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Old 11-24-2007, 04:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default [untitled] new...ish

Why...?
Why is it this way,
how come if I attempt something,
it ends up being something,
where someone finds it wrong,
or a discrace to society.

Doesn't make sense,
so what,
i paint my nails,
i shave my legs,
I do what anyone could do.
Why am I punished?

There's really one resolution to the pain I feel,
but i'm not the kind of person,
who has the will to do so.
I try to go through my life,
as if it's just going on.

I avoid all the obstacles I can.
Apparently i've hit the biggest one.

What to do?
Who to go to?
Where to go?
Questions that haunt my mind along with,
Am I here for a reason?
Does someone out there really care?
and most of all,
Why?

So,
my life,
can be a representation,
of a Living Hell,
except for one thing,
Hell doesn't live.

Perhaps if I try hard enough,
maybe it will...


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Old 11-24-2007, 08:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Thats pretty good, but i have a few tips for you.

1. Try to avoid using words like society (line) because there very generic and dont sound good. Just like in writing a report or story, overusing words like that is not a good thing.

2. Maybe its just me, but how this song is set up gives me the impression of it being vry hard to put into a real song, and be sang.

Keep truckin!
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Old 11-24-2007, 11:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
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its more of a poem than a song

i put it into a form of poetry.

so thats why it may seem a bit hard to use as a song.
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Old 11-25-2007, 12:03 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokenScarredCarcus View Post
its more of a poem than a song

i put it into a form of poetry.

so thats why it may seem a bit hard to use as a song.
ahh i see. ij ust assumed it was a song because of the title of the forum (song writing)
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Old 11-25-2007, 12:35 AM   #5 (permalink)
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yeah.

i talked with ethan.
and he said poetry is also allowed.

so i decided to put poetry up

i'll try to be more flexible on letting people know if its a song or poem.
sometimes its easy

other times its confusing as hell.
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