The Relationship Thread

[OccultHawk]

No judgment from me. People change their minds. Get horny. Get sad. Get lonely. Get nostalgic. And just miss someone. Happens all the time. It’s a good reason to break up amicably.

[OccultHawk]

Oh if they have a lot of **** exes.

Don’t care.

[WWWP]

This girl I've been seeing was in a similar situation to me when we met - we had both ended long-term relationships at the beginning of quarantine and decided to continue living with our exes through the end of the year for the benefit of all involved. Naturally the subject of our exes comes up a lot, and jesus christ I know my relationship was ****ed up in a lot of ways, but ffs hers stresses me out to even imagine. The things she put up with and participated in are making me start to think of her differently. Logically I know that's not fair, and I know that I will never understand the full scope of their dynamic, and so it's fruitless to even analyze. But like it's a little concerning that her standards are so low. I think ultimately it all comes back to my own insecurities, like "how could she want a relationship with THAT but not want a relationship with me?" [I'm actively avoiding monogamy but it's like some lizard brain ****]

[OccultHawk]

Exes are the worst subject ever. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.

[WWWP]

Well I ignored your advice and talked to her about it. Through communication we cleared everything up and all is well.

[The Batlord]

Originally Posted by WWWP

This girl I've been seeing was in a similar situation to me when we met - we had both ended long-term relationships at the beginning of quarantine and decided to continue living with our exes through the end of the year for the benefit of all involved. Naturally the subject of our exes comes up a lot, and jesus christ I know my relationship was ****ed up in a lot of ways, but ffs hers stresses me out to even imagine. The things she put up with and participated in are making me start to think of her differently. Logically I know that's not fair, and I know that I will never understand the full scope of their dynamic, and so it's fruitless to even analyze. But like it's a little concerning that her standards are so low. I think ultimately it all comes back to my own insecurities, like "how could she want a relationship with THAT but not want a relationship with me?" [I'm actively avoiding monogamy but it's like some lizard brain ****]

I don't know her or her situation obviously so this just a ball I'm tossing in the air but the way you described her made her sound manipulative so you never know how honest she was being. It can be real easy to lie to a stranger to make yourself look sympathetic.

[goldendoodle]

I'm always a bit wary of those who right off the bat demonize ALL their exes, call ALL of them "crazy" etc. (..Or any of them, for that matter, unless obviously there's clearly a good reason for it.) Oftentimes they are in fact the crazy ones, and psychologically torture and gaslight everyone they date until they nearly are crazy.

But then there are those who habitually get sucked into the orbit of destructive people genuinely without consciously meaning to; in some cases this is clearly due to an abusive upbringing coupled with a lack of self-esteem. Manipulative/abusive/narcissistic types can sniff out that specific type of vulnerable person from MILES away.

Soo I try not to immediately judge a person for their exes. Not until I learn more about it (even though obviously you're only getting one perspective, unless you stalk the other one online a little to find their side of the story, which I've done before) and see if there's a distinct pattern in their relationships or not (their endings and beginnings etc).

I see no problem with discussing exes or just past relationships in general. It's usually enlightening. obviously it's something that is bound to come up when having an honest discussion about one's past mistakes or psychological issues.

[OccultHawk]

Ain’t nobody you’re ****ing wants to hear you talking about who you was ****ing. Ain’t nothin good coming out of that conversation.

[jwb]

Originally Posted by WWWP

This girl I've been seeing was in a similar situation to me when we met - we had both ended long-term relationships at the beginning of quarantine and decided to continue living with our exes through the end of the year for the benefit of all involved. Naturally the subject of our exes comes up a lot, and jesus christ I know my relationship was ****ed up in a lot of ways, but ffs hers stresses me out to even imagine. The things she put up with and participated in are making me start to think of her differently. Logically I know that's not fair, and I know that I will never understand the full scope of their dynamic, and so it's fruitless to even analyze. But like it's a little concerning that her standards are so low. I think ultimately it all comes back to my own insecurities, like "how could she want a relationship with THAT but not want a relationship with me?" [I'm actively avoiding monogamy but it's like some lizard brain ****]

didn't you suggest she was still in love with the ex or something

Tbh I smell trouble there but that's just me

That's why I hate monogamy. If you stop caring who else your partner ****s with then you can view it as either they choose to keep seeing you or they don't. Then you truly don't have to worry about the ex at all.

The last sentence in your post says it all. You are looking for validation through your partner. That's monogamy 101 bruh.

[goldendoodle]

@Hawk: Sure, if you view it that way. It's not about discussing the PERSON so much as, like, pointing out relationships that contributed to some current neurotic habit/fear or paranoia/whatever you may deal with. (Like for instance I still get SUPER NERVOUS and fearful when a very loud rowdy drunk near me is binge drinking beer or something, because both the smell and the sound of the person crashing around viscerally brings up memories of an alcoholic ex I had who became somewhat physically aggressive when with me in private while drunk. So I've had to explain that before after being asked why I suddenly froze and disassociated when the aforementioned type of person entered a small bar we were in)
It's completely reasonable.