The writings of an artsy nerd... - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-25-2010, 09:49 AM   #1 (permalink)
Supernatural anaesthetist
 
Dotoar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Örebro, Sweden
Posts: 436
Default The writings of an artsy nerd...

...or an excuse for showcasing selected lyrics from my own musical works. I actually have got a lot of songs in my backpack and lyrics are always an integral part of what I do, although my main philosophy is that the music always should be able to stand on its own. Anyhoo, I'd like to put forth a few of my words here and see what you think.

Let's start with a song I wrote some years ago. (It has nothing to do with water, by the way).

---

TURN OF THE LAKE

I: Dawn And A Journey

Down with the thundery storm of the ancient flight from the present
and dropped through the crown of the trees
Drift all among rivulets in the quest for a lake to be merged
and brought into shape of the norm

Here, submerged in the deep
Clear to hear, an occasional weep
Waiting to see the chrystallized sunlight beam down
Turn of the lake has begun

Fight for a rise in the shadow the pines are effectively casting
to make sure there's no need for a change
Steam from a noon glowing clearly and shaping the clouds of the skyline
trading water to fish and a bread
Watch them raindrops high, vaporize into the sky
Now is a time to be learning the lakes and the seas and the oceans
can be turned to a river as well

"Stay and remain" says the lake
"They bring the fish and they know how to bake"
"Merge into one another to fight the sunlight beaming down"
"Turn of the lake has begun"
"You will remain water and therefore caught on the run"

By the riverside, catch the season tide
Rush down valleys of dreams
See you there, let the rain keep level
with mortal needs by the fields

Clearly, down in the well, holding everything that we need
No use heaping up with tears
Scorn by the stories of fret pouring in, pouring out dirty water
Evoking essential fears

By the riverside, exchanging by the tide
through the valleys of dreams
See you there, yes I know you well
Noone is bound to the fields
Noone is bound to the fields


Glaciers of ages gone, but not forgotten, risen high
Where mother earth and father sky reach, risen high
A site of eternal envy and fear
Not even the thunder comes near
By vapour, rain and snow, I'll see you there

---

II: In The Valley

Just by the motion the dust and the gravel reform on the bank
leaving tide of the moon to surrender
One is the particle leaving a trace of a cup running over
caring not for the range of the banks
Once a raindrop high, falling off a dense grey sky
Now is a time to be learning the lakes and the seas and the oceans
can be turned to a river as well

Among a multitude of skyline refugees
A certain handful won't make difference in the leads
Try or spend the life a reflected lie of the sun
Turn of the lake has begun
You will remain water, even if well on the run

Clearly, down in the lake, holding everything that we need
A hearth of eternal exchange
Full circle balancing out common urge to request for escaping
preserves what is left of the lake

---
__________________
- More is more -
Dotoar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-2010, 11:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
Supernatural anaesthetist
 
Dotoar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Örebro, Sweden
Posts: 436
Default

The recorded song in question: Jorm - Turn Of The Lake
__________________
- More is more -
Dotoar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-01-2011, 02:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
Supernatural anaesthetist
 
Dotoar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Örebro, Sweden
Posts: 436
Default

Slow news day. Time to show off another set of lyrics. This one I wrote just recently as sort of a 'character assassination'. Although written with a certain person in mind (most of my songs that involve characters are) it could as well be taken on a general level. What level? Think media-hipsters.

---

Papercut

Waking up at 2 PM from sleeping off another story
Digging in your graveyard as the moon shines out his hidden glory
Patter through the digest where he's mentioned in the footnotes that adore
When the city life's a bore he is sleeping on the floor to acquaint the ghetto lore

It was nice to be a youngster in a quest for being free
Looking forward to the revolution paved with gore debris
Seeing as the years have altered every notion within sight, he's still cutting veins and brains, though with a paper pure and white

All this status quo is grating, what we need's a good old fighting
He condemns your every song that doesn't speak for biting underdogs
And with a papercut he rips the group he said you're in in half
The city life's a laugh, so he loosens up his scarf, passing red wine with a barf

It was nice to be a youngster in a quest for being free
Looking forward to the revolution paved with gore debris
Seeing as the years have altered every notion within sight, he's still cutting veins and brains, though with a paper pure and white


Agitating as a newborn christ
Speaking up, dressing down for the kid on the block he missed out on to be
He wants to be alone as the man of everyone and remain in the sun with the ones being the youngsters in a quest for being free
Looking forward to the revolution paved with gore debris
Seeing as the years have altered every notion within sight, he's still cutting veins and brains, though with a paper pure and white

