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02-24-2007, 10:00 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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The Professor
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York City
Posts: 1,113
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Let's Get Hammered Just This One Time, I know This Great Bar Around The Corner
Let's Get Hammered Just This One Time, I know This Great Bar Around The Corner Standing outside of your window Watching a silhouette of you moveing back and fourth I felt butterflies in my stomach For the first time My hearts beating Beating faaster and faster Nearly comeing out of my chest Past expierences have blurred My decision makeing And made a home in my memory A dark cloud hovers over me I try to flee For some reason it finds where I hide I want to be the one to wipe Away your tears I want to be you guardina angel That will never leave your side Heaven can't be as beautiful as her She's the picture perfect girl That deserves the world and all of it's riches She will never hear these words Cause what would a girl like that Want with a guy like me Ok I've been in a slump lately so please be gentle and please state your honest opinions.....K thanks 
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02-25-2007, 10:23 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Im Just As Sweet!!!:)
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: america
Posts: 570
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I liked it but it coulda been more like I cant think of the word but discriptiveish I think
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Let them live in the stillness and know the flame. They will loose all and give all.. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to look at but not so bright Coffee, chocolate and men, some things are just better rich |
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02-25-2007, 11:02 AM
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#3 (permalink) | |
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Ban Captain Caveman
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: In The Realms of Poetry
Posts: 560
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Watching a silhouette of you moveing back and fourth < Moving.
Beating faaster and faster < Faster. Nearly comeing out of my chest < Coming. My decision makeing < Making. Alright, this is getting annoying. Spell check your shit before posting it. Also, it sounds like your stalking someone, which, on it's own is creepy. You describe it in a very cliche way. And your title is terrible, mainly because it's totally irrelevant, it also sounds like some emo band's song, where they have to have extremely long titles. It's annoying. And, did I mention spell check? SPELL CHECK.
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02-25-2007, 03:17 PM
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#7 (permalink) | |
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Is The Spider
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 586
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If you're admitting that it sucks though, why not make an effort to post something that you're proud of so that people can go, "Damn Loser, that's pretty good!" Why consciously introduce stuff that you know sucks to the community? It REALLY brings down your credibility.
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Quote:
 Night of the Living Fred Tuesdays at 11PM US EST www.fredoniaradio.com BAND INTERVIEWS |
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