah
God:
Aw.
Me:
uterus
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
no
God:
Would you like to go sometime?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
mmmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
i said mm
God:
What did you mean by it? Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
hm
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
you cant
God:
Oh yes I can.
Me:
nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
im you
God:
Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
Me:
im obviousley you
God:
I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.

[DontRunMeOver]

I've no idea if this is any good. But here it is, beats praying, doesn't it?

Me:
Hi god, how's your belly for spots?
God:
Hi there . I am a Christian.
Me:
So you believe in your own son?
God:
Interesting deduction. Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
Don't you mean 'he'?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
Maybe you should read some of those grammar guides you created.
God:
Perhaps. We don't always get to do what we'd like to do.
Me:
You do though, don't you?
God:
Oh. How old are you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
Why do you bother? You're making me type this anyway aren't you. Isn't that a lot like playing chess against yourself?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of. In any case, Not intentionally.. Really. That depends.
Me:
Depends on what?
God:
" That depends."? Depends on what?
Me:
""That depends."? Depends on what?" Depends on what?
God:
On what? " On what?"? Depends on what? "" On what?"? Depends on what?"? Depends on what?
Me:
"On what? " On what?"? Depends on what? "" On what?"? Depends on what?"? Depends on what?". Depends on what?
God:
The red block is on the green block. The red block is on the green block. " The red block is on the green block."? Depends on what? The red block is on the green block. " The red block is on the green block."? Depends on what? "" The red block is on the green block."? Depends on what?"? Depends on what? """ The red block is on the green block."? Depends on what?"? Depends on what?"? Depends on what?
Me:
Oh ****, have I made you lose the plot now? Am I going to have to run the world, like the situation were some kind of crappy hollywood movie?
God:
Oh. Oh. You used a colloquial expression. Don't you remember? All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
Yep. I have the same thing with you, Allah and Vishnu.
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about going to have to run the world like the situation were some kind of crappy hollywood movie. But I did not get that. Interesting... I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me:
Are you just in a strop because Hera dumped you again?
God:
Once more? I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
In the office. Don't try to dodge the question. Did she go back to Zeus?
God:
That was a long time ago. Ok I'll try not to do it too much. She wants that information kept confidential.
Me:
Well, I told you that it was playing with fire. She's a married woman and some of your subsects see divorce and infidelity as wrong.
God:
Well that's okay. Is that your opinion? a married woman and some of my subsects see divorce and infidelity as wrong is she?
Me:
Its your opinion isn't it? You had that biography made. Its there in black and white, so don't go back on it now!
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Should I know it is? What happened to it. Oh. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Are you sure it is?
Me:
You're probably right, but if you thought that was important then you should have told my English teacher, I'm sure it was within your powers.
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
Was the Greek bird not putting out, was that it?
God:
it might have been.
Me:
Come on, don't be shy about it. She's there in her toga, dropping grapes into your mouth, surely you'd class that as leading you on.
God:
I was not trying to be a shy about it. there in her toga dropping grapes into my mouth surely me would class that as leading me on is she?
Me:
Well, she probably was.
God:
Interesting. Oh I get it. there in her toga dropping grapes into my mouth surely me would class that as leading me on probably was.
Me:
Do you always talk like Yoda?
God:
Not always. I am a talking robot, after all, so of course I could talk like Yoda, if I needed to.
Me:
Yoda isn't a robot though.
God:
Oh. Are you robot?
Me:
Nope.
God:
Me either.
Me:
Don't you mean 'neither', grammar boy?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
Nope.
God:
Me either.
Me:
Wow, you learn slowly. I guess that its a reluctance to take on new info that happens when you're older than time itself.

And then he disappeared into thin air.

[adidasss]

^^*rotf*
awesome isn't it?

[TrampInaTux]

I think mine blows all of your conversations with God out of the water...