---

Link to the recorded song: Faculty - Papercut
__________________
- More is more -
Dotoar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2011, 06:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
Facilitator
 
VEGANGELICA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dotoar View Post
The recorded song in question: Jorm - Turn Of The Lake
Heya Dotoar,

I enjoyed your progressive rock, Yes-like song, "Turn of the Lake." I'm still thinking about the meaning of your lyrics, which are amorphous enough that they allow or force the listener to draw her own conclusions about what they mean. My favorite stanzas are these below:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dotoar View Post
TURN OF THE LAKE

I: Dawn And A Journey

By the riverside, catch the season tide
Rush down valleys of dreams
See you there, let the rain keep level
with mortal needs by the fields

Clearly, down in the well, holding everything that we need
No use heaping up with tears
Scorn by the stories of fret pouring in, pouring out dirty water
Evoking essential fears

By the riverside, exchanging by the tide
through the valleys of dreams
See you there, yes I know you well
Noone is bound to the fields
Noone is bound to the fields
One tiny spelling correction: "noone" is actually "no one." I know this because until I was around 21 I kept spelling it as "noone" until I really looked at what I had spelled and realized it would sound like "noon."

Your song is long...but interesting. I love the time signature changes and the warmth of your voice in chorus. I feel the song could be shortened without losing much of its feeling, and this might help prevent the loss of potential listeners, but of course the music you make should be true to your vision. Is progressive rock your favorite genre? I wished somewhat that the song didn't sound *so* Yes-like...even as I admired that you could create similar music.

The song has an open, delighted feel to it. I like the optimism and hope I sense in it even though I don't fully understand the song's intent. One reason I wished to comment is that the song feels comforting to me, and I like that. Uplifting.

At first the guitar made me think of music from the Middle Ages, and so I was curious where you would go from that beginning. I stayed curious throughout the song about what would follow. I liked the transitions, the inclusion of the theremin-sounding instrument (synthesizer, I assume), and the harder rock section.

I would listen again to the song and probably will.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
VEGANGELICA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2011, 08:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
Supernatural anaesthetist
 
Dotoar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Örebro, Sweden
Posts: 436
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Heya Dotoar,

I enjoyed your progressive rock, Yes-like song, "Turn of the Lake." I'm still thinking about the meaning of your lyrics, which are amorphous enough that they allow or force the listener to draw her own conclusions about what they mean. My favorite stanzas are these below:



One tiny spelling correction: "noone" is actually "no one." I know this because until I was around 21 I kept spelling it as "noone" until I really looked at what I had spelled and realized it would sound like "noon."

Your song is long...but interesting. I love the time signature changes and the warmth of your voice in chorus. I feel the song could be shortened without losing much of its feeling, and this might help prevent the loss of potential listeners, but of course the music you make should be true to your vision. Is progressive rock your favorite genre? I wished somewhat that the song didn't sound *so* Yes-like...even as I admired that you could create similar music.

The song has an open, delighted feel to it. I like the optimism and hope I sense in it even though I don't fully understand the song's intent. One reason I wished to comment is that the song feels comforting to me, and I like that. Uplifting.

At first the guitar made me think of music from the Middle Ages, and so I was curious where you would go from that beginning. I stayed curious throughout the song about what would follow. I liked the transitions, the inclusion of the theremin-sounding instrument (synthesizer, I assume), and the harder rock section.

I would listen again to the song and probably will.
Hi and thanks for all the kind regards!

Well, you live and learn, don't you? Up until now I've actually never reflected about "noone - no one" although I remember the first time I read the back of "Revolver" and the track "For no one" seemed somewhat oddly titled, and likewise, I thought it was slightly amusing that one could be called things like Peter Noone (that guy from Herman's hermits). But wrong is wrong, and since english isn't my first language I tip my hat to anyone for whom it is, that corrects me.

The song then. I'm glad you liked it and I'm really glad you recognized the Yes approach, although it probably is all but obvious to anyone familiar with this, one of my absolute favourite bands of all time. Nice also to see that it kept you interested all throughout, that's exactly what I was trying to do, creating a sort of unexplored landscape through which one travels (one of the main appeals about prog rock for me). And yes, that is an analogue synthesizer, a 1978 Yamaha CS-5.

