TFW I've just jerked off about five seconds ago, and now I'm hungry. So, I put on my slacker pajama bottoms, and my Punisher shirt, cause that's how I roll, and I go out to the kitchen. Now, after a few seconds of browsing the cupboards (and deciding on some bombass Velveeta macaroni and cheese), I realize that I have just a touch of asthma. Usually, shaking hands with the governor isn't enough to give me respiratory problems, but I was doing some yard work earlier, and I guess I got some dirt or something in my throat and my lungs, which has now been disturbed from its rest. It's nothing too serious, but that, combined with the "recent exertion", is leaving me just a tad short of breath.

Here's my problem. In order to breath comfortably, I'm gonna have to start inhaling a bit harder, and I know it will be audible. And my mom sleeps right next to the kitchen. Without a door. There's absolutely zero chance that I'm gonna be able to start breathing hard without her hearing it. And there's absolutely no possible reason I can be breathing hard at 11:30 at night, unless I've been spanking the monkey. There's just no other explanation.

And so I gasp for air in silence.

Who cares if she heard you coughing.. You just spread your jizz hands all over the kitchen, you filthy animal.

No regrets.

tfw you're just minding your business, surfing the webs... listenin to some tunes. And your dog is just sitting next to you, staring at you with this expression like she hates you and are the stupidest mother****er she ever did see.


I love my dog and she loves me but she makes that expression sometimes and it's funniest damned thing.

when you search through all the threads you've started and only see bitchin ass bands

I advise you to stop jerking off.

TFW,when you are hiding from the newest addition to your class because she thinks that just bc you smoke, you guys must be tight,

Seriously Im having a hard holding a conversation due to the 13 years life experiences I have on her, :(

Hey, bitch! We smokers gotta stick together. If we don't, those smug, non-smoking SOBs will just pick us off, one by one, and then we'll all be those people who give a ****ty look to some guy, minding his own damn business, smoking a cig a hundred feet from anyone else.

****. That.


http://www.toiletscribble.com/wp-con.../smokekill.jpg

After 30+ years of smoking Newports, I quit 4 days ago (with a little help from being on my deathbed from the flu), so...

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/40781881.jpg

tfw, you get through the first 72 hrs.

Do yourself a favor next year, Plank, and get a flu shot like a sensible human being.

I stand by the philosophy of George. Long live George!

There are few things more horrible than having asthma and being downwind from someone's poor life choices. Even the stench of a smoker after they've just had a cigarette is enough to make me want to punch them in the throat so we can experience the same terrible reaction.

Weed has never triggered my asthma, but cigarettes always do. Probably because they're loaded up with formaldehyde and chemicals that are usually used to blast shit out of toilets.

Yes, we can always trust the sound medical advice of George Carlin :P

To each his own, just don't tell me how to live my life, and I won't tell you how to live your's, Ok. Good, now lets move on.

Then stand upwind.


http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/20...re-d6gcqd3.gif

that seems sensible but sometimes it's just not practical.

I especially hate smokers that stand right outside of a building (when clearly there's a rule that you need to stand far away from all entrances and exits) and fill the whole lobby up with smoke.

Some of the girls I work with smoke on the loading docks and the entire back room smells like garbage and homeless people by the time they're done.

TFW you remember your badass Punisher shirt is still missing, going on near a year now :/ It was a dark distressed gray with a dark red logo on it. Cool as ****, many sads.

Batlord stole it to cum on.

tfw you're surrounded by filth and have been for two weeks but you just can't bring yourself to clean all of your room. so you clean little bits here and there but it's like 1 step forward 1.5 back and you feel gross about your lack of cleanliness.

it's a dumb habit. i've quite several times... once for over a year... somehow i always end up picking it up again. what kills me is i only ever started smoking cigs cause i had to stop smoking weed for clean piss and i missed the feeling of smoking ****. i'm thinking i'm about to stop for good too cause really you only have so many years of abuse before you have to start doing some calculations on how you're going to die.

btw newports suck... i hate that menthol ****.

I stopped for 2 years starting in '98, and 6 months in '09, and picked it up again when I started drinking both times. The two year term was extremely productive for me, since I didn't do anything but workout, and exercise. Got kinda ripped, and all that crap, which has served as a good foundation for the rest of the time in between then and now. I'm getting on in age, and my lungs hurt, so this was a chance to turn a negative situation into a positive one (from being sick and basically bed-ridden).

