The Relationship Thread.

[WWWP]

Originally Posted by Pedestrian

I think I'm rounding the bend on depression again, which is the one thing that scares me most in the world.

I'll always listen.

[Chula Vista]

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

All I can say is that you've shown yourself to be a great and caring person, and everyone who has met you on MusicBanter is better for it. Hang in there, we're rootin' for ya!

Hell yeah.

Lots of folks on this board really care. Don't forget that.

[Fifty Foot Queenie]

Even though I recognize I'm in an unhealthy and probably abusive relationship, I feel like the biggest bitch in the world right now because I forgot my BFs birthday. I hate myself.

[ladyislingering]

Originally Posted by Fifty Foot Queenie

Even though I recognize I'm in an unhealthy and probably abusive relationship, I feel like the biggest bitch in the world right now because I forgot my BFs birthday. I hate myself.

He's a big boy, he'll get over it.

The way you're talking he's probably a douche anyway.

[Oriphiel]

Originally Posted by Fifty Foot Queenie

Even though I recognize I'm in an unhealthy and probably abusive relationship, I feel like the biggest bitch in the world right now because I forgot my BFs birthday. I hate myself.

That's why you should always have an all-purpose wrapped gift stashed somewhere! And if you sense that they don't like it, then just say "Yeah, I know it's not much, but the real gift that I ordered for you hasn't come in the mail yet".

Anyway, jokes aside, i'm sorry to hear that your relationship might be edging into the territory of abuse. Is it something that you want to talk about?

[Fifty Foot Queenie]

Yes and no. Yes because I'm miserable, no because I sometimes wonder if my thoughts are valid.

[ladyislingering]

Originally Posted by Fifty Foot Queenie

Yes and no. Yes because I'm miserable, no because I sometimes wonder if my thoughts are valid. I've hurt him too, so could I really say he's abusive? I dunno.

Does he make you feel worthless, imply that you're stupid or below him in any way? Is he manipulative/does he exploit what he knows to be your weaknesses or your most sensitive psychological traits in order to control your behavior? Being emotionally and verbally abusive is just as much a problem as someone who's physically abusive and prone to bouts of extreme rage.

If he can look you in the face while you're crying from something he's said or done because he's cut you so deeply that you have no other way of handling the situation because it just shuts you down at the core of your soul, and he doesn't react, doesn't feel the need to apologize or try to understand what his behavior is doing to you, he's a piece of garbage and you need to be rid of him ASAP.

[Oriphiel]

Originally Posted by Fifty Foot Queenie

Yes and no. Yes because I'm miserable, no because I sometimes wonder if my thoughts are valid.

Of course your thoughts are valid, and you deserve all of the happiness that you can find. Even if the relationship between you and your boyfriend isn't at the point of being abusive, if it's making you miserable then you should definitely think about breaking it off (or at least taking a break from each other for awhile). Normally, I'd recommend letting your boyfriend know that you aren't satisfied, giving them a chance to change their act and perhaps save the relationship, but if they're physically/mentally abusive or have repeatedly ignored your needs then you shouldn't feel ashamed for finding any way out that you can. It can be a very difficult situation with many confusing and mixed feelings and emotions, and I truly hope that you manage to navigate through it with as much ease as possible.

[Fifty Foot Queenie]

Originally Posted by ladyislingering

Does he make you feel worthless, imply that you're stupid or below him in any way? Is he manipulative/does he exploit what he knows to be your weaknesses or your most sensitive psychological traits in order to control your behavior? Being emotionally and verbally abusive is just as much a problem as someone who's physically abusive and prone to bouts of extreme rage.

If he can look you in the face while you're crying from something he's said or done because he's cut you so deeply that you have no other way of handling the situation because it just shuts you down at the core of your soul, and he doesn't react, doesn't feel the need to apologize or try to understand what his behavior is doing to you, he's a piece of garbage and you need to be rid of him ASAP.

To be fair, the really effed up things he's done happen when I've made him angry. Sometimes his anger is totally legit - I've lied to him about parts of my past (issues with drugs, having an abortion), I've done things behind his back because I think his demands are unreasonable (like listening to music or drinking socially), and I've done some really stupid things that I try to hide once the mania passes and reality kicks in. The thing is, he's vicious when angry and some of the things he's done seem out of proportion to my crimes. He's set fire to things I cherish and put out the flames by urinating on them. He's sexually humiliated me and he's said some truly awful stuff too. But, I drove him to it. He's hacked my social media and read my journals, but I did the things he discovered so I can't get mad about the violation of privacy, even if the last time I made an entry was two years before we met. I'm really stupid and that frustrates him too. Basically, we probably wouldn't have the issues we do if I was a better girlfriend.

[Oriphiel]

Originally Posted by Fifty Foot Queenie

He's set fire to things I cherish and put out the flames by urinating on them.

That's your cue to leave his sorry ass. There's nothing you could have possibly done to ever deserve such a response.