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Old 07-05-2006, 03:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
isfckingdead
 
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*has nothing really to add*

but, I love it.
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Old 07-06-2006, 12:12 AM   #12 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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Chorus added bitches.
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Old 07-06-2006, 01:25 AM   #13 (permalink)
They call me Tundra Boy
 
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That chorus is nice. The 2nd and 3rd line are absolutely ace, as is the rhyming with 'necklace' and 'wreckless', although maybe you should lose the word 'stupid' (replace it with a different word if you like) because the rest of the lyric isn't about anything stupid, so the is misplaced.

"You and lust has made us reckless"

Or something like that.

Although I felt the need to add the correction, I can't overemphasise how much I liked the phrase

"She's pulling on my heartstrings
I'm pulling on her necklace"

Keeping it physical! Yeah!
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Old 07-06-2006, 02:38 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Changed. Now can I call this my official best lyric to date? I'm about to post another one up that I finished writing today. Rate that one. I think I'm on a bit of a roll as of late.
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Old 07-07-2006, 01:01 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Yes. It is very good. (You should change all of the choruses).

I made a grammatical mistake in my suggestion, so you might want to bear it in mind. It should read:

"You and lust have made us reckless"

Not 'has', and maybe it'd make more sense as 'made me reckless'. But that's up to you, depends on what you want to say there. Either way, its already very good!
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When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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