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Old 10-17-2008, 03:43 PM   #21 (permalink)
Meanie McFeany
 
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Also love the last line. But this is my favorite:

"You're still paper beneath the grit."

The sandpaper metaphor is kinda overused in this capacity, but on the whole I like it. What made you write it?
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Old 10-17-2008, 04:51 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Oh you know. Assholes.
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church is still boring even with Kanye.
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Old 10-17-2008, 04:54 PM   #23 (permalink)
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a great inspiration

makes great writing i thought it was pretty sweet
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Old 10-21-2008, 09:51 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I feel as if maybe, it's a tad cliche? Don't get me wrong, it's well written.
I just feel like I've heard it before. >.<

Good job, nonetheless.

I'd love to hear more of your work. =]
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Old 11-14-2008, 02:16 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Shattered truth, shattered youth
Broken hope of alliance
Back-tracking days of destroying the silence
Of well thought out vents
Ignorant words have replaced common sense
We're all apprehensive
Strutting on the defensive
Line of a life bred by sheep and their pastors
I thought days were over of bowing to masters
Cover yourself behind fiction stained shades
And let them direct you
Let them disrespect you
Let them continue to pillage and rape
An unborn society, fill it with hate
Oh, the irony. Isn't it great
Cast stones at the windows
And blow down the homes
But you cannot throw rocks
When you live in fragile lies.
Innocent sheep might get hurt.
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church is still boring even with Kanye.
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Old 11-15-2008, 06:58 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Some pretty depressed and depressing lyrics.
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Old 11-15-2008, 07:18 PM   #27 (permalink)
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So? That doesn't take away from the greatness. Good job!
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Old 11-15-2008, 07:31 PM   #28 (permalink)
Later on...
 
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This is good! keep it up
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Old 11-16-2008, 12:49 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Colyer View Post
Some pretty depressed and depressing lyrics.
It's not meant to be depressing. =\
Or at least not any more depressing than watching the news.
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church is still boring even with Kanye.
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Old 11-16-2008, 04:33 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Very good, deep.. which i always enjoy reading.
Try using punctuation though too. It makes it easier to read and sometimes helps people to understand exactly what you're trying to say too.
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