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Old 11-29-2006, 12:19 PM   #1 (permalink)
Groupie
 
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Default amazing

you took my world by hostage when you came into my life that day.
and now i know my heart will never be the same.
we need to get back to basics, before both our worlds collide.
and now i need a second opinion, a place to confide.

(chorus)

and its amazing
how you phaze me
thinkin' about you all the time

drivin' me crazy
not being lazy
not having too much on my mind(2x)

(verse 2)

i want to know if know if you will ever want to marry me and take off.

i wanna hitch you to the back of my trailer, take you with me to alberta.

cuz thats where i find solace, away from here(2x)
(chorus)2x)
(instrumental solo)
(bridge)
and we both know that you will rise above
if you are just showered with my love
and will you ever find peace.
will you stop pushing hate.
(chorus a few times the over)
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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This is pretty bad, i'll post an intelligent full on critique later.
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Originally Posted by METALLICA89 View Post
Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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Old 11-29-2006, 06:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Meh.

Average, at best.
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Old 11-29-2006, 07:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
you took my world by hostage when you came into my life that day.
and now i know my heart will never be the same.
we need to get back to basics, before both our worlds collide.
and now i need a second opinion, a place to confide.
World by hostage isn't witty its cheesy you could have saved that with some nice punch-line sort of line, but you pulled the line that followed it was really cliche.

The second half is just, yeah the same cheesy and cliche.
Quote:
(chorus)

and its amazing
how you phaze me
thinkin' about you all the time

drivin' me crazy
not being lazy
not having too much on my mind(2x)
The rhyming here is SOOO forced phaze me? crazy lazy? Cmon.

Quote:
(verse 2)

i want to know if know if you will ever want to marry me and take off.

i wanna hitch you to the back of my trailer, take you with me to alberta.

cuz thats where i find solace, away from here(2x)
(chorus)2x)
(instrumental solo)
(bridge)
Hitch you to the back of my trailer? OUCH, abuse isn't cool.

Quote:
and we both know that you will rise above
if you are just showered with my love
and will you ever find peace.
will you stop pushing hate.
(chorus a few times the over)
Pushing hate?


To summarize this, it looks like something written by a 11 year old boy whos trying to rip off nsync.
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Originally Posted by METALLICA89 View Post
Ive seen you on muiltipul forums saying Metallica and slayer are the worst **** you kid go suck your **** while you listen to your ****ing emo **** I bet you do listen to emo music
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Old 11-29-2006, 07:26 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Looks like one of Ethan's old poems.

To fill you in, it sucks.
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Old 12-02-2006, 03:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
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thank you all for the critiques on my song, this is all very useful information, i need this information to know what to erase from my lyric book and what to keep in it so thank you
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