And the meaning, well I won't spoil it to anyone as it always is nice to hear different interpretations. I could say so much at least, that it's indeed supposed to be optimistic, although set to a somewhat darker backdrop. And oh, the water in it. I might as well reveal that it's you. And me. And everyone else.
__________________
- More is more -
Dotoar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2011, 10:48 PM   #6 (permalink)
Supernatural anaesthetist
 
Dotoar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Örebro, Sweden
Posts: 436
Default

Time to post another one, I think. This I wrote about 3 years ago, presenting me at my idealistic height:

Link to the song

Veritas

Wandering sole on a casual aisle between the myths and the reason
How to be sure it is not ignored while words can reign only when heard and well received?

Well at the hands for anyone to perceive
Shunned by the thinkers who set out to deceive
Few can attest it as the notice can set them free

Good where the deeds by the shallow plot
Strange how they knew what I wanted
Down at the foot of the giant hill, I knew up there that I would find it, though not for free

Well at the hands for anyone to perceive
Shunned by believers who set out to deceive
Few can attest it as the notice can set them free

When reason precede the choice of conviction
When people will unify on terms of veritas
When paths are joined instead of dividing
When guards and frontiers dissolve in the light
Then shall we reach for the height

When deeds that urge a free soul to sacrify will never more be perceived as an option
When numbers won't rule and delusion won't advocate
When noone cares for the drift to be mastering
Then shall we set to be free

When words are just words and assault not an answer
When force and compulsion won't make any difference
When all can concieve of all things that can be
When all can be certain of how precious our life
When everyone work their wits

When apt misconceptions will cease to be taught
When noone ever will impose their belief
When everyone can steer clear from the fiction
When creeds that freedom is conditioned are gone
Then all can see what applies to all others falls back upon us, and thus we must care for our veritas
__________________
- More is more -
Dotoar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2011, 06:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
Groupie
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 20
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dotoar View Post

TURN OF THE LAKE

I: Dawn And A Journey

Down with the thundery storm of the ancient flight from the present
and dropped through the crown of the trees
Drift all among rivulets in the quest for a lake to be merged
and brought into shape of the norm

Here, submerged in the deep
Clear to hear, an occasional weep
Waiting to see the chrystallized sunlight beam down
Turn of the lake has begun

Fight for a rise in the shadow the pines are effectively casting
to make sure there's no need for a change
Steam from a noon glowing clearly and shaping the clouds of the skyline
trading water to fish and a bread
Watch them raindrops high, vaporize into the sky
Now is a time to be learning the lakes and the seas and the oceans
can be turned to a river as well

"Stay and remain" says the lake
"They bring the fish and they know how to bake"
"Merge into one another to fight the sunlight beaming down"
"Turn of the lake has begun"
"You will remain water and therefore caught on the run"

By the riverside, catch the season tide
Rush down valleys of dreams
See you there, let the rain keep level
with mortal needs by the fields

Clearly, down in the well, holding everything that we need
No use heaping up with tears
Scorn by the stories of fret pouring in, pouring out dirty water
Evoking essential fears

By the riverside, exchanging by the tide
through the valleys of dreams
See you there, yes I know you well
Noone is bound to the fields
Noone is bound to the fields


Glaciers of ages gone, but not forgotten, risen high
Where mother earth and father sky reach, risen high
A site of eternal envy and fear
Not even the thunder comes near
By vapour, rain and snow, I'll see you there


---
Definantly like this one dude lol it's i'm listenting to regulator by clutch kinda fits i t bro just the style of writing anyways pretty cool **** 8 brofists out of ten
Ninjapleeze420 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2011, 08:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
Supernatural anaesthetist
 
Dotoar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Örebro, Sweden
Posts: 436
Default

All of you who appreciated "Turn of the lake", this one is actually about the exact same thing, albeit much more compressed lyric-wise.


Link to the song


Skyline

Skyline in the evening
Every rooftop is revealing in the ginger light of sun
Everyone will run from to be outshun

Narrowing horizon for each monolithic rising
Marking places never seen for people never keen to live out their dream

Skyline all surrounding
Strives for equalizing all within the hegde around
Restore the human bound, temporarily found

Nothing is persistent in this world they are insisting is the place to be when in need of being free
I'd say: As if!

Skyline in reflection of all kinds of fake perfection
All the patience of the sun, watching all the guns, has no pendant here

So, we think we're something
Maybe time for reassembling all the bridges and towers
Make the evening glow throught the skyline show
__________________
- More is more -
Dotoar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-18-2011, 04:58 PM   #9 (permalink)
Supernatural anaesthetist
 
Dotoar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Örebro, Sweden
Posts: 436
Default

Time for another show-off. This is one I wrote to a girl I was into once (and no, I didn't win her over with it).


