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Old 11-16-2008, 06:33 PM   #31 (permalink)
Meanie McFeany
 
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Blank verse, ftw. Love it wolfy. Wouldn't change a thing. The rhyming scheme was impressive.
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Old 11-16-2008, 07:38 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone, for the feedback.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucem Ferre View Post
church is still boring even with Kanye.
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Old 11-16-2008, 10:14 PM   #33 (permalink)
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I digs it. Good rhythm and vocabulary and subject(s).
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Old 11-17-2008, 02:59 AM   #34 (permalink)
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It's nice to me ! Congratulation !
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Old 11-17-2008, 07:01 PM   #35 (permalink)
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I am only sorry that the original post got lost in childish behaviour. Sorry.
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Old 11-20-2008, 06:58 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Hey..I like it!! good job..Id like to hear the song..
Whats the message of the song though?as people have said they felt depressed..
What did you want people to think/feel when they heard the song?hmmmm
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Old 11-20-2008, 07:10 PM   #37 (permalink)
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if you feel like you have heard it before thats probably a good thing...that means it kinda flows and is natural..good job on your song! i love the idea..but is it a whole song?
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Old 11-20-2008, 07:16 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Well I wrote it while I was devestated about Prop 8 passing. Basically I was having an "I give up on society" day and this is the result. It was really more about me venting than portaying an emotion.
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church is still boring even with Kanye.
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Old 11-20-2008, 08:13 PM   #39 (permalink)
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That's true.

But I mean i feel like I've heard the general idea before.

The idea of people looking tought but not actually BEING tough.

I just re-read it and it is very good.

I don't know.

I suppose I could just be picky.

It's difficult to reword cliche to a point that it seems new.

Does that make sense?
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Old 11-20-2008, 09:17 PM   #40 (permalink)
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I like it forget about jumping tenses when it flows it flows....don't edit...from mind to pen is natural writing...a true art...I can tell u didn't try too hard it is natural and that makes it great.
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