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Old 09-13-2009, 10:27 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
This one doesn't have a name, so feel free to suggest one if you can think of one.

I'm overlooking/ the street we used to live
The lofty gum trees/ they always forgive
Birthday parties and broken bones
You left me here with too many unknowns

Im overlooking/ the beach that we called ours
Searing summers/ lying on our towels
Bright blue ocean and golden sand
A love affair with this sunburned land

You said goodbye you left you went away
Would I be different if you were still here today
You said goodbye you left you went away
But Im still here I chose to stay

Im overlooking/ the photos in my head
Backyard cricket/ six if you hit the shed
Football socks and smiling faces
How could you leave, of all places

You said goodbye you left you went away
Would I be different if you were still here today
You said goodbye you left you went away
But Im still here I chose to stay

I was only seventeen
Sneaking out of windows, caught by the fly screen
Do you miss the sun the sea
But most of all...
do you miss me?


You said goodbye you left you went away
Would I be different if you were still here today
You said goodbye you left you went away
But Im still here I chose to stay

You said goodbye you left you went away
Would I be different if you were still here today?


And here's a slightly crappy recording of it, although this was recorded quite a while ago: It's a bit lame and sappy I must admit!
Hi Lateralus,
I feel your song is lovely...sweet and sentimental (not sappy). I feel there is nothing at all sappy about missing a friend and having emotions about that person and the loss...those are beautiful feelings and much more preferable than when people feel disconnected from, and unaffected by, others.

I just have one recommendation. As I listened to the song I noticed that in the bridge (in bold above) every word in the last three lines was sung using the same note (in other words, this section was monotone):

Quote:
Do you miss the sun the sea
But most of all...
do you miss me?
I felt myself expecting and wanting some more soaring notes (higher notes) in this bridge section to emphasize it and make it sound distinct from the song's verses and chorus. Still, I feel the song is very nice as it is.

I especially liked this line, "Sneaking out windows, caught by the fly screen," because for me it symbolizes the overall message of the song, which I see as the speaker wanting to be with the friend, but feeling caught through love for the land and for her home, and thus not wanting to leave, even as she sees the friend doing so and she yearns for the past they had together.

Hmm...you asked for title suggestions...the image that sticks in my mind is of the young person pressed up against the screen of her home, watching her friend/loved-one leaving, having the ability to break through the barrier and follow if she wants to, but choosing not to go even though it is hard to be the one left behind. Since the song deals again and again with seeing...both seeing the past and seeing the images and events as if they were happening again, would "View" work as a good title for your song?

--Erica
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Old 09-13-2009, 04:12 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Lateralus, that song about your friend Amy was beautiful.
it was so emotive. i had goosebumps & all!
i cant really think of anything else to say, but i really enjoyed that
honestly keep it up!
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Old 09-13-2009, 06:19 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Hi Lateralus,
I feel your song is lovely...sweet and sentimental (not sappy). I feel there is nothing at all sappy about missing a friend and having emotions about that person and the loss...those are beautiful feelings and much more preferable than when people feel disconnected from, and unaffected by, others.

I just have one recommendation. As I listened to the song I noticed that in the bridge (in bold above) every word in the last three lines was sung using the same note (in other words, this section was monotone):



I felt myself expecting and wanting some more soaring notes (higher notes) in this bridge section to emphasize it and make it sound distinct from the song's verses and chorus. Still, I feel the song is very nice as it is.

I especially liked this line, "Sneaking out windows, caught by the fly screen," because for me it symbolizes the overall message of the song, which I see as the speaker wanting to be with the friend, but feeling caught through love for the land and for her home, and thus not wanting to leave, even as she sees the friend doing so and she yearns for the past they had together.

Hmm...you asked for title suggestions...the image that sticks in my mind is of the young person pressed up against the screen of her home, watching her friend/loved-one leaving, having the ability to break through the barrier and follow if she wants to, but choosing not to go even though it is hard to be the one left behind. Since the song deals again and again with seeing...both seeing the past and seeing the images and events as if they were happening again, would "View" work as a good title for your song?