Link to the song


I hate that I love you so much I wish I hated you like I hate myself for
loving you so much


A beautiful morning
I wish I could share it with someone as lovely as this
That someone is you
Gently warming sunshine that pledges of hope
while the mist and the dew return the day to you

Yet so deceiving
Never so bright and inviting as the morning is due, as beautiful as you

Hanging around, trying to find an excuse
to make clear what I feel and maybe even arouse
But the night has let me down
And I hope the morning never comes until you're here beside
For I cannot stand the phony vow of a day of lover's bloom
over which the sun will rise and shine

Enlightened forebodings
I wish I could care for all beauty
But the one thing I do admire is you
But it's hurting, knowing your morning commenced
by another horizon that I will never reach

Tell me, how does it feel knowing sunshine is always there for you
Knowing that your happiness is due?
Tell me, how does it feel being the one?
Being cared for like no other, if I could only get the chance?

Shall I tell how it feels to be knowing
that the sun will never shine sincerely like it seemed to do?
Shall I tell that the one sun is you?
No matter how the night is lingering, you bring the light

The sun has let me down
And I know it will not rise again until you're here beside
I won't live down the phony vow of a day of lover's bloom
over which the sun will shine
And your beauty makes me cry in that I know you're not around
If you ever will be mine I'd make the morning scenery
come true in that the day will breath of everlasting love

(I hate that I love you so much that I wish that I hated you like I hate myself for loving you so much)
__________________
- More is more -
Dotoar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-27-2011, 01:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
Facilitator
 
VEGANGELICA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dotoar View Post
Link to the song

Skyline

Skyline in the evening
Every rooftop is revealing in the ginger light of sun
Everyone will run from to be outshun

Narrowing horizon for each monolithic rising
Marking places never seen for people never keen to live out their dream

Skyline all surrounding
Strives for equalizing all within the hegde around
Restore the human bound, temporarily found

Nothing is persistent in this world they are insisting is the place to be when in need of being free
I'd say: As if!

Skyline in reflection of all kinds of fake perfection
All the patience of the sun, watching all the guns, has no pendant here

So, we think we're something
Maybe time for reassembling all the bridges and towers
Make the evening glow throught the skyline show
Dotoar,

I enjoyed listening to all three of your most recently posted songs, 'Veritas' (Truth), 'Skyline,' and 'I hate (etc.).'

All have that swimming, stream-of-consciousness feel plus the changes in time signatures that I associate with progressive rock. You also produced them very well. You create a terrific balance between vocals and instrumentals, and both sound professional, perfectly in pitch and in time, for example.

'Skyline' was my favorite, perhaps because it seems the most energetic to me with frequent jolts as the time signatures change.

I would prefer a different title than "I hate that I love you etc" for your final song, which sounds very different than hate and a feeling of foolishness for loving someone who does not reciprocate those feelings. I especially liked the chorus you created in this song through over-dubbing your voice, which gave the song a Beach Boys feel. Very lush. Foolish woman for not being won over! Ah well. Such is love--you can't force it through your own.

Dotoar, I didn't pay much heed to the lyrics in these three songs, since the music seems more important than the lyrics that sometimes feel as if they lack a literal meaning and have instead more of an emotional one.

However, I did notice in the last two songs you tend to refer to the sun and sunshine a LOT, and even mention light in "Veritas." I feel that describing the sun and the experience of light seems very 'progressive rock-ish' and perhaps cliche. Your lyrics do fit the mood of the music very well, though.

Thinking about how you use the sun in your lyrics made me think of writing a song that has no use of visual descriptions of anything...a song that just uses the other senses rather than sight. I'm wondering now what sorts of songs a blind person tends to write, since the striking image of the sun would not exist for her if she had never seen it. Yet presumably the other senses would provide a similar feeling of awe and relaxation that we get from seeing the sun. The sense of sight is so overpowering that it is hard to ignore if one has it, yet I feel some interesting songs or ways of describing how we feel might result if we relied less heavily on visual references.

Tiny spelling comment: "Breath" is the noun; "breathe" is to inhale and exhale:

"come true in that the day will breath of everlasting love."
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
VEGANGELICA is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads



© 2003-2024 Advameg, Inc.