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Old 05-13-2009, 10:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
young gun funyun
 
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Lightbulb Nicktarist's Songs, Music, and Used Clothes

My Songwriting Thread and some used clothes


Last edited by Nicktarist; 05-29-2009 at 03:12 PM.
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Old 05-16-2009, 06:17 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Your threads have been merged into one.

Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html

Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name.
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Old 05-18-2009, 10:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm gonna step out on a limb here and post a new song anyway. I've been working on this one for a little bit. More of a social issue than a story, I bring you:

Speaking in Tongues

That letter you wrote me has nothing to say,
It just sits in the corner ‘till I hear it say ‘hey!’
I don’t want to ignore you, I can’t stand to hear you talk
You’ve never said anything that means anything at all

You’ve lost your intentions, or the words between your words
every hand has shown a blessing, every tongue has shown a curse
the sound of that noise sounds like a squawking flock of birds
that trick me to look the other way just to get to into my mind

Oh stop, just stop
the noise is the last of me

every word that’s said
tears me to knee
‘till every bone in my body
is begging to see the other me
and leave me with my misery

Oh me? I’ve said some pretty terrible things
Leaving the expressions to the ones with the rings
I can't ignore the things I say, or the people I step on
it's the power I find in enactinging my own judgement

I’ve lost my intentions, or the words between my words
My hand has shown no blessing; my tongue has proved, a curse
the sound of my noise sounds like a squawking flock of birds
that trick you to look the other way, just to get to your mind

Please stop, don't talk
the noise is the end of me

every word that’s said
tears me to knee
‘till every bone in my body
is begging to see the other me
and leave me in my misery

I'm leaning more towards Johnny Cash with my writing style, but it still has a long way to go. I'm stuck trying to make the song serious without creating another angsty teen song.

peace,
-nick
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Old 05-19-2009, 06:50 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:11 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Here's another in a more standard form --Limerick, I bring you:

note: I changed the poem up due to the fact that I got actual critiques about the inconsistant rythm. More changes are obviously necessary because some lines simply don't flow, even with an even syllable count. The stresses aren't consistant enough, in other words.

Madman's War (working title)

long hours a day, we’d work in the bay (10)
fishing the sea ‘till the sea said no more (10)
payed by a chap (4)
(in a) very tall cap (6)
Waking the hours that dragged on the floor (10)

a soldier appeared from the haze n’ fog (10)
bantering about a man and his war (10)
wringing his hands (4)
(like he) knew all the plans (6)
he then went insane and sank to the floor (10)

He woke the next day, he woke with a fright (10)
left in the morning with a forewarning (10)
they will find you (4)
(know this) single taboo (6)
stirring the dust; the wake of his warring (10)

To our dismay, his augury was right
when we found his cold indicative war
they soon reached us (4)
(but i) always regress (6)
I already knew to leave before (10)

I didn’t hear much about that dark day (10)
I decided to come back years later (10)
great destruction (4)
(of my) own volition (6)
to show that leaving proved me a traitor (10)

If only my family could see me now (10)
I had grown up allot in fourteen years (10)
I have regrets (4)
(for my) lamenting debts (6)
to the ones who died because of my fears (10)

peace,
-nick

Last edited by Nicktarist; 05-22-2009 at 10:29 PM.
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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This was an expiriment with Free verse style --more in reference to Kim Gordon's prose in the beginning of Teen Age Riot (as mentioned in the poem). I bring you:

Something? Nevermind

Stop, don’t stop, maybe
can’t make up my mind?
is there something?
there’s something
I know there’s something
maybe there’s something
no, it’s nothing
nevermind, it wasn’t something
something was nothing
nevermind, it wasn’t something
nothing can’t be something
there was something
I just never saw anything
so it’s nothing
at least in my mind
it’s nothing
nevermind
nevermind

I had a dream
the other night?
of a mansion
yeah, it was a mansion
deep in the sea
except it was above the sea
that sounds right, above the sea
I walked over a bridge
after, or before it collapsed?
it was before, that’s right
before

I opened the door,
or the door opened itself
or it opened me to the mansion
that was inside the mansion
I told you it was a mansion
don’t loose yourself

There were colorfully dressed men
I questioned them bluntly
at least in my mind
I think it was in my mind
yeah, it was in my mind

They performed a dance number
it was a Thom song
Or was it Kim Gordon?
I didn’t know you could dance to that
at least not until now