--Erica
Hey VEGANGELICA, thanks for the tips!

The song is actually about my parents moving overseas for work when I was about 17 and I decided to stay in Australia because I loved it so much and couldn't bear to leave. In retrospect I wish they had convinced me to go with them because aged 17 onwards I had no parental influences and struggled a little. So yeah.

'View' would indeed be a fitting name! And as for the bridge, I wish I did sing it with higher notes or differing notes but I'm really not a singer so I didn't want it to end up sounding crappy.

But yeah everything I post here is pretty much just messing around and work-in-progresses. So thanks so much for the encouragement/ advice!

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Originally Posted by kayleigh. View Post
Lateralus, that song about your friend Amy was beautiful.
it was so emotive. i had goosebumps & all!
i cant really think of anything else to say, but i really enjoyed that
honestly keep it up!
Thank you
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Old 09-14-2009, 12:57 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
The song is actually about my parents moving overseas for work when I was about 17 and I decided to stay in Australia because I loved it so much and couldn't bear to leave. In retrospect I wish they had convinced me to go with them because aged 17 onwards I had no parental influences and struggled a little. So yeah.
Wow, that song was touching. I can totally relate to it, I went through the same thing. Except my family moved to a different town rather than a different country.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:53 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Wow, that song was touching. I can totally relate to it, I went through the same thing. Except my family moved to a different town rather than a different country.
Aww thank you! It's really nice to know that someone can relate.
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Old 09-14-2009, 06:06 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Amy is probably one of my favorite songs now. I would payfor and download even this not-so- hot recording, cause the song's just that good. It's simple, but one of those things that really hits you in your core. I agree with vegangelica that, if i hadn't been told, i wouldn't know it was about a girl who had commited suicide...but i think maybe it's more of a tribute to her life than to her death. Excellent job. i wish i could hear it as the band plays it.


If guitar is your worst instrument, then by golly i want to hear something youre really really good at! more more more more more!
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Old 07-04-2013, 05:40 AM   #37 (permalink)
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I haven't really posted any of my original songs on here for a very long time, looking back on the ones I have posted they are so lame and old! Anyway, here is a random tidbit/song type music thing that I recorded very roughly, haphazardly and quickly with someone I met on SoundCloud. The lyrics were pretty much written as I sang them, they are pretty simple. I'm not really sure what to do with this song now... but let me know what you think!

It's called 'Atlas.'

The audio:
Upload Audio | Listen to Audio | Atlas | YourListen

The lyrics:

Breathe out, breathe in
Watch the world slowly spin
These stars look different here
Watch the sky disappear
Disappear

Atlas lines, ocean walls
Watch the moon as it slowly falls
Slowly fall
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:18 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Lateralus View Post
I haven't really posted any of my original songs on here for a very long time, looking back on the ones I have posted they are so lame and old! Anyway, here is a random tidbit/song type music thing that I recorded very roughly, haphazardly and quickly with someone I met on SoundCloud. The lyrics were pretty much written as I sang them, they are pretty simple. I'm not really sure what to do with this song now... but let me know what you think!

It's called 'Atlas.'

The audio:
Upload Audio | Listen to Audio | Atlas | YourListen

The lyrics:

Breathe out, breathe in
Watch the world slowly spin
These stars look different here
Watch the sky disappear
Disappear

Atlas lines, ocean walls
Watch the moon as it slowly falls
Slowly fall
A pleasantly mellow song, Lateralus. It had a shoegazy feel that I liked.

My favorite part of the song was your ethereal singing: pretty, light, and airy. I felt the lyrics matched both your vocals and the tune very well.
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:38 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
A pleasantly mellow song, Lateralus. It had a shoegazy feel that I liked.

My favorite part of the song was your ethereal singing: pretty, light, and airy. I felt the lyrics matched both your vocals and the tune very well.
VEGANGELICA, you are still around!

Thank you!
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