The Official Joke Thread

Electrophonic Tonic · 05-29-2012, 09:30 PM

A boy and a man are walking in the woods. The boy says, "Mister, I'm scared of the woods." The man replies, "You think you're scared? I gotta walk back by myself!"

Vertigo · 05-30-2012, 05:07 AM

A politician is door-to-door canvassing his local area, to drum up some support.

As he approaches one house, he can hear rock music playing really loudly from one of the windows. He knocks on the door and boy, aged about 12, answers the door with a can of beer in one hand and a joint in the other.

"Hello," says the politician "Is your Mum or Dad home?"

"Does it f*cking look like it?" replies the boy.

Howard the Duck · 05-30-2012, 05:40 AM

what do you call a white woman with STD?

cracker with yeast

indiebabe092 · 06-01-2012, 07:33 AM

heyy!! im irish! not fair!

'Why did God invent whiskey?
So the Irish would never rule the world.'

hahah still hilarious tho! xx

ElephantSack · 06-01-2012, 12:53 PM

What does a Jewish pederast say?

"Hey kid. Wanna buy some candy?"

5[0Rp!0 · 08-12-2012, 04:02 AM

Ask someone: "What's perfect pitch?"
If they reply with "I don't know" then they probably won't get it. If they reply with something like "It's when you can hear a note and know exactly what it is," then continue with the punchline; "Oh, right, because I always thought it was the ability to throw a viola dead centre into a toilet bowl."

What do you do with someone who can't play an instrument? Give them two sticks and call them a drummer. What do you do with someone who can't drum? Take away one stick and call them a conductor.

appleghost · 08-12-2012, 04:57 AM

Made one up. And it's pretty bad:

Where do the church get its instruments from?

The organ donor.

But then again, I love bad jokes.

5[0Rp!0 · 08-12-2012, 05:21 AM

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He always lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

Howard the Duck · 08-12-2012, 05:30 AM

what happens when you throw a piano down a minshaft?

A Flat Miner

Thom Yorke · 08-12-2012, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElephantSack

What does a Jewish pederast say?

"Hey kid. Wanna buy some candy?"

06-01-2012, 12:53 PM	#405 (permalink)
ElephantSack Man vs. Wild Turkey Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: ATX Posts: 948	What does a Jewish pederast say? "Hey kid. Wanna buy some candy?" __________________ OF THE SUN

05-29-2012, 09:30 PM	#401 (permalink)
Electrophonic Tonic Your Ad Here Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: The Twilight Zone Posts: 876	A boy and a man are walking in the woods. The boy says, "Mister, I'm scared of the woods." The man replies, "You think you're scared? I gotta walk back by myself!"

05-30-2012, 05:07 AM	#402 (permalink)
Vertigo Music Addict Join Date: May 2012 Location: North West England Posts: 167	A politician is door-to-door canvassing his local area, to drum up some support. As he approaches one house, he can hear rock music playing really loudly from one of the windows. He knocks on the door and boy, aged about 12, answers the door with a can of beer in one hand and a joint in the other. "Hello," says the politician "Is your Mum or Dad home?" "Does it f*cking look like it?" replies the boy.

06-01-2012, 07:33 AM	#404 (permalink)
indiebabe092 Groupie Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: London Posts: 14	heyy!! im irish! not fair! 'Why did God invent whiskey? So the Irish would never rule the world.' hahah still hilarious tho! xx

08-12-2012, 04:02 AM	#406 (permalink)
5[0Rp!0 Groupie Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: A Shipping Container Posts: 13	Ask someone: "What's perfect pitch?" If they reply with "I don't know" then they probably won't get it. If they reply with something like "It's when you can hear a note and know exactly what it is," then continue with the punchline; "Oh, right, because I always thought it was the ability to throw a viola dead centre into a toilet bowl." What do you do with someone who can't play an instrument? Give them two sticks and call them a drummer. What do you do with someone who can't drum? Take away one stick and call them a conductor.

08-12-2012, 04:57 AM	#407 (permalink)
appleghost Music Addict Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Norway Posts: 178	Made one up. And it's pretty bad: Where do the church get its instruments from? The organ donor. But then again, I love bad jokes.

08-12-2012, 05:21 AM	#408 (permalink)
5[0Rp!0 Groupie Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: A Shipping Container Posts: 13	Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He always lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.