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Old 12-29-2005, 04:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hoodlum

Evil is his source
He treats everyone unfairly
With no remorse

He will attack people everyday
Nothing you can do
Nothing you can say

His friends will help him do it too
Not that old
Not that new

He finds it as a form of fun
But unfortunately
It’s to everyone

There are hundreds just like him
What can we do?
We cannot win

It’s the time of today
Attention with their actions
But nothing to say.
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Old 12-29-2005, 04:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Okay, this time it made sense. you didnt go off to far.

it could of done better without the last stanza though. again, work on the ending.
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Old 12-29-2005, 04:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Luv
Okay, this time it made sense. you didnt go off to far.

it could of done better without the last stanza though. again, work on the ending.

damn it.

Well at least this time no one has said cliche.

about the ending if you don't live in scotland you might not know but this poem is aimed at a group of scottish people called neds. They are violent and anti-social in other words thugs. For the ending it's about how they complain about getting the short end of the stick yet they only do violence an not actually try to change things.

(anyone find it quite ironic that you make it to hard to understand or it is too bland)
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Old 12-29-2005, 04:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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so how about the people who dont live in scotland, what are they left thinking? did you think about that?

but i like it, just dont like the last stanza, all im saying.
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Old 12-30-2005, 07:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Luv
so how about the people who dont live in scotland, what are they left thinking? did you think about that?

but i like it, just dont like the last stanza, all im saying.

Sorry I'm scottish never thought it would leave the country

Guess you have also never read the welsh hill country. There are a lot of poems based on things happening in certain countries.
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