Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-08-2009, 09:38 PM   #31 (permalink)
king of sex
asshat's Avatar
Join Date: May 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 331

mach 4...these are my songs guys!...s'mores.

You told me everyones contribution
Was equal,
You promised,
You lied,
My poem was jive
And you gave me some reasons
Because this poem came
off as non-nonsensical
and had no rhythmic devices
To entice a person long enough
To sit through it
And there was too much vulgar language
That seemed to serve no purpose what so ever
But you still appreciated my effort
Because I am part of the rainbow
Of diverse thoughts and ****
And everybodies worth
Your time, even if it does not ryhme
And does nothing but confuse you
As what the intentions are
In this particular case
You had no clue
Because there was none
I concede, I wrote it cause
I'm really alone,
And if you think that it's art
Than I could laid
Even though I put no thought into it
__________________________________________________ __
Block the feelings out
With three coats of paint
2 coats of black
And one coat of grey
Four walls with no windows
And garbage bag drapes
Paint the cracks
No colours anymore
Don`t paint it lilac
__________________________________________________ _-
The first time
First time you cross that line
I can dismiss you outright
Just prooves I'm not mean
Cause I gave you a chance
And it's all coming true
That my hunch was right
The moment I saw you
I'll just give you the chance
The chance to prove my
Prejudices were spot on
It took some provocation
And lax interpretation
I had to lead you on
A little
And little by little
I just needed a little
Cause it speaks louder
than actions speak louder
than words
you will be dressed down
Don`t dish what you
Can`t take
That was a fake!
We`ll yell at you
That's what we do
My virgin ears!
Assault on both ears!
You hear that loud
You hear it clear
In crisp high fidelity
In both ears!
And out the other ear
Cause it don't stick
And I'll be around
For another round
to dress you down.
Rye Catcher II: Electric Boogaloo
asshat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-11-2009, 10:18 AM   #32 (permalink)
musicbanter peeping tom
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 74

Originally Posted by asshat View Post
I got some more songs you guys,I appreciated your feedback for the first one, I'd still like your honest(and by honest I mean blunt) opinions. I kept the swears for poetic license, if this creates a problem for moderators, feel free to remove them.


Shines your shoes
With a shit eating grin
Picks the horse
Guaranteed to win
If it don't win
He's the collateral
See him at the grand piano

He don't know how to make love
His only love is numbers
This retard, you see, this retard
He helps you win the lottery

this guy here
Were all laughing with this guy here
Buy him a beer
Get him real drunk
For later

Wait til the 13th beer
Til he's so so drunk
And can't move around too good
Kick him in the balls
Slap him like a bitch
Right in the kisser
This guy, this guy
Was fuckin with my sister.
Hands that kill

These god damn hands
Have killed many a man,man
Hands that kill
See these hands
Killed a man
Performed surgery
Delivered a new born baby
Touched the face of a lady
When these hands kill again
I can't be certain
But for certain they will kill a man,man
Red Meat

No more red meat
No more privacy in the
World of the 23rd century
There ain't no more god
Three to a pod
Woman/man and single child
That's all that is allowed
And a paste is all the rations that are alloted
And it tastes so shitty
But's thats all that we eat
Cause there's no more red meat
In the 23rd century AD

And the chips in the brains
For prevention of thoughts
Of thoughts about smashing the state
Cause it's been so god damn long
So very long
Since they had a steak on their plate.
Prison of the mind

Make your mind a prison
It's trip to turn your brain
Into a penitentiary
And where you go
nobody knows

You be the warden and executioner
In your mind
Nobody comes inside
Nobody dares
The walls are covered with slime
And the stench of the ages
Before you die
Just make a trip
To the prison of the mind
All i have to say about these is that you need to post more stanzas for these because they are to short as they stand when i read them they came off as something that would be the missing stanzas in other work so add some more to them then you would be able to know if these need more work done to them or not
the iron man
The iron man

I don't want to change the world. I just want to make the world colder then the day I came.
iron9567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-16-2009, 04:26 AM   #33 (permalink)
Music Addict
FooFighting's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 61

The song contradicts is lyrics, but it's done in a way that is poetic.

I like it
FooFighting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-16-2009, 11:11 PM   #34 (permalink)
king of sex
asshat's Avatar
Join Date: May 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 331

Originally Posted by FooFighting View Post
The song contradicts is lyrics, but it's done in a way that is poetic.

I like it
....not that I'm necessarily entitled to anything, but it seems like you don't give a **** about what you just said and it could be interchangeable with any of the one-sentence criticisms you've offered other people.

This isn't a compliment club, so f-off.
Rye Catcher II: Electric Boogaloo
asshat is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads

2003-2019 Advameg, Inc.

SEO by vBSEO 3.5.2 ©2010, Crawlability, Inc.