Granted, but you forget how to speak human.

I wish I had a proper guitar amp

Granted. It's British.

I wish I could live in a pineapple under the sea and have a retard for a best friend.

Granted.


You drown.

Edit: forgot to wish for something.

Um.

Non-dairy cheese that doesnt taste like **** if I'm not stoned and or drunk.

Granted. It tastes like vomit.


I wish NCIS and CSI and all their god awful spinoffs would get cancelled so I can finally turn on my TV and not see also-ran versions of Law and Order all day every day.

They are cancelled because all of cable is cancelled. Hope you have Netflix.

I wish everything ever was awesome and immune to corruption for me and people I like or love.

Granted, but you're deaf, blind and paralyzed.

I wish all food was healthy, cheap and tasty at the same time, and that I could eat it

Granted but after a while it all starts to taste the same and nothing you eat excites you anymore.


I wish I was a cloud.

Poof! You're an acid rain cloud.

I wish I could take back every instance of me hurting someone.

Granted, but you have to die.

I wish I could have slept with Jim Morrison while he was still alive and beautiful.

Alive, beautiful, and riddled with STDs

I wish I was successful in my every endeavor