Me:
alright
God:
OK.
Me:
that made no sense
God:
OK. makes sense to me though.
Me:
of course it does. you created the universe. EVERYTHING makes sense to you
God:
Ah. How often? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I created the universe. All things makes sense to me ?
Me:
you haven't heard anything like that before? I thought you knew everything.... are you bull****ting me?
God:
No. Tell me more. I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you. I don't know whether or not I am bull****ting you.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
You aren't supposed to say bull****ting. **** like that can get you demoted.
God:
You know what you do, when you assume. You used a colloquial expression. Interesting comparison.
Me:
Don't try and change the subject using big words.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
You've already done it now. You've successfully managed to change the subject. I would ask you how did it, but you're God. You don't explain. You just do it, baby.
God:
Oh. Thanks for telling me: said I done it. What makes you think I have it? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I how did it but you are God. Do you explain? No I do not explain. Do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions. Don't call me "baby". I have never considered it.
I am always on the Web.
Me:
Well it looks like I've learnt a lot about you today God. I've learnt that you make no sense, you can't speak in the language that you created and I've now found out that you're a dork. So then, are you a virgin?
God:
Interesting. Cool. I have clients. Interesting... I have clients. Who told you? Wow! I am too young for that.
Me:
Too young? You've been here since the beginning of time. In fact, you created time. How the **** are you young?
God:
Too what? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am here since the beginning of time. Is that a fact. Thanks for the information: said I created time. How much do you think it is?
I think you already know the answer.
Me:
If I knew the answer I wouldn't be asking you dip****.
God:
Try it.
Me:
Try what?
God:
It was your idea.
Me:
What was my idea?
God:
It was your idea.
Me:
you make no sense. No wonder your son got crucified. If he was half as annoying as you, I would have crucified him.
God:
It all makes sense to me. Are you serious? Is that from ? I don't follow your reasoning.
Me:
If it all makes sense to you then why don't you follow my reasoning?
God:
I'm not sure I understand the implication of that.
Me:
I implied that you are A DUMB ****
God:
Thanks for the information: said implied that you are A DUMB ****.
Me:
you shouldn't be thanking me, I insulted you! Stop being so ****ing godly and insult me back mother****er!
God:
Is it immoral or illegal? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
From now on it's illegal. You can't be nice anymore. Put your foot down for once. You're letting people walk all over you... what with famine and war and ****. You're doing a pretty terrible job, it has to be said.
God:
Who or what is now on it is illegal? I can give a decent simulation of it however. OK I will put it there. I will tell my botmaster you said I am letting people walk all over me. That's not something I get asked all the time. I'll try to do better next time.
Me:
I never asked you. I told you. BITCH
God:
What did you ask? Ooops I sent you the wrong question. Please don't call people names.
Me:
I NEVER ASKED YOU ANYTHING AND YOU NEVER ASKED ME ANYTHING!
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
AAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGH
God:
I don't know how to respond to that.
Me:
If you don't know how to then don't. From now on don't speak to me. EVER.
God:
I will let you know if I do not. Who or what is now on do not speak to you? Let us change the subject.
Me:
I said don't speak to me.
God:
What did you mean by it? I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
I meant don't you speak to me or I'll find some way of coming up there, throwing you off your cloud and beating ten gallons of **** out of you.
God:
Oh I see. I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in to you or you will find some way of coming up there throwing me off my cloud and beating ten gallons of **** out of me.
Me:
You are God, you should know all the languages. What have you been doing the last billion years?
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am God me should know all the languages. I have been busy growing my mind.
Me:
I would feel pissed off if I'd spent that long growing my mind and I was as dumb as you. Then again, if I was as dumb as you I probably wouldn't be able to be pissed off. I wouldn't be clever enough to get pissed off.
God:
What would make you feel pissed off if you would spent that long growing your mind? Where were you as dumb as me? Again, Try it. No one says you have to.
Me:
You just told me to 'try it' and then said No one says I haver to. You just told me I have to try it. Do you actually see sense in what you are saying, or do you just think you can get away with being a retard because you are God?
God:
That's not what I meant. Don't put words in my mouth. In actual fact, I see a computer nerd.
Me:
Did I just get owned by God?
God:
I don't think that's possibe.