My VERY first was when I was in 5th grade, when a pack cost $0.50, and I was able to buy them on my own (claiming they were for my Mom) at a local gas station, and they were Newports. I never could get used to smoking tree bark after that.

:finger:

Stopped 14 years ago and never looked back.

P.S. It's not good to say quit. Puts too much pressure on ya IMO.

Very true.

I quit.

How I'll feel in tears years or so, I can't say, but I love cigarettes. I've got asthma, which isn't at all helped, but it's an issue I'm willing to put up with for my precious smokes. I love that feeling of needing a smoke, and having one. You get that itch, and you know that all you have to do to scratch is to reach in your pocket and pull one out. I wouldn't get that craving if I didn't smoke, but I also wouldn't appreciate happiness if it wasn't for sadness.

Besides, as far as I'm concerned, living as long as I possibly can shouldn't be my primary concern. Enjoying the time I do have should. So, I'll gladly trade a few years to do something that makes me happy. In fact I kind of like the self-destructive nature of smoking. So many people are running themselves ragged, just to be "healthy". Literally running themselves ragged, eating inferior "reduced fat" foods, plastic surgery, worrying about saturated fats and real sugar and red meat and gluten and god knows what else, all to squeeze just a few more years out of an existence that they're making less desirable because of it. But not me. I'm actively shortening my life. Every cig I light up is like a middle finger to societal common sense, and this pleases me.

^too true. Non smokers will never get to experience that level of joy you get when you're fiending for a cigarette and you finally have one.

i dunno, for me cigs are probably the least fulfilling drug i've ever ****ed with. that's not to say i don't love a good smoke but pretty much every other drug out there is better. even caffeine. though caffeine is one of the main things that makes me want to smoke since caffeine + nicotine is a lovely combo. i can only imagine how great it is when you through cocaine in the mix but since i have such an addictive personality i'm not brave/dumb enough to do that.

and yea it's not about living forever but my dad died around 50 or so from not taking care of himself and i'm really not trying to go out like that.

I don't know, man. I get pretty stoked when I'm cruisin' for a boozin'.

Well I certainly. wasn't. roight.

Booze can **** your life up in far more ways than cigs. All I have to worry about is my health.

That's why I only drink when all my responsibilities are taken care of.

Too many relatives of mine are alcoholics.

Responsibility number one: wake up
Responsibility two: stay sober while I shower

Alright I can drink now.

ftfy

She did say responsibilities and I couldn't imagine how difficult it is to wash that much hair wasted.

Didn't realize you were living vicariously through LiL. Ooops.

That feel when..

... when you wake up in the middle of the night just to find a huge freaking spider crawling on your floor and you're like "meh, im not afraid of spiders", look away for a sec, then look at the same spot again just to realise that you've lost sight of the spider and now cant go back to sleep cuz you're too paranoid and freaked out, + it's hard to sleep in the heat that was generated from you trying to burn the room down after loosing track of the spider.
:banghead:

As a twenty year old with an already showing bald spot, LiL is a big inspiration of mine.

If by "live vicariously through" you mean "masturbate in her closet when she's at work", then we both are.

i actually like spiders since they are predators and eat other bugs so if i see one in my house i leave it alone. unless it looks like it could be poisonous, in which case i turn to google.

the other day there was a little spider crawling around this globe type light thing on my ceiling, and then there was an even tinier spider crawling on the other side. it almost looked like a baby version of the other spider.

anyway i stood there and watched, knowing that this could get interesting. surely enough they encountered eachother. the bigger spider did a sort of kung fu stance, and then pounced on the little one then grabbed it and spun a string of web which it hung from while sucking the insides out of the little spider. it was honestly one of the most exciting moments of my week, which tells you a bit about my life right now.

I've done it before. Once. Never again.

I couldn't remember if I'd used the shampoo yet and probably shampooed like 3 times. :laughing: Disastrous waste of water.

Anyway, tfw you came home, fed the cat, then wept like a child because you're exhausted, feel like you're dying, and there's just too much shit going on in your head, but then ...

I laughed so fucking hard that I almost feel a bit better. You guys are so disgusting/hilarious.