Then you 100% did not kill that roach.

It’s crazy. ****ing six legged Houdinis.

Like they're not even that fast. I mean they're not slow but it's like the revulsion you feel seeing one kinda sorta zipping across the floor takes precious mental capacity that you need to react with the quickness.

And I think people are in love with the idea of roaches. Just like people are in love with the idea of hating their job. It's something negative about life that you use to define yourself as the hero of the world. Roaches are your anti-compatriot in outlining the absurdity of life. Of course when you actually have roaches that fantasy goes right the **** out the window.

They can go from 0 to 3 mph in .01 seconds. Adjusted for size that makes them 150% faster than Superman.

A spiel on Shark Tank the guy said “I woke up and a roach was crawling on me. At that moment...”

Meh.

When I was a kid I was at some summer day care YMCA thing and we were sitting in this hallway waiting to go to the pool and I felt something on my head. Was a bigass roach. It's been well over two decades and I still remember exactly where this happened and will until the day I die.

TFW you try to go to analytics.google.com but you jump the gun on the autocompletion and hit enter after typing in "anal" and now anal is burned into your suggestions for eternity on your work computer.

Tfw you were told about the poison ivy, but you think you're aren't susceptible to poison ivy and now you have a raging case of poison ivy.

Tfw when you warn someone that they’re nuts deep in poison ivy and they don’t seem to care.