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Old 11-24-2008, 08:36 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Love it. It really depicts our society. Depressing yes but realistic. Your wording is genius and precise and very beautiful. Makes the pain almost leap at you.
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:00 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Great opening lines. Original idea.
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Old 12-07-2008, 12:18 PM   #43 (permalink)
I'm better at listening
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon View Post
You are sandpaper.
You wear me down;
Thin my shell to its weakest state,
Leave me nearly exposed.
You only look tough.
You're still paper beneath the grit.
Easily torn.
Quickly discarded.
I've deafened myself.
As defense.
From your lines of lies and bullshit.
I've blinded myself.
As defense.
From watching you spin your falsities.
Grinding holes into any place
You settle too long.
I'm trying to get into song writing and lyrics, right now myself. And what I find really weak about my personal stuff is that taking the "subject" of the song and describing it immediately for it's physical attributes is really annoying and weak.
It's kind of shallow, try taking different perspective than just the one. I'm still trying to figure all of this out I just got into it, long road ahead blablabla, keep trying!
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Old 12-11-2008, 02:34 PM   #44 (permalink)
"Hermione-Lite"
 
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What... are you talking about?

Naming the subject can also strengthen the poem. >.<
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Old 12-18-2008, 10:46 AM   #45 (permalink)
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>.<!!!
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Old 12-18-2008, 10:49 AM   #46 (permalink)
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?? >.>
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Old 12-22-2008, 08:58 PM   #47 (permalink)
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^^!
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Old 12-23-2008, 01:55 PM   #48 (permalink)
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o.o;;
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Old 12-24-2008, 11:22 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxawwxsugarxx View Post
o.o;;
XD!!!!
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Old 12-24-2008, 06:54 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Shut the **** up.
__________________


... Stalin had a FANTASTIC moustache.

Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain.

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