A poem

Ma Cherie · 01-20-2006, 09:19 AM

Across the nightmare

in the darkness
you find the light
i only know
my fear and blight

across the nigtmare
my love refined
truth and light
they intertwine

my once sore thoughts
my vindictive scars
i die once again
Among all the stars

my thoughts betrayed
the petals lie bare
their broken in dream
and wore from ware

the truth be known
in love and life
it all becomes
alittle trife

creepinson · 01-20-2006, 08:13 PM

holy crap no definitions

although the rhythmic flow is acceptable (only barely, thanks to terribly forced rhymes) the flow between ideas is terrible

nothing ties in with the last, and it just seems like a jumble of words... i would be amazed if you could tell me what its about, because it seems like you just did your best to piece some pretty words together... really cosmetic really shallow... have a nice ****in day

Crazy Luv · 01-22-2006, 05:21 AM

It sounds pretty. but some of the words....yea...
& can you tell us the point, i wanna see if i got it right or not.

01-20-2006, 09:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
Ma Cherie The Forums Sadistic Ghost Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night Posts: 457	A poem Across the nightmare in the darkness you find the light i only know my fear and blight across the nigtmare my love refined truth and light they intertwine my once sore thoughts my vindictive scars i die once again Among all the stars my thoughts betrayed the petals lie bare their broken in dream and wore from ware the truth be known in love and life it all becomes alittle trife __________________ I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

01-20-2006, 08:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 129	holy crap no definitions although the rhythmic flow is acceptable (only barely, thanks to terribly forced rhymes) the flow between ideas is terrible nothing ties in with the last, and it just seems like a jumble of words... i would be amazed if you could tell me what its about, because it seems like you just did your best to piece some pretty words together... really cosmetic really shallow... have a nice ****in day

01-22-2006, 05:21 AM	#3 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	It sounds pretty. but some of the words....yea... & can you tell us the point, i wanna see if i got it right or not.