In the middle of the music
we were attacked by a large hand
it was a large hand
in the palm was a mouth
looked like the muscles were cut out
and replaced with a mouth
yeah, it was a mouth
was it something?
no, it was nothing
but, nothing can’t be something
something can be nothing
and in this case,
nothing was something
it was a dreadful hand
nevermind
nevermind

a hand you couldn’t avoid
at least until you avoided it

we ran through the house until we lost the hand
the hand was actually a fish
I didn’t mention that did I?
yeah, it was a fish
with a mouth in it’s palm
and eyes on each finger

on our way through the mansion
I saw a girl
she was in a coffin
a cold coffin
a frozen coffin
she was alive
or maybe she wasn’t
she wasn’t
remember this is a dream
but she might be

the men dragged me by the hand
I was transfixed
or was it me who dragged them?
yeah, it was them who dragged me
I was transfixed

I didn’t know what to do
I climbed lower and lower
into a dark room
we huddled in the darkness
there was nothing there
except the girl
the girl in the coffin
she was calling
calling to me
me

I didn’t know what to do
I left and found her again
she was awake
but not really
kind of awake
I woke her
I pulled her out of the coffin
she looked at me
and then looked down
did she look down?
yeah, she looked down
she disappeared
I never saw her again
again
again?
yeah, again
I never saw her again

is there something?
there’s something
I know there’s something
maybe there’s something
no, it’s nothing
nevermind, it wasn’t something
something was nothing
nevermind, it wasn’t something
nothing can’t be something
there was something
I just never saw anything
so it’s nothing
at least in my mind
it’s nothing
nevermind
nevermind
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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This one is a more straightforward. I kept it alittle vague, and I might elaborate later, but I'm gonna wait till I find the time:

Brother, They Lie

Brother are you, awake now?
I’ve had this sickening dream
I jumped over hell; wet brow
I just could not breath or scream

Brother, you were standing
outside the house staring upwards
Losing ground notwithstanding
I don’t want to lose your mind--

mind outside
brother, they lie

(Brother) Remember when you found me
hidden in the closet corner
I lost my mind, completely
the incomplete foreigner

You told me they had nothing
to do with our purpose
that they were a dead spring
that stands on the ends of our toes (??)


Brother were have, you gone now?
college is nice, I suppose
standing out on, the thick bow
of a tree that never glows

I’ve lost my way, somehow
I need someone to tell me why
I’ve lost my mind to them now
I am living in one great lie

Lie, they lie
brother, they lie

Brother I know, I was wrong
I will not argue anymore
your shadow doesn’t belong
to my future anymore

You told me they had nothing
to do with our purpose
that they were a dead spring
that stands on the ends of our toes (??)

Lie, they lie
brother, they lie
Lie, they lie
brother, they lie

I'm iffy about this one. Probably will rewrite it altogether when I have the chance.
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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This was me working on repetition, but I also wanted to squeeze some philosophy into it. Obviously, this one was an expiriment:

Wrong (Right)

If man’s morals are justified,
than how do we interpret our wrongs
if we can only think alongside
the lines of our replaceable songs

Wrong wouldn’t be wrong and wronging
someone else would be ethical
because we decide our prize ring
held up by our very low morale

Why is there chaos when the definition is lost
Why is there chaos when the line is crossed
Why is there chaos when the rules are tossed
losing that line comes at a terrible cost

So if there is a defined law
that says “Murder is very Wrong”
written by one without flaw
How do we know he’s not wrong?

He might not do wrong to his
standard, but he might be wrong
by the 5th dimension which does
not approve with his right and wrong

In fact, his definition of
wrong could be wrong simply
by virtue of the fact thereof
that defining morals isn’t free

So, If I can’t demarcate right
why does it feel right to define
what is wrong? Why is there height
on the right walls of malign

Why is there chaos when the definition is lost
Why is there chaos when the line is crossed
Why is there chaos when the rules are tossed
losing that line comes at a terrible cost
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Old 05-19-2009, 08:36 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I feel that your pieces are very Nursery-Rhyme-like...
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Old 05-19-2009, 09:07 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxawwxsugarxx View Post
I feel that your pieces are very Nursery-Rhyme-like...
Thank you!

Nursery rhymes are simply witty statements that can easily become quite technical. Your obviously drawing that conclusion from Right (Wrong) and Madman's War both of which use standard nursery rhyme techniques (limericks and repetition of thought).

Andrew Bird, in fact, uses the same techniques as me. His song "Tenuousness" is very nursery-rhyme like in the way he uses assonance and consonance in his music.

peace,
-nick
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