Chard's Songwriting Journal (ticket, rock, effect, member, show)

7gaugejames · 03-12-2009, 09:10 AM

Chard,

Your best effort yet!

Much Improved I think, don't stop

.

Thuydung88, isn't that a song?

7gaugejames · 03-12-2009, 09:51 AM

I think we have a better offering from char in yesterday's love, read it yet?

darkcornerinthecloset · 03-12-2009, 04:19 PM

sort of insane, but i agree, its much better

Freebase Dali · 03-12-2009, 04:36 PM

Um....

chard · 03-14-2009, 03:40 AM

A man has blood in his eyes
its not hidden theres no disguise
hes hell bent on revenge
unafraid he wont be denied.
When day breaks his wounds are still visible
for this man he never sleeps
the ones who betrayed him
will surely die for a wasted life.

sanity hanging in the balance
in the dark corners of his mind
will his misery end,when he fufills his dream
when his betrayal has been rectified.
will he stop, will his rage subside,
or will he grow hungrier
from the thrill of the ride.

putting a wedge between you and reality,
how far and how fast
are you likely to run from me.
youve got to come out of hiding sometime,
and when you do your be mine.

Arya Stark · 03-14-2009, 11:09 AM

I really like it, it is strongly written.

BUT

If the grammar and punctuation were added, it would be more defined.

And when you actually mention the substance abuse, it kind of takes way the mystery. As does the name of the piece.

jackhammer · 03-14-2009, 01:30 PM

Chard:

If you continue to post in this forum only then your posts are effectively spam and will be dealt with as per MB rules.

Dr_Rez · 03-14-2009, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jackhammer

Chard:

If you continue to post in this forum only then your posts are effectively spam and will be dealt with as per MB rules.

Dont worry, he also posted in my blog to tell me that I was basically wrong to not believe in god.

mr dave · 03-14-2009, 03:52 PM

aint is not a word

susbtance abuse is generally a self prescribed solution to a much greater issue. to blame it solely for the downfall of an individual is shortsighted and wrong. anyone who's been through the situation will likely see your song as pretty shallow.

Schizotypic · 03-14-2009, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mr dave

aint is not a word

susbtance abuse is generally a self prescribed solution to a much greater issue. to blame it solely for the downfall of an individual is shortsighted and wrong. anyone who's been through the situation will likely see your song as pretty shallow.

He's completely right just so you know.

03-12-2009, 09:10 AM	#71 (permalink)
7gaugejames Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Imperial Beach Ca. Posts: 101	Yesterdays love; as follows, Chard, Your best effort yet! Much Improved I think, don't stop. Thuydung88, isn't that a song? __________________ I don't care who you are, Gunslinger, shmunslinger, everyone needs a good purse.

03-12-2009, 09:51 AM	#72 (permalink)
7gaugejames Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Imperial Beach Ca. Posts: 101	Vertical Friction; as follows, I think we have a better offering from char in yesterday's love, read it yet? __________________ I don't care who you are, Gunslinger, shmunslinger, everyone needs a good purse.

03-14-2009, 03:40 AM	#75 (permalink)
chard Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: england Posts: 390	drugs aint good A man has blood in his eyes its not hidden theres no disguise hes hell bent on revenge unafraid he wont be denied. When day breaks his wounds are still visible for this man he never sleeps the ones who betrayed him will surely die for a wasted life. sanity hanging in the balance in the dark corners of his mind will his misery end,when he fufills his dream when his betrayal has been rectified. will he stop, will his rage subside, or will he grow hungrier from the thrill of the ride. putting a wedge between you and reality, how far and how fast are you likely to run from me. youve got to come out of hiding sometime, and when you do your be mine. Last edited by chard; 03-15-2009 at 03:20 AM. Reason: n\a

03-14-2009, 01:30 PM	#77 (permalink)
jackhammer Ba and Be. Join Date: May 2007 Location: This Is England Posts: 17,331	Chard: If you continue to post in this forum only then your posts are effectively spam and will be dealt with as per MB rules. __________________ It be my music and film collection. “A cynic by experience, a romantic by inclination and now a hero by necessity.”

03-12-2009, 04:19 PM	#73 (permalink)
darkcornerinthecloset Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 160	sort of insane, but i agree, its much better

03-12-2009, 04:36 PM	#74 (permalink)
Freebase Dali Partying on the inside Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 5,584	Um....

03-14-2009, 11:09 AM	#76 (permalink)
Arya Stark "Hermione-Lite" Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: New York. Posts: 3,084	I really like it, it is strongly written. BUT If the grammar and punctuation were added, it would be more defined. And when you actually mention the substance abuse, it kind of takes way the mystery. As does the name of the piece.