Imo it's just more insecurity to be uncomfortable hearing about exes.

Nah, there's nothing like that. We are non-monogamous, and I don't care about future **** partners but this had me questioning her judgement in like, every way lol. Sometimes I just have kneejerk reactions to things that are rooted in my own insecurities, and after being in a monogamous relationship the past 7 years I'm still learning and working on those things. Like I said, lizard brain **** that I acknowledge as lizard brained. I can't fault myself for having those thoughts but I can step away and see them for what they are and then respond to them in a way that is calm and mindful and healthy rather than emotionally and egotistically.

@ Chio, I am also very wary of people who always surrounded by crazies and assholes. That's not what's happening here, fortunately. She has a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship, often beginning the next before ending the first, so like I see the flags for sure, and that's why I don't want to be in a "relationship" with her, and why she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone until she's spent time being comfortable alone. I support it.

I thought when you said broad broke your heart it had something to do with her not being over the ex

Anyway, old habits die hard and if you are accustomed to monogamy that's a hard mind set to break.

I still think the questioning of her judgement is more rooted in jealously than anything else. "She wanted a relationship with that but not me?" = You seeking validation through her. I can completely relate to that feeling which is why I'm saying that.

Different broad lol. Yeah I hear you, I just wanted to be clear that i came to that conclusion as well and am working past it rather than dwelling in it.

Best of luck to you. This **** ain't meant to be easy.

That’s different than doing a full archeological dig looking for patterns.

Nah. It’s insecure to be all wantin to know. One way or the other everybody is going to leave you. Or you them. If there’s a good story then fine but doing a background check is nowhere. So is turning in your relationship resume.

It's a false dichotomy to say that either you're uncomfortable hearing about it or "all wanting to know."
Your discomfort is insecurity based on your possessive conception of your relationship to that person and the inherent threat posed by hearing about the competition. Imo.

Suck my ding dong Freud.

Now that's what I call a Freudian slip.

I think that's way too harsh a judgement. I agree that people who have lots of abusive partners are generally damaged, either to begin with (childhood trauma) or because of those relaionships, but that doesn't mean they can't be wonderful people, or make great partners. We're all damaged in some way and have our user manuals, (some more complicated than others) but not necessarily in a harmful way. Some people turn the trauma around too. And they might be in a process of healing and be ready to have kind partners; breaking the cycle of abuse is possible, but not if no one gives you a chance.

@WWWP I do think the 'I'm not ready for a relationship because of my abusive ex' is a red flag, but I can't judge, like Charles said. Just be careful, even if you're not calling it a relationship or if you're comfortable with not being monogamous. Sounds like you're being sensible enough about it though.