Don't listen to her. She's the enemy. A woman is just going to give you false intelligence to further her own agenda.

She's almost fifty. Believe me, it's a compliment.

Actually, I don't collectively self-identify... it's not the feline way.

But everyone is free to turn a blind eye to my advice and continue to not get laid.

.

I get that a lot.

Well, you're a woman, so you'll be getting those until you're about 50.

:confused: Is there some secret conspiracy to end my life at 50??

Not that I'm aware of.

^ :d

To be fair, it could have been interpreted either way. Although I must admit, the intended joke was much funnier than the inferred one... I have decided that you shall live another day, due to my increased amusement. :)

I even used Comic Sans.

I'll just go ahead and let myself out now.

Jokes on you. Even if I followed your advice I wouldn't get laid.

Girls not diggin' the Paul Bunyan look?

Idk, I don't got time for that ish, and I have one of those "it's complicated" things going on with one.

Jokes on you. Guys who think they can't get laid become their own self-fulfilling prophecy.

^

Women want a guy who KNOWS he can get laid. A man with choices can afford to be choosier, so being chosen is, in and of itself, flattering.

Why you gotta ruin jokes with logic. :-/

Because the whole "things are complicated" shtick is for high school and Hollywood. Either you want to be with her, or you don't. Plain and simple. Take a stance; she can take it or leave it.

I knew I'd found my soulmate, when I found a guy who didn't pussyfoot around my teenage drama games and had big enough cajones to call me on my own bull****. Women say they want a guy who doesn't take charge (yada yada yada), but the truth is that women don't really know at the **** they want until it bites them in the ass (metaphorically speaking, in most cases).

She's married. It actually is complicated... lol

I mostly agree with you, but I don't feel the need to go into detail about my personal life on here.

In that case, it isn't complicated; it's foolish. This is how people get shot. There, problem solved.

Just because you're monogamous doesn't mean everyone is. No one's gonna get shot, her husband knows... and there is no problem to solve, it's just complicated.

I'm not sure how you inferred that I meant that everyone is meant to be monogamous?? Some people are; some aren't. The challenge is to figure out to which category you yourself belong, and to live accordingly.

That said, just because this particular lady doesn't consider herself monogamous, doesn't mean that her husband won't go bat**** crazy if he discovers you two. (As a side note, speaking of bat****... I recently learned that bat**** is actually 100% edible, and in most cases, healthy... Kind of brings new meaning to the euphemism, eh??)

I think you skipped the part where i said her husband knows.

I'll sell you fifty pounds of what is most definitely bat **** for 700 dollars.

Exactly how "crunchy" do you think I am bro?!

Yeah I totally skipped it. My bad, dude. I'm a "little" drunk, and had a "little" bit of a sh't kinda day (disclaimer). However, my advice is still sound, if a little incoherent ;) ;)

Enough of whatever that adjective means to be in need of my pigeon lotion. It's a cure all.

Pigeon lotion?! Pfffffft... As if that **** can compete with my bona fide snake oil.

Tis all good. I know it won't end well for one of us, but it works for now. I mostly agree with everything you've said.

I can deal with that, because I know you'll agree with all of it after it ends bad for (whichever) one of ya.

Oh...I thought that bonified snake oil was a little on the nose for my brand tbh.

Stop, you're making me blush.

TFW it feels good to gulp down large glasses of water and then throw them back up.

Cold milk idiot.

tfw you are reading your local newspaper and see your mate in it for assaulting a bus driver. Paper is asking for info/ID.

I'm pissing myself.

You're as good a friend as a I am, I suppose.

Well I'm not going to snitch on him. Gonna wind him up about it when I see him though.

I thought that's what I said.