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Old 03-09-2009, 04:10 PM   #121 (permalink)
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Wink Attempt; as follows,

No offence Darkcorner, but if this is some" man on the moon," kinda play your pullin' on us, it's the funniest stuff ever. Andy Kauffmanesque and genius.
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:18 PM   #122 (permalink)
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@Janszoon: Holly crap Janszoon, did you write that? I fukking loved it.
LOL. No. I guess I overestimated how familiar people are with the Violent Femmes' back catalogue. But if you've never heard that before, it's a great song that's worth a listen (this video is just something some youtube schmo put together but the song itself is by Violent Femmes):

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i'm not gonna spend my life on music banter trying to convince people the earth is flat.
A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man

Time & Place

25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die


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Old 03-09-2009, 05:57 PM   #123 (permalink)
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Wow! The sound of that song totally changes what I envisioned it would be like to hear what I thought was a poem. I might check out more of that dudes work, on paper anyway.
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Old 03-09-2009, 06:50 PM   #124 (permalink)
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man on the moon?
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Old 03-09-2009, 07:02 PM   #125 (permalink)
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ok. here it goes again:

Soar above the smog
Wind and rain in my hair
How good it feels to live
True ecstasy is flight

I'm above you now
On my way to His kingdom
You can fall down
I'll soar up and above


UGG. how damn short has this gotta be??!?!?
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Old 03-09-2009, 07:20 PM   #126 (permalink)
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Irony, sweet and painful
so funny how I hide me
Yet broadcast it to the world
Is it not obvious if you look?

Echoing across the stage
Actors surround us
Each and every one is the lead
of their own farce written by fate

They mill around onstage
They do not turn outside of their
own bubble, own life, own scene
They do not look down at us

But only because they don't see
dysfunction in everything
we do in this act up onstage
they notice naught but lies, lies, LIES

I yell and scream to be heard
cannot be made out over
lies, lies, LIES
cannot be heard through chaos

The director yells for quiet
no one hears his voice through the
lies, lies, LIES
likewise no one hears my sobs

the lies cover my tears when I cry

And they don't notice how wrong
we are together on this stage
because they see, hear, nothing
outside of their own farce

And that may be for the best


sorry guys, i couldn't bring myself to change the last line
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Old 03-09-2009, 07:35 PM   #127 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by darkcornerinthecloset View Post
ok. here it goes again:

Soar above the smog
Wind and rain in my hair
How good it feels to live
True ecstasy is flight

I'm above you now
On my way to His kingdom
You can fall down
I'll soar up and above


UGG. how damn short has this gotta be??!?!?
...Do you not understand the point of the syllable count?
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Old 03-10-2009, 03:39 PM   #128 (permalink)
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i understood it, i have problems making it that short. ONE stanza? is that what you are asking me to do?
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Old 03-10-2009, 03:50 PM   #129 (permalink)
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i understood it, i have problems making it that short. ONE stanza? is that what you are asking me to do?
...No. I meant that to add flow to your poetry, you should have around the same number of syllables in each line. It makes it roll off the tounge easier. So, first of all, I said four stanza's. Unfortunately I fukked-up, I meant twenty to twenty-five syllables per stanza. That would be about five to six syllables per line. Look at 7guagejames, he got the idea. Sorry, my bad.
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:50 PM   #130 (permalink)
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you really suck! i NEW there was something wrong with that sentence! now i havta do this again
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