That's the thing. It's an enjoyable thing, but not the center of the universe. What's really great is feeling mentally connected to another person, but that's difficult as **** to achieve. I've nearly given up on dating, just because I can't seem to find that woman that I can really talk to. That's what I want to find. If it was just sex, there's always hookers and porn, I guess.

If I'm on a first date and it leads to a woman telling me to shut the hell up and get down on my knees, it's a successful date.*

*Not that it's ever happened to me. One can always dream.

So can I assume you're all into pegging as an extension of enjoying anal

Obviously but those cartoonishly big strapons are still scary.

Ofc. Those are like expert level.

I'm a Mass Effect veteran so I only take Insanity level strap ons.

Tfw you got home from work and excited because tomorrow is your day off then your boss texts you and asks if you can work. And me being me of course I can't say no. So yeah. I hate being me sometimes.

TFW you've fielded 20 or so calls in a row from marble mouth old twats before getting a call from someone who opens their mouth all of the way when they speak and it's like hearing music for the first time.

Tfw the lead on a project calls you early in the am to let you know that a foundation was poured wrong, so you send the drawings out (again) and 10 minutes later you get a message back letting you know that the contractor messed up, not you. I may not be perfect, but I don't screw up foundation drawings. Blood pressure back to normal.

Also, tfw you're out of spoons, so you use a fork for your yogurt.

Did you sneeze?

Sometimes it makes me sneeze.

Can we gofundme a nose trimmer for mindful?

You like the challenge of trying to pluck the already trimmed ones..

Mindful be like...

https://assets.rebelcircus.com/blog/...6/01/Arnie.gif

Tfw you're biking home from work and there's a baguette sitting in the middle of the path.

Did you eat it?

I hope you didn't roll over.

TFW you check your work pants and find that your brand new pack of cigs probably fell out while you were biking home from work.

Also TFW you find an unopened pack in your bookbag so it all evens out even if you don't know how stale they are.

TFW when Batlord realizes it's the same pack.

Nah I know I put the new pack in my pocket. I remember the pocket juggling. This is a different pack.

I've had that feeling for a couple decades now. Feels great man.

TFW your bus is late and there are mosquitos everywhere.

TFW you're not sure if the can of beer on your desk is new or a three-day-old leftover and you taste it and it's the latter.

https://media.giphy.com/media/RJAjTowsU0K1a/giphy.gif

You still drank it all though didn't you?

I like to believe Bat is at least a little less white trash than that. I could be wrong.

You are :D

Do You Give a **** About Drinking Stale Beer from Two Days Ago? (Hint: I don't)

What an odd coincidence.

That's a desperation move though. It's just that I don't have a very high threshold for desperation.

He clearly said 3 days though and that's way over the line.

Tfw you're chilling, and then someone plays your song

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/OddballSho...geon-small.gif

tfw you realize you don't have a song to call your song

Tfw more people should listen to Italo Disco

TFW you send someone their headshot and they're not happy with it and try to blame you for their ugly.

You should send them the number to a good makeup artist. Like a movie person who does horror movies.

Or a magician.

How would you word that so that it was properly insulting without trying too hard?

"Here's the number of someone who I think can help with your situation."

Only works if they follow through and call though.

If you can find the number to a still existing freak show then it would be even better.

I could do a plastic surgeon but in SD they'd probably think it was